Minding Ya Mental with Dr. Raquel Martin

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, Los Angeles, are you Looking for unique 4th of July plans for you and your friends or family? LA's greatest rivalry returns to Rose Bowl Stadium for a July 4th edition of the El Trafico soccer matchup. As the LA Galaxy returned to their original home to defend their turf against LAFC last year, a record crowd of over 82,000 fans were on hand to witness the Galaxy victory. That's July 4th at Rose Bowl Stadium. Guaranteed fireworks both on and off the field and a celebration for all of LA LA Galax vs LAFC. The Rose bowl edition [email protected] tickets. [00:00:48] Speaker B: Welcome back to now, no Opportunity wasted. I'm your host, Angelica Ross. This year is flying by. It's already May, y'all, and I appreciated all the rain and everything else that that April brought, but I'm looking forward to May here in Georgia, to nice weather, to nature walks with my two Dobermans now, which I'll tell you all about if I haven't already. I'm looking forward to patio and pool days spent just enjoying life as much as possible. And yes, I now have two Dobermans. Long story short, I was going to have puppies and have Candy have puppies. But the sire, the male dog, the owner called me up and basically told me that he was unable to still take care of the dog and so asked me if I would take Kodo off of his hands. So having them both has been amazing. Candy has really enjoyed having Kodo around. They play all day, every day. I have to really separate them. Part of it the reason is because Koto is still trying to hump Candy and she's not having it right now, you know, and consent is everything, you know, so she's not in heat, so she's not asking for it. So, you know, she's giving him the blues right now. [00:02:08] Speaker C: So. [00:02:09] Speaker B: But other than that, I take them to the dog park, we go on nature walks, we go, we just get to spend a lot of time outside. And now that it's starting to warm up, I'm really going to be enjoying that. So as always, I want to start things off with a quote from Buddhism day by day. Daisaku ikeda for Monday, May 6 and it reads, quote, chanting namyoho renge kyo is the foundation of Nichiren Buddhism. When we chant sonorously, the sun rises in our hearts. We are filled with power. Compassion wells forth. Our lives are lit with joy, Our wisdom shines. All Buddhas and protective forces throughout the universe go to work on our behalf. Life becomes exhilarating and that is definitely what I can attest to for my experience with chanting. Namyo Ring Akyo. Sometimes, I'll be honest, it's like, it's like, you know, doing what, you know, like exercising, that's good for you, but once you do it, you feel great afterwards. That's, you know, a lot of my experience with practicing. I mean, I do enjoy it a lot more than working out, I will say. But sometimes it does take me a minute to get to the altar and to chant. Some days, you know, like, especially I've been trying to get this house together and putting all this stuff together. And so, you know, many times I'm trying to push through sun up to sun down. And I have ADHD also. From the time I come from upstairs to downstairs, it's a billion things that can catch my attention and do catch my attention throughout the day. So I have to try to stay focused as much as possible. And I know that chanting also helps me stay focused. I am struggling with ADHD these days, and for decades I have basically been trying to work my way out of it. And I know that, you know, that's not the best decision for everybody, but it's just that I'm trying, I'm not one that is, I just, I'm trying, I'm trying to, I'm trying to address this issue spiritually and try to address without medication. And I know, listen, if you've got like, you know, diabetes or anything like that, like, of course you need to take your medication, just like with any sort of mental health issue, you know. But I think that sometimes things can be a both, and sometimes it's a little bit of therapy and medication. Sometimes it's both, you know, and then sometimes after a while, you don't need the medication anymore. You might not need the therapy anymore. So I, I, I know I'm, I'm. [00:04:44] Speaker C: Just sort of, I guess at the. [00:04:46] Speaker B: Beginning of this journey, but at the same time, I'm basically bringing awareness to how easily my brain is distracted, or not even just how easily it's distracted, but also how it can get caught on just some specific thing that I'm trying to. And it could be something so minute like that I don't even really want to pay attention to, like the business cards in my Rolodex, like I'm going through them and yes, I do need to like, kind of clean up my CRM, my client relationship management, you know, but do I need to be doing that at that moment? Probably not. It just be stuff like that. That catches my attention. So chanting definitely helps me have more clarity and more focus and wisdom and also just having the intelligence and the patience to deal with all the things that we're dealing with right now and having the compassion to not turn my eyes away. Right now, all eyes are on Rafa. As Israel continues its genocide on a record number of men, women and children. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has vowed back in March to carry out a military operation in Rafah despite warnings from our President Joe Biden. And here we are a couple months later, and Israel has briefed the US on their plans to evacuate Palestinian civilians ahead of their Rafah assault. I'm not sure how much of a heads up this was, as I saw videos on social media reporting that Israel has already started bombing Rafa. As all of this is going on, Netanyahu has been invited by Speaker Mike Johnson and Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer to deliver an address to Congress, despite the fact that Chuck Schumer himself just said weeks ago that BB has lost his way. And side note, that's what I'm going to refer to him as from this day forward. [00:06:57] Speaker C: BB Bibi got on video to criticize. [00:07:01] Speaker B: The protests happening on university campuses, characterizing them as violent. And Biden has been all but echoing those same sentiments. Even though reports have shown that over 90% of those protests have not only been nonviolent, but the actual violence in question has been perpetuated by police and pro Israel counter protesters who have attacked students. There is plenty of video showing in the middle of the night, these pro Israel protesters coming onto these campuses in their encampments while police stood by and did nothing and they attacked them with fireworks and knives. [00:07:41] Speaker C: I saw video also of police shooting. [00:07:44] Speaker B: These students with rubber bullets. [00:07:47] Speaker C: The response to students asking for a. [00:07:51] Speaker B: Ceasefire, calling for peace with their protest has been met with military force. That's how y'all know it's working, y'all. They are trying any and everything to stop us from standing up, but we will not be moved. Also, shout out to actor Seth Rogen, who took the social media to say that he realizes that he's been fed a bunch of lies about his Jewish history. He talked about the fact that they make it seems like, you know, the. [00:08:25] Speaker C: Land was just there wide open and that nobody was there before and doesn't. [00:08:30] Speaker B: Say anything about their settlement, about their occupation of Palestinian land, about the 1948 Nakba. The more you know in this week's conversation. We are kicking off Mental Health awareness month with Dr. Raquel Martin, host of The Manja Mental podcast. Take a listen. [00:08:49] Speaker C: All right, so welcome to now Dr. Raquel Martin. Is it? [00:08:56] Speaker B: Did I say that right? [00:08:57] Speaker D: You sure did. [00:08:58] Speaker C: Okay. Because, you know, I, you know, Raquel is just such a. It's a name, you know, I. I only know a few Raquel. So, you know, and you. To have a name like that, you a baddie, baby. Use a baddie. Welcome. Welcome to Now Dr. Raquel Martin. And I, I also want to acknowledge. We said Dr. Raquel Martin. And so I guess my first question is, did you go to the same school? And do you know Dr. Umar Johnson? [00:09:30] Speaker D: Yo, you know what's crazy? First of all, me and Dr. Umar are both from Philly. Also, my late uncle was actually one of his mentors. [00:09:43] Speaker C: See, it wasn't such an off the wall question then. [00:09:45] Speaker D: Yo, and it's just like at one point we were. Me and my cousin, we were just talking and he was like, oh, you know, we. When you talk about therapy, you know who I think of? And he mentioned Dr. Umar. And I was like, oh, I can't. I don't. I don't really vibe with him. And my cousin was like, oh, we have him at dinner on some Sundays. I said, what? I said, how are we connected to him? What are you talking about? And they were like, oh, yeah, we. You know, I knew him. My uncle used to work in Philly prisons and stuff like that. I think they came across each other because he does psychology and mental health. And I said, wow. [00:10:17] Speaker C: Yeah. So I mean, you know, it's just, you know, listen, sometimes you gotta check, you know, when folks we love I'm pro black, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm pro black. But it's like Dr. Umar is one of those. I love a good broken clock, you know, that is just. It is right twice a day. It is about right about twice a day. [00:10:38] Speaker D: Always wrong. Like, some of the stuff he's saying. [00:10:39] Speaker C: I'd be like, no, he's not. [00:10:41] Speaker D: I'll be like, okay. Like, some of the stuff he says is reasonable. Some stuff I'm like, where is the plot? Like, what. What are we discussing here? [00:10:50] Speaker C: Yeah, it's like you lose me at a certain point. And I think usually I feel like usually where folks get lost is where it comes to the participation in a privileged perspective that others. Others, you know, in a way that others. Others in a way that is like subjugating folks to, you know, again, LGBTQ Black folks in the community are not supported by those theories, you know, that. That some folks tend to Talk about. So I, I wanted to bring you on as well because you are a voice in the space. Thank you. That is helping us to handle and deal with and confront and not be in denial of the very real experiences we are having as black people in, in, in this current environment. And there are so many conditions that are playing on our mental health that we may or may not be aware of. What would you say, like in, right now, in 2024, for Black folks and just for people, I guess in general, what do you think are some of the top sort of issues that are attacking our mental health? [00:12:15] Speaker D: I feel like there's a bunch. I think one of the biggest things is, I think one of the biggest things is internal. You know, I always state that I, I'm not a feminist. I'm a, I'm a womanist. So I believe, yes, yes. I advocate for the black community overall like he, she and they. And I don't consider anyone to be pro black if they're only pro blackness that mirrors their own. And I think that's a big issue. Right. Like I think I did this post the other day about the fact that we're going into a space where rights are transitioning and evolving to privileges. And if you're only advocating for things that only you would benefit from, you're going to contribute to the detriment of society overall. Like, imagine if I only, I'm a black woman. I am incredibly privileged. I have multiple degrees. I know where I'm going to sleep every single night if I have to go to the doctor. I have insurance. I know where my food it is. Imagine if I only advocated for policies or checked in with voices or read stories or narratives from people that were, had the same intersecting identities as me. Like it's, it's absurd to think that like, oh well, let me just, let me just pay attention to, to the other black women doctors. Well, how you gonna grow? [00:13:29] Speaker C: But you know, I, I, I hear you on that. Right. But I guess I'm, I'm always trying to think about things from I guess all the perspectives and whatnot. And so I'm thinking like, okay, so how do people end up being these sort of like siloed in these silos of only wanting to advocate for or care for their issues? I feel like sometimes like bad behavior and things like that or things that look like they've been rewarding for others or have had short term wins for folks seem like the model and the way to go. So you know, I know that like we've seen other Communities be able to create infrastructures. [00:14:21] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:14:21] Speaker C: You know, for, for their communities and to, you know, keep the dollar in the community and to create, you know, sustainable sort of systems of support for each other within the communities. But, you know, I was, I was just, we just had this conversation with Aaron Axelman, who was a co director of this film called Israelism. And I was talking to them about the fact that like, as black people, we watch sort of this sort of era where they were talking about Asian hate, you know, stopping Asian hate or what have you. And you know, in my eyes, it's still white supremacy, you know, at the core of it, and white supremacist tools, whether it's Asian hate, whether it's anti Semitism, whether it's racism, whether it's all these things. But I feel like we're still in this place where we haven't come together and had this full on solidarity to all stand against white supremacy versus having these campaigns that are for our silos, that are for Jewish people, that is for Asian hate, that is for LGBTQ or what have you. And I feel like as a black trans woman, Queen John, Queen Jean, and you know, other folks that I see out there that are non binary and trans activists and queer activists, it seems like we're the few that are willing to try to occupy and amplify space at all of those intersections. [00:15:58] Speaker D: Yeah, I, I always say that, like, you're right, they're using the same tools. Adultification and dehumanization are the tools. Like there is the fuel that keeps white supremacy going and those are the tools that are being used in every single hate campaign. Everything. I'm going to deprive you of human qualities. I'm going to refer to you as an infestation. I'm going to deny you the aspect of just even expanding and sharing any aspect of human emotion. I'm going to say that your kids are adults. I'm going to say that they're not deserving of freedom or deserving of kindness or deserving of any aspect of just care overall, because what it does overall is it denies you freedoms. I remember having this conversation with someone about how black people have to read the room. It's life or death. Like that Hyper vigilance I told my patient was like, oh, I don't have to get ready because I stay ready. I said, yeah, girl, that's trauma. Did you know that a lot of some people, there's a whole group, a whole ethnicity that don't have to walk in and be like, let me See if I'm safe here, right? And the aspect of silos. Anytime I do a post on black men, I get asked about Black women. Anytime I do a post on black women, I get asked about Black men. Anytime I talk about, like, the LGBTQI community, I get asked about what about individuals and heterosexual relationships. And I've always stated, like, you do realize this division, who does this division benefit? Who does it benefit to feel like we're against each other instead of against one unified concept? Because when we're thinking about every community, the, the aspect of white supremacy, we should all be against that. [00:17:40] Speaker C: Absolutely. [00:17:41] Speaker D: I got asked one time about, I have a mental health community. And they were like, well, is it. Can I get into it? Can I join if it's. If I'm not black? And I said, I don't have a problem with non black people. I said, can you imagine if I judged a whole group of people off of an encounter with one individual? Sounds. Sounds a little prejudice. Now I do have a problem with racism. [00:18:02] Speaker C: Right? [00:18:03] Speaker D: So if that's the case, I mean, you probably, you probably want to protect yourself and stay out of this realm. But the biggest thing I state is like, my platform is for anyone who wants to educate themselves. [00:18:11] Speaker C: Right. [00:18:12] Speaker D: And decenter themselves. And I lead by example. There are times when I've been corrected and corrected myself. There are times when I, I feel as though some people attack a concept, attack a person. But like, some people say that they're not for feminism, but I'm like, I think you're just not for a particular person who identifies as a feminist. Like, it's, overall, when it comes down to it, anything that's good for black men is going to be good for black women and non binary black people. Anything that's good for black women is going to be good for black men. And not anything that's good for non binary black people is going to be good for black men and black women. Because we're a community. And I think individuals don't think about the aspect of, you think that you're against Asian people, you think you're against the LGBTQI people. But, like, the biggest thing is that we should all be against white supremacy. And by having these silos and having these divisions, we're never going to make sure that we burn it to the ground, because that's what benefits. Like, you know, that's what benefits. [00:19:02] Speaker C: And not only that, but what you talked about, what you pointed out, which I thought was great. It's like, you know, when you have, when you're having A conversation about black men, you're asked about black women. When you're having a conversation about black women, you're asked about black men and all, you know, and one thing that I've learned over the years in having these workshops and social justice trainings and all these different things is I think it was Dr. Jamie Washington. I always go back to him. He's just someone who taught me so much when it comes to racism and social justice. But, you know, he taught me to try to always focus on. And get people to focus on the people in the room. Because what happens is when we're having these conversations, it says if, oh, we all are on the same page, and the person who always needs to hear what we're talking about, it seems to never be in the room. So it's like, okay, so what are. What are we then doing in this room? So let's actually deal with the people in the room. So say, for instance, you know, when I think about. When I think about the state of life for black trans people, just. Just that in particular, what I see that as is a pie with many slices, and that everybody kind of has a slice of. Of accountability of conversation that can be had about what can be done. How can we respond to this circumstance differently? Because black men can respond to black trans women differently and need to respond to black trans women differently. Black CIS women can and need to respond to black trans women differently. You know, and then there's a conversation that might just be between me and my black trans sisters. I don't know, you know, maybe it ain't ready for the mainstream, you know, yet, but it's a conversation that we got to have with each other about how we are going to respond to the threat on our life and how we are responding to the offering of love on. On discount, you know, or, you know, barely that or what have you. So when you see these conditions that especially as black and brown people that we are maneuvering through, talk to me about what you see the like sort of effects of. Well, first I want to say, you know, there has been. I've witnessed obviously a migration out of the church. I definitely was one of those people. Now, meaning, like, I mean, in the mainstream numbers, since it's like a lot of people, I still see folks are going to church and things like that, but the church does not have the stronghold on. On folks that they used to. And a lot has been lost due to homophobic rhetoric and things, you know, things church is not evolving with the times. When you look on social Media between, you know, when you talk about not having. People used to use, I think, religion and God, you know, especially in my household, you know, we didn't believe in therapy at first. We didn't. You know, that was a luxury for black people. [00:22:14] Speaker D: Nobody did. Y'all. Y'all was on trend. [00:22:16] Speaker C: We were on trend. Okay. We were on trend. Okay. And. But it was like, you know, you take it to God and you take it to Jesus, and then what happens when you are in a space when you can't even take it to Jesus, you know, meaning, like, you've lost that connection because you found yourself somewhere in the spiritual abuse of things. How can people. Or do you see. Do you see any of the sort of, like, I guess, causes from either folks not having resources, either spiritual or mental health resources, and having to be in this whole new social media realm and sort of, how do we access the tools that we need? [00:22:57] Speaker D: Yeah. I feel like specifically, especially with the black community, the church holds a very special place in most of our hearts. And it's even. I've dealt with patients where it's tough because it's like sometimes it's like that. That toxic ex. It's like, I don't love him. I don't want to love him. Her. Them anymore. But this. This. This individual feels like home to me. Like, I grew up in the church. Being one of those kids is just like. No, I mean, Sunday was just another day to go to church. But there was also like, choir practice and all that. [00:23:28] Speaker C: Yep, I went to choir practice. [00:23:29] Speaker D: Yeah. And the aspect of, I think what people don't get who work with our. Work with black people and work with our population, that automatically state that if something doesn't work for you or if you can't understand the concept, to just get rid of it. Just telling someone to walk away from the church. I think people need to separate the church from their spirituality. But I also think individuals need to understand that specifically licensed professional. That's not how our culture is. You know, some people, at a certain point, that's all we had was the church all the way till enslavement. It was when chores were less. It was when you wore the nicest clothes. It was when possible, you got more food. It was where people collected money to send so and so to school. It's where people learn. It was the only place where you can honestly feel like you were able to be within. With your community and, like, be trusted and stuff like that. And it's not that simple. What you're naming in Terms of like, I always call it like, you know, house business stays in the house is spiritual bypassing. And that's when individuals will use spiritual practices or beliefs to avoid like facing unresolved emotional issues or psychological wounds or anything like that. It's like if you prayed hard enough, this wouldn't happen. [00:24:44] Speaker C: Right, Right. [00:24:45] Speaker D: You, you know, you need to take it to God. And that's like, I'd rather take it to the person who attacked me. This is, this isn't that like I, I'd rather address the, the, the person, human being who we can all address who harmed me. I'd rather address them. Right. And a lot of times that the people are bypassing that and when you do that, you're avoiding your painful emotions. You're putting such. [00:25:08] Speaker C: But do you see? Do you see? Because I feel like I'm seeing a mental state that it correlates to some of the current, even political conversation that, that does that spirit, this spiritual by passing place. I'm not talking about like, but there is, there seems to be like a growing space that feels irrational in one sense, but like completely devoted in, in their minds and in their set as saying God is the, the beginning, end and whatever of everything. And yet, you know, so much so that you would have people who call themselves Christian and God fearing people saying that they're voting for Trump. Like when Trump was first running because he's, I don't know where I still can't figure out what dot they were connecting to but people. But like, I think it was like Erica Campbell or one of them was like saying that because of her faith that she, and I'm like, wait, so how does it then get folks into a state where instead of addressing the issue. And that's why, that's why I feel like again where we're having almost like these social, political conversations, I'm feeling a brick wall that almost feels like a spiritual bypassing. A wall of spiritual bypassing. [00:26:49] Speaker D: I think it's, I, I will say I think it's also starting to be a generational thing. Is that what it like? Because I work across the, the with individuals across the age span and I don't find that as much with the younger generation. I find individuals being like, oh, you're not about to, you're not about to try to use my God against me. That's what's not gonna happen. Right. I, I don't find that happening as much with the younger individuals. [00:27:16] Speaker C: Wow. [00:27:16] Speaker D: In the first place, I, I, that's. [00:27:18] Speaker C: A good, that's good. [00:27:18] Speaker D: News it accountable, but holding other people accountable as well could, I mean, some people could have better delivery, but that's not my job to police how you decide to advocate for yourself, you know, like, I'm not about to do that. I will say for the older generation though, and individuals in that realm where it's just like, like the emperor has no clothes. Like, what, what are you, what, what are you talking about? Like, this makes no sense. A lot of times I feel like it's a fear thing. I also think it's a lack of education and not education in terms of like, you know, good old fashioned book learning education in the, in the realm past. You know, he who controls the media controls the mind. [00:28:02] Speaker C: Absolutely. [00:28:03] Speaker D: People. You'd be surprised how many individuals only stay in their realm of engaging with people on the news that thinks like them or family members and genuinely don't go outside their realm. A lot of times it's because of fears. Sometimes it's because there's no, there's no other option but to try to advocate even the aspect of Trump being elected. He is in the 1%. The, the thought process that anyone who is in the 1% would ever grasp anything that you went through, anything that you needed to be advocated for, there's no sense in that. There was no sense in the election, literally 1%, 99%. He, he, he, he doesn't align with you. But that the lack of education, the lack of intellect, media. I think there's also a fear. There are some people, I totally get it, the, like spirituality and religion in the Bible, but there's a fear that comes with knowing more. There's a reason why they say ignorance is bliss. The more I know, the more I'm like, oh man, I need to know. [00:29:05] Speaker C: Well, yeah, I, I'll tell you that the more that I have learned, the more more I even upset I am because, you know, there's just so many things, even with this, the war with Palestine and Israel, you know, I, I, I resigned for so long to, it's complicated because that, it was, that's, they just made it so complicated. And then, you know, speaking to Marianne Williamson, she was like, it's not complicated, it's corrupt. You know, And I'm like, yeah, that would be a more accurate, you know, sort of statement for it. Because to hear this October 7th thing and October 7th thing and October the 7th thing and I, it makes me really upset at people like Barack Obama because I'm like, I know you know better. I know that. I know I'm not, I'M a black trans woman who scraped from the margins for everything. I know. So I know you know better than me. [00:29:54] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:29:55] Speaker C: That this didn't start on October 7th. And I know that the ways in which. Because there's so many things and so how. So I want to know from you, I know that one of the things that you've identified that is stressing the folks out. [00:30:13] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:30:14] Speaker C: Is. Is poverty and, and, you know, finances. [00:30:19] Speaker E: Okay, picture this. It's Friday afternoon when a thought hits you. I can spend another weekend doing the same old whatever, or I can hop into my all new Hyundai Santa Fe and hit the road. With available htrac, all wheel drive and three row seating, my whole family can head deep into the wild, conquer the weekend in the all new Hyundai Santa Fe. Visit HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for more details. Hyundai. There's joy in every journey. Okay, picture this. It's Friday afternoon when a thought hits you. I can spend another weekend doing the same old whatever. Or I can hop into my all new Hyundai Santa Fe and hit the road with available htrac, all wheel drive and three row seating. My whole family can head deep into the wild, conquer the weekend in the all new Hyundai Santa Fe. Visit HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for more details. Hyundai. There's joy in every journey. [00:31:18] Speaker C: And meanwhile, if you ask the Biden administration, they're saying that the economy is booming. [00:31:25] Speaker D: I mean, yeah, didn't you get rich off of that twelve hundred dollars? Did you not get rich off of that twelve hundred dollars they gave? I don't think I did covet, like even, like, even if you didn't get. Well, you know, how, how could you not? Because clearly everyone had bank accounts and everybody qualified. How did the account. [00:31:41] Speaker C: Listen, I had applied, I applied for a PPP loan and I had employees and I had whatever and I, I had, I, I think I qualified and the applications were shut down just like that because of the flood of applications. And, and yet fraudulent folks and people are still going, getting their day in court because of fraudulently applying for these loans. [00:32:03] Speaker D: That was supposed to fix the economy. Because all of these things are supposed to fix the economy. Right? Like, right. [00:32:09] Speaker C: It's mixed messages. It's mixed messages. And so they're rushing to try to, you know, to forgive all the student loans, which, hey, if you could go down the list, you see Ross, Angelica. [00:32:21] Speaker D: On that list, Martin actually go under Mac, because just in case it's, it's in the past name look under both. [00:32:26] Speaker C: Yes. Yeah, mine might be under the other name. Call me. I'll give you that one too. [00:32:30] Speaker D: Yeah, no problem. [00:32:31] Speaker C: We'll get going that. But like, I would love to get my loans forgiven, but with poverty, with that being like a main stressor. And then you have social media and everybody selling their highlight reels. How do you see things? Do you see a way out of this? Do you see. How do you see folks being able to mentally deal with the transition that we're in or even just. What are some tips that you could give folks to sort of deal with these hard times, especially as we go through financial times that may go up and down, just period throughout life. Anyway. [00:33:16] Speaker D: Yeah, I would state one of the. I know it's gonna sound corny. I've always said that you don't need therapy to heal. It's amazing and it's a great addition. Therapy isn't the only way to heal, but you, you can't heal or work towards your healing journey in isolation. I've always stated that we need a community. I don't think there's any way forward without that. I find one of the most difficult things for individuals is that feeling of isolation. And not only in the community around you, but even in the social verse. I know the Internet is not a place, but they sure act like one. The impact of it is very true. And people having difficulty building relationships with others, with friends and self. And one of the things when I'm coming up with plans for patients who we come up with plans for, like them having really difficult times, I always state, like, when you're coming up with goals, we're going to discuss what happens when you miss the mark. Because a lot of things that makes people stressed out is not having a plan for when they fall on their behind. So you stay sitting on your behind and it's like, oh, no. I was in session with Dr. Martin last week and she told me I might follow, follow my behind. And here's my step plan for that. Right. I do the same thing with crisis plans with people. Because at the end of the day, that's where we're at. And one of the biggest things I state is like, okay, so what's the aspect of community and family and just driving home the fact that so many of us were not born into the family that we deserve or the family that deserves us? You build the family you deserve. Right? Like family of origin and family of choice of the same thing. And if you're struggling and you're dealing with mental health difficulties or we're coming up with some kind of crisis plan, they need to know about it. If you are talking about advocacy and social justice, having to rage against the machine alone, it's not possible. It's just not possible. You have resistance fatigue and you have compassion fatigue. You. You start to get numb to the things that you're seeing. Oh, it's just another thing on the news. And, and that's how you know there's an issue and you don't even feel like you can lean on anyone. Right. Community is the biggest thing. But I, I will also state, you can't acknowledge, you can't address what you don't acknowledge. So even taking the time to state that, like, yes, it's hard, it's hard. I, like anyone who's stating that it's not hard for them, I would love to see, like, what you're doing and if you could just spread that around, because it's hard for all of us. [00:35:29] Speaker C: Well, I think that one thing that people are. Don't kind of quite get is where it come. When it comes to the stock market, you know, going up and down and things like that or whatever. I don't, I don't know whether this, like, let's say I don't know where the stock market is up or down, but what I do know is it's down, meaning, like, for all of us. So when it's down in certain areas, it ain't just that. So and so is over here struggling and she got a GoFundMe I can't believe. Blah, blah, blah. No, all of us is doing a go fund somewhere, you understand? Like, all of us is trying to find fun somewhere. And, you know, I even myself recently, you know, I've told folks I'm going to, you know, use this podcast to be in a space where without sharing all my business and, you know, being mindful about the details that I share, but being transparent so that folks understand and can connect to the very real struggle that we're all in. But, like, I need folks to understand that I was very aware of the consequences that may come along with me speaking up and speaking out the way that I have and maneuvering the way that I have. And some part of those consequences have been me not working some jobs, you know, for months for, you know, probably since like October, September, I don't know, July, something last of last year. And so the thing is, though, is that because I have obviously planned and saved and, you know, have just kind of other things Going, but who can? Not who can? But I've been lasting several months, paying bills and not having this income and so starting to sort of. There was this moment where I was starting to stress out and you know, I chant I'm a Buddhist and you know, we chant my dad. Really? That's amazing. [00:37:25] Speaker D: I remember you. [00:37:26] Speaker C: I saw a comment of that and like, so, but it's sometimes like have. It's like sometimes having your vegetables where you don't. You sometimes forget how beneficial you not forget, but you just, you know, eat your vegetables. And so yes, I could just, you know, and I'm sitting here chanting and. But I have anxiety. I have diagnosed general anxiety disorder, you know, and so I try to manage that and you know, we're getting to this really anxious place. And then as I was chanting and like studying too, because it just kind of. I had this aha moment and things hit me and I was able to realize that I was okay in the long term sense that there was no fire right now and that I had options and actions that I could take in all we. In order to always take care of myself. But it was some work trying to bring myself back from this state of anxiety to a place of saying, actually everything's going to be okay and I'm going to be able to deal with my things. And even when that if another problem comes along, I'll be able to deal with that. But it's, I think it's really a struggle for folks to compare ourselves to everybody else and things that other people are doing and thinking that other people are doing better than us. And I just want to, to put a dose out there without, I guess again saying, being specific, but just saying I'm out here struggling too. I'm out here. I use talk space and I have my therapist that I use on, on talk space and you know, I have my spiritual practice. But even with those tools, I think that folks still have to be prepared for the moments are still there. You know what I mean? Like being Buddhist doesn't mean I don't have moments of utter, you know, fear or just certain things or you have moments of. So we still are going to experience the feelings that we're going to experience, but just trying to get into a space where we don't allow those things to sort of take over our lives. [00:39:51] Speaker D: Yeah. So I, okay, so I'm, I'm a, I'm a fan of tangible stuff and prep. So when it comes down to it, when I'm working with my patients, most of the time we're gonna plan with the actual aspect of what is going to be in, like, your mental health toolbox. Toolbox overall. Like, I. I state that, like, you know, as a clinician in the room, you know, the tool is going to be me. I'm taking on all this information. I'm reading books, and I'm going to be able to, like, pivot based off of what you said in the moment. I try to have my patients do the same exact thing to the point where even though I even had a patient who had panic attacks, a couple of them, and they lose their breath when they had panic attacks. So I would make them do jumping jacks or run around the room so that they would increase their heart rate so that we work on ways to bring it down. Like, I'm all about, like, we don't practice. [00:40:38] Speaker C: That's. That's wild. That's why they're having a panic attack. [00:40:41] Speaker D: Well, when they're having a panic attack, their heart rate increases. And then it was a thing where anytime their heart rate would increase for anything, they would think that they were having a panic attack, which would freak them out and put them in this cycle. So my whole thing was, your heart rate is increasing. I want you to understand that we're going to practice the skills that help to bring your heart rate down. So if it is a panic attack, you know the skills, and if it's not a panic attack, you can still use the skills in that moment. [00:41:03] Speaker C: Right, Gotcha. [00:41:05] Speaker D: So it's all about prep, right? So I do it a couple of. [00:41:08] Speaker C: I'm taking notes because panic attacks. So I'm like, what you say now? [00:41:11] Speaker D: Because the biggest thing is the fear that, like, you feel like you can't breathe. You feel like you can't breathe, Right? And the biggest thing is feeling as though it's not going to last. But if you work on the skills to make it so that, like. Okay, so I was in Dr. Martin's office, and these were the, like, the three big skills that helped me to bring my breath down to where it needed to be. You know, that you have the ability to do it. You have to practice it is the biggest thing. Like, you can't just feel as though, like, oh, I'm gonna work on this skill in session. And that's the only time. No, like, go outside, make yourself freak out, and remember the skills. Because if you're in therapy one hour a week, and that's amazing if you able to do that, and that's the only time you dedicate to working on yourself, that's less than 1% of your week. [00:41:51] Speaker C: Right. [00:41:52] Speaker D: And even with therapy, a lot of times my patients will be like, oh, you helped me so much. Nah. Like you're doing the heavy lifting outside of session, so the skills have to be practiced. [00:42:01] Speaker C: Would you say. Would you say practicing those skills out of session? Because I. I think that right now, how some of us get by, I'm probably one of those. Some of those folks is that I. I love spending so much time alone. [00:42:15] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:42:16] Speaker C: You know, I definitely am isolated. I do. But I. I still, you know, get out in the world. But I think that a lot of folks, I think that practice. Wouldn't you say, comes in a daily life situation where, again, life should be great, and then there's gonna be a moment where there's traffic, where there's the dmv, whether it's your mama or whether it's whoever else that you're going to have to now, you know, practice those things. But I think what you're saying is, you know, it sounds great and all in therapy. [00:42:43] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:42:43] Speaker C: But are you able to actually implement these skills when the time, you know, during the week? [00:42:50] Speaker D: You have to, because. So with patients, I'll have them come up with, like, a coping kit. Sometimes it's a physical kit. I'll have, like, those little makeup bags. [00:42:58] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:42:59] Speaker D: And we'll do things like, depending on what resonates with them. I have some patients that are very sensory. So when we're coming up with coping skills, I'll try to resonate with each aspect of senses that are best for them. So like, one of my patients, she was. She was big on scent. So we would do you. You know, they actually have, like, aromatherapy neck, you know, bracelets and necklaces, stuff like that. So that was in, like, her little makeup bag or her coping kit. And when she came in a session where we're physically in session, she got to pick her favorite scent in session, so she was able to chill. There was one of my patients who, when they would have. When they would go through their thought spirals, they needed something to, like, bring them to the moment. So during the summer, it wasn't even she. He always had iced coffee. So I'd be like, okay, so grab the coffee that you. Because I know the coffee. Don't stay in that cup for long. You'd be guzzling this caffeine. Grab it out there and bring yourself to the moment. Because the biggest thing about these exercises, these grounding exercises that bring you to the present moment, they're meant to take you out of that negative thought spiral. Right? So some people, it's sour candy, which can go in your coping kit. Some people, it's ice. Some people are like, oh, I don't have ice around me all the time. All right, well, I mean, you know, get an ice pack. Break that John. Keep it in your car so you can have it. Right. That's if people are more sensory. One of my patients, we crocheted. The aspect of her being able to, like, pick out her yarn, love picking out her freaking yarn, and, like, having it. So you're just, like, having the sensory aspect of focusing on something. And knots took her out of that negative thought spiral. There's even people who do better with, like, the. The cognitive aspect. One of the things I'll state is breathing is always amazing. It will bring you down in the moment. Some of my people don't want to do the breathing. Fine. If you want to talk about the thought process, I want you to name somebody that you know. Give me a name for every single letter of the Alphabet. That's Alex, that's Bob, that's Chris for all of that. If you in your car. And a lot of times people go to their car because they're stressing out, and you're seeing all. And you're in a parking lot and you're seeing these license plate. I want you to come up with a color for every single letter of the license plate. I want you to think about routines, because routines will also ground you. Think about something that you can do with your eyes closed. For me, that's like making Mac and cheese, right? So I'm like. And they always feel corny doing this. I'm like, okay, so you're gonna make the Mac and cheese. Oh, I boil the water where you get the pan. Once you get the pan. Oh, okay. So I start the pan once you put the water in the pan. Something that you can literally do without thinking. You know how sometimes you make it home and you're like, yo, when was I? Did I turn left, right? [00:45:15] Speaker C: Exactly, Exactly. Just do things automatically. [00:45:17] Speaker D: You just do it automatically. Think about how grounded it could be for you to think about just the step by step by step by step thing that you know how to do without fail. That will calm you down, because it's just like driving home. It could be a routine. It can also be something as simple as I tell my patients, something that is very helpful is what we identify as opposite action. And that means I want you to do the exact opposite of what your emotions are telling you to do because it's a vicious cycle. You get sad, and then you sit in bed, and you sit in bed, and then you feel bad for not getting up. And I'm just like, okay, so instead of getting sad and going to the bed, sit on the couch. Sit on the couch. And sometimes people are like, okay, so as soon as I get sad, I should go for a walk. I think it's amazing if you can do that, but a lot of people can't do that, right? And I'm all about meeting you where you at. I am the monarch of meeting you where you're at. So instead of going out the door, maybe go sit on the couch so that you don't climb into the bed. Maybe you sit in the most uncomfortable chair you have in your house, like it was on sale. You hate that chair. But you're not about to, you know, sit down and feel bad about it before you go out the door, right? Maybe you think of specific distractors. And these are all things that I state. I want you to be prepared. [00:46:21] Speaker C: Listen, I didn't know that I was going to be able to get a session because when I'm telling you all these things, I'm like, okay, I'm taking notes. I'm just. Because honestly, I think these are really great, first of all. So those of you that are listening, definitely take note of all of these. And I know that you share a lot on your. On your social media, just from your perspective of. Of a lot of your other things that you share. But I think that that is very useful for a lot of people is to be able to snap out of whatever they're getting caught up in and that thinking or how are you finding that way. I'm fortunate enough to live in Georgia. I have this walking path by my house, so I have my Doberman. So when I get to go out, you know, I. I don't know. And maybe this is something. I don't know if this is a. There's a term for it or not, but I. I have this ability. I say I'm like a turtle. I have this ability to all of a sudden just sink into myself. I'm there, but I'm literally not. So I used to not be able to do this, but it's. I don't know if it's trauma or whatever it is, but it's like I will be so overloaded with sensory stuff, with phone calls, meetings. I have to do this, I have to do that. And so I've enjoyed. I've been Able to enjoy in this complete disconnect where I go outside. I don't even have my phone. I don't listen to music. I'm just seeing the birds. And the thing, I don't even, almost don't even have a thought in my head. I used to not be able to do that. I think it might be the Buddhism. [00:48:03] Speaker D: And I was actually about to say, think about when you're chanting, right? [00:48:06] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [00:48:07] Speaker D: And this is. So my mom is a Christian. My dad is a Buddhist. Anytime something happens, my mom says she'll pray for me, and my dad says he'll chant for me. But when you think about it in the. Yeah, that's why when people say they can't accept stuff, I'd be like, not over here. And not even acceptance. Like, I, I'm, I don't need you to accept me. I deserve to be celebrated. Okay. I was reared in a home where it's a running joke where my mom is like, my dad wants to do something and it's something absurd. She's like, yeah, I'll do that. As soon as you say the, the Sunday prayer. As soon as you say the Sunday dinner prayer, I'll be sure to do that. [00:48:42] Speaker C: Like, you know, I think that's. So, wait, wait. So wait, are you saying that, Are you saying that. Wait, how long was this, the situation where your mom is Christian and your dad is Buddhist? [00:48:53] Speaker D: My dad's been Buddhist as long as I've known him. They used to be. Wow. They used to be Catholic, but not since I've known him, like, since he was a kid. [00:49:00] Speaker B: Right. [00:49:00] Speaker D: Yeah, my dad. Yeah. His whole side of the family is Buddhist. All of them. Wow. [00:49:05] Speaker C: You know, because there's, there's a, There's a book that I would love. I mean, he probably already knows it too, but it's called Baptist Teachers, Buddhist Preacher. Oh, no, excuse me. Baptist preachers, Buddhist Teacher. And it's about a Baptist preacher who met our Buddhist organization and found the commonality in spirituality and found, like, just these great sort of profound similarities. But what I love about our practice, I haven't been able to get there yet, but I, I, it does put us in this position where you could be in that kind of relationship and situation. It's not, I, for me, it's not ideal just because of what I think, what I've come up through as a black trans woman, me meeting another Christian who could meet me. Where I'm at is it would be a needle in a haystack, but there for other folks. I do See that there's this respect. So for you, how did you develop your sense or what? For you. Where did the pieces come together for you as spirituality is concerned? [00:50:15] Speaker D: I. I've always. And I think this is also being in a home where it was never. There's never been any realm of disrespect with either one of their religions or spirituality like that. I've never seen it. My dad. And it's funny. My dad's favorite movie of all time is actually 12 commandments. It's very funny. [00:50:34] Speaker C: Wow. [00:50:35] Speaker D: But, like, it's just one of his. It's his favorite. It's insane. And his whole family is Buddhist, so I think it actually just. It was. It's just never an option for me to. Not. Not only just the acceptance part, because when people say the acceptance, I'm just like, acceptance is the bare minimum. More people deserve to be celebrated. I've always been in a realm where my spirituality and. And my anchor is treating people with respect and also respecting who they are. And I don't have to understand you, but I do respect and acknowledge the fact that you're human. And I don't advocate for any realm because I also think more people need to be comfortable with the fact that your church, Your church and your spirituality not. Are not the same thing. Like, there was a time when I had to struggle with churches, but I never had to struggle with my spirituality. Right. [00:51:25] Speaker C: Right. [00:51:25] Speaker D: And I think people struggle with that. Right. Like when they're like when we talked about, like, leaving the church, and it's like, leaving the church does not mean that you left God. [00:51:32] Speaker C: Absolutely. [00:51:33] Speaker D: And I think many people have difficulties with that. So I've never had an issue with spirituality. I tell my mom all the time, who. Who basically, I know she thinks I'm a heathen in the loving form. I was like, you know, I just stay away from the big ten girl. Like, I just stay away from the big ten, the coveting, the murder. [00:51:47] Speaker C: Right. [00:51:47] Speaker D: You know, I just stay away from the big ten girl. You know, I was bed. I was Bedside Baptist today. But you know what else? I was a great human. Okay. So I just stayed with the big ten. And with my dad, he's always been very much like, you know, now be mindful of the energy you put out. Be. Be mindful of the fact that things are going to come back to you. And once you just. You just. I always say, like, anchor yourself in that. I just treat people like human beings. I feel the same way with parenting. Like, people say this stuff about gentle or conscious parenting. And I'm like, I just treat my kids like human beings. It doesn't have to have a name on it. That's how I was brought up. Like a Christian and a Buddhist, and my mom is a Christian. Like, like, yo. When she heard my podcast and she was like, you cuss a lot. I said, yeah, girl, I love cussing. And she was like, why? She was just like, I never cursed. And I said, oh, well, mom, this had nothing to do with you, girl. [00:52:42] Speaker C: Right? [00:52:42] Speaker D: I said, what that got to do with me? It's fun for me. It's a favorite pastime. [00:52:46] Speaker C: She is so, so let me ask you. But let me. Let me ask you this. Like, so with you focusing, so with you creating a space, and I saw that you were collaborating with. It was like a mental health organization to do, because I. I came in on one of your. [00:53:03] Speaker D: Oh, Boris L. Hansen. Boris L. Hansen Foundation. Yeah. [00:53:06] Speaker C: Yes. I. I thought that was really a great conversation, too. Just especially with folks who are doing, like, social justice work and doing those things and learning how to also still take care of them theirselves, you know, sort of like learning how to sort of even pass the baton when it's time to pass baton and allow others that are in here in this fight to do these things. What does that look like for you personally? Like how, you know, as you position yourself to be this resource and provider, you know, and you are a provider. Literally. Yeah, you're a provider. You have patience, so you are a provider. How do you make sure that you are also being provided for? [00:53:49] Speaker D: 1? I have a psychologist, so there's that. I would also state that. And this is the thing. I think this is something that would be helpful for you, Angelica, is being in this space because as a clinician, we train and we. To learn about compassion fatigue. It's in our training to think about the aspects of how it's going to come on. What are signs to recognize? We have individuals. [00:54:12] Speaker C: I need to learn that we have. [00:54:14] Speaker D: Individual and group supervision where you're able to, you know, everyone is talking about their cases de identified. Everyone is able to have that communication. What I find with activists, and at one point I told my old colleague, I was like, you know, if I could do anything, I would legit create a whole community solely for activists in terms of resistance fatigue. Because the way that we learn in our work about the signs for compassion fatigue, y'all don't get that when it comes to resistance fatigue. You don't know that. Like the signs of feeling numb and then Feeling bad because you felt numb. And then trying to figure out the plan for when you feel numb. The aspect of community and signs that you feel as though we've had to discuss this, like, say, my colleagues are around me and I don't feel like they're upholding the cultural humility or practicing the way they should be. The way you have conversations that happens in ACT with organizers and activists all the time being like, I mean, you say you forest, but did you see that stuff they posted? Did you see that person that they was just kicking it with and is the antithesis of what we're fighting for? How do we advocate for that? How do we. [00:55:13] Speaker C: And that'd be so wild because. It'd be so wild because I'd be thinking sometimes that that's just me having the experience. But you just like kind of name something that. It's funny because maybe there does need to be the space where more of us can almost even be able to discuss that because it, it's. It's as if there are certain people within our community who have more privilege to sort of cosplay in liberation. [00:55:38] Speaker D: Oh, yeah. [00:55:40] Speaker C: And so they, they sort of like, it just. It irks me that, like, I love that we're in the time where we get to have films like Rustin. Right. And at the same time, it irks my freaking nerves that the actors or people who play that will be more celebrated than the activists who are doing that very work today. [00:56:01] Speaker D: Yes. And the individuals who the. The work was based off of. [00:56:06] Speaker C: Yeah. Yes. [00:56:08] Speaker D: It happens in activists all the time. Is it addressed? No. Happens all the time. [00:56:13] Speaker C: And we, and I, I think, you know, I think it is something that does need to be addressed. You're right. Like, you know, this, this compassion fatigue. Because I definitely have had to learn over time because this is. I don't know no other way because of how I'm built. This is the work I am meant to do. But because of that, over my life, I've had various people take advantage of me, take advantage of, of, like, the fact that they know you're compassionate. They know that you have a heart to give and serve. I have created a whole organization and nonprofit to address employment and certain issues. I, you know, participate in all these other ways. And yet folks might find a way around even all of that to get at my heartstrings and pull at my heartstrings. But I need this, and I could still do this. And my, you know, and, and, and, and of course I care about everybody and everybody's Struggles. But. [00:57:21] Speaker D: Or else you wouldn't be doing the work. [00:57:23] Speaker C: Or else I wouldn't be doing the work. But there is something that I did learn through my spiritual practice, and it's something along the lines of it has. And I want to. I have to do more study about it. And I'm gonna. Y'all, I'm gonna bring it back one side. I'm gonna put a pin in this, and I'm gonna bring it back. But what. What I'm basically talking about is this concept of not feeling sorry for folks. Folks. And it has to do with honoring their process and honoring their authority over their own lives and them being the authors of their lives, them being able to wield the power of choice in their life and activate that in ways. And so I can inspire folks, I can motivate, I can do a lot of things, but I can't do a lot for people on their behalf. I can't do the work for them. I can't do certain things. And so, you know, for myself, I was a black. I'm not saying that I need to see everybody go through all the struggles that I have gone through, but what I know is that I had to just go through my moments that I was in. There was no eject button out of my circumstances. I. But it was this embrace for me. I don't know if this. But for me, it was this acceptance of my circumstances, and then moment by moment, saying, I'm worth more than this. Like, I. I was. I was a girl doing sex work on the street for 250 a pop. And, you know, eventually I was just like, okay, 250 is not enough to be in my company. And then it was, you know, a little bit more and a little bit more. But it was like I was a sex worker living in an apartment with, you know, my circumstances. And that's what it was, you know? And so it's like, as much I. I'm trying. I'm creating, like, so. So with trans tech and creating jobs and creating things, I'm creating pipelines for people to work day by day, to get there, but I have people in the state of urgency, you understand? And everything. Everybody's in the state of urgency with what the. The struggle and everything that they're feeling and my perceived privilege or perceived safety or whatever the case is, when I gotta. I gotta get on the hamster wheel too, at times, you know what I'm saying? To keep my. My things going. But I've learned to not allow myself to feel like I'll give the coat off my back. I was just in Los Angeles a couple days ago and this man was naked outside my building downtown. And I just literally started taking off my coat. And before I just realized one, he couldn't fit it, two, he had already thrown his clothes off into the street. You understand what. So it wasn't a thing where he didn't have clothes. But I have to get myself to a place where I know that I am seeing the. I'm not turning away from people's pain and the things that are going on, but I'm also, and I'm also doing what I can do to help, but I can't also sacrifice my own safety and well being. I think in order to try to. Because I have to almost take care of myself. It's about putting the mask on. Take care of yourself. [01:00:52] Speaker D: Yeah, I was gonna say it's putting the mask on. I would also state, it seems like what you're stating is one, respecting the authority. [01:01:00] Speaker C: Thank you for this therapy session. [01:01:03] Speaker D: I was gonna say one, you're respecting the autonomy and other people. Right. One of the things that I think contributes to the detriment of relationships is not conflict. It's poor conflict resolution. And that happens a lot because you may be part of you does not trust that individual to handle the conflict appropriately. Maybe you think they're going to degrade you and stuff so you end up lying or the relationship breaks down. So it seems like one, you're trusting the autonomy and other people. But two, you're acknowledging that boundaries need to be set so that you can give what you can give. And I, when it comes to boundaries, which is like the buzzword of the, of the century, people confuse boundaries with rules. Boundaries will guide your behavior. Rule guide someone else's. Right. You see all these think pieces about what do you do when someone violates your boundary? You can't do anything. You just need to look in the mirror. Because the only person who can violate your boundaries is you. And it's important to have the distinction because a boundary, somebody can violate your rule, but your boundary will still stay firm. It could be a rule that people are not screaming in the house and they start screaming in the house. And your boundary is. I don't stay anywhere that makes me feel uncomfortable. So although they broke that rule of not screaming, your boundary is that I'm not going to stay somewhere where I feel uncomfortable and you leave. Right? Yes. And I would also say it seems like, and this is when I've done work with activists before, when we have when I have new, newer clinicians, because I also train clinicians, I found that sometimes they take on cases that they should not be taken on because they want to help and their work is in that realm. And I said, you know what, I totally understand that you want to help, but you can also understand that you need to have a certain level of expertise to help. So one of the things that helps them is I help them build a resource list. A resources or referral list will stop you from taking on cases you shouldn't. And it made me think of, for example, have you heard of Raquel Savage? [01:02:43] Speaker C: Yes, I have. [01:02:44] Speaker D: She has the equitable Care certification which certifies clinicians to actually work with sex work workers. Like this is a. She and her team created this. Right. And so when you're, when you're thinking of the realm, I feel like so many people take on things because they can't find the resource or the resources. And out there, or when they were having a moment of silence, they didn't think to, you know, let me just see if I can add some more resources so that when somebody asks for something, it's like, I can't do that. However, here is an amazing resource for you. And I see it all the time with clinicians I'm training. I'm like, why would you, why would you take on this person who struggle with racism related stress when you don't know how to work on racism related stress? Well, I wanted to help. Well, that you actually did the antithesis of that. Because that's a specialty. Right. I feel like, Right. One, you're putting, you're, you're, you're honoring your boundaries. Two, you're respecting the autonomy and someone to be able to take care of themselves. But three, and you might benefit from building a bit of a bigger resource list to be like, I can't. But, you know, who cares? [01:03:41] Speaker C: Absolutely. [01:03:42] Speaker D: You know, who might not think, who might be able to. And this is also. [01:03:45] Speaker C: No, you are so right. It's going to help me so tremendously. And, and it's something I used to do when I was more sitting in the seat of, of the executive director of Transtech because I would get so many people who came in, I'm trying to teach tech skills and employment. [01:03:59] Speaker D: Yeah. [01:03:59] Speaker C: And they're having issues with housing or hell, you know, all these other things. And we would have resources, you know, to point them in that direction. But as someone who is out here free willy, nilly, as someone people are motivated and inspired by. And when I tell you so Many people come to me. I'm going to be. I have a course that I'm launching online called the personal PhD where I am creating a small space for people to come to me and engage with me on the specifics that I'm training on, specifically creating an unshakable understanding of both your. Of your value and understanding how to have more of a control and engagement of your life condition of whether you're vibrating on a lower frequency or a higher frequency. So I'm creating those spaces for folks to do that, but outside of that, you know, it. This is. This is a really important conversation for me. I'm going to have to definitely go back to all of this because it's giving me the freedom to see myself as a public figure. [01:05:04] Speaker D: Yeah. [01:05:04] Speaker C: Because there are people who are very shocked right now that they get responses from me in the dms. [01:05:12] Speaker D: I would be, too. [01:05:13] Speaker C: I'll be real in the comments. [01:05:15] Speaker D: When I got the podcast request, I said, who? Yeah. [01:05:18] Speaker C: Yes. I responded back so quick, let me tell you, because I'm such a. I'm here, I'm present, and I'm. I understand. But at the same time, some people understand that and other people don't understand that as a public figure, it's not just me on one on one with one and two and three, it's like thousands of people. Like thousands, like for real thousands. And so I do my best to try to like, engage in these ways, but what I've learned now is to create these boundaries and also these sort of like, things that says, okay, I've created a whole organization to deal with if. For, if you truly, if that's what you want is advice on career and doing this trans tech. We had a whole summit that's free to you. We got all these resources. You can definitely go there. But I find a lot of times people want. They want me, they want my time, they want my energy. And I've had to learn to almost create an accountability measure around receiving that. You know, I'm totally okay with engaging that if it's benefiting both of us, if you're even taking on what I'm telling you. But if it's, you know, I've had people, you know, who will take up time and I would, you know, try to give them advice and certain things. And it usually either just came down to they wanted, you know, my nephew wanted some money or somebody wanted something, you know, and just entertain me for a little bit and heard what I wanted to say, but, you know, got to the point of now can you. [01:06:46] Speaker B: Give me a check or something? [01:06:47] Speaker D: But I feel like that makes sense. And even the fact that you're creating accountability pieces with that when, when individuals are identifying their boundaries and you've identified it's a boundary, not a rule. You also need to think about when you violate that boundary because you will. What contributed to that violation? Like, was it. I said I wasn't going to do that, but it was the closeness of my relationship with that person. [01:07:06] Speaker C: Right. [01:07:07] Speaker D: I was exhausted and I didn't feel right drawing that line. Like you also have to work through what contributed to that violation so that you can look for those signs in the first place. Oh, I mentioned the fact that a lot of times you have this conversation with me and they're intense topics and I cannot do that on my way home because I bring that energy into the house. Why did I answer the phone when you called? Oh, because you double called me. So now the new thing is, Ayo, don't double call me unless you in prison, because I can't, I can't talk to you during this time at that realm. And even this is why I create resource lists. This is why I create worksheets and bundles. Because people are like, oh, can you provide me with this? Or find me a clinician? I can't right now. However, what I can do is I created this 20 page ebook that is free. Download it and it has questions that you can ask and there's 30 resources about how to find it. Oh, I'm dealing with black identity development issues. What should I do? I can't. I have a full caseload. But what I did do was create this list of ways that you can help yourself. How do I deal with this issue? I can't help you right now. But here's a self monitoring guide. Here's a thing about coping skills and coping kit and that can help you. [01:08:06] Speaker C: So you're not just making this up. You do have some resources. [01:08:09] Speaker D: Oh, these are all on my website. These, these are free for people to access. These are things that provide me peace. [01:08:15] Speaker C: I'll go there. What's the, what's the, what's the, what's the website? [01:08:17] Speaker D: It's Raquel Martin PhD.com and the thing that helps me is people ask me some. A lot of times people ask me similar questions and then I'll be like, I'm gonna create a worksheet so that you can have an answer because I can't help everyone. But you can download this joint for free. [01:08:33] Speaker C: Absolutely. [01:08:33] Speaker D: And then put it on your phone. And then, like, maybe it'll help you till you get to the person that you need. Because, yes, you may need therapy, but maybe this is just a bandit so you get to what you do need. Or maybe you just need that support system. Or maybe you just needed somebody to normalize the fact that what you're going through is isolating and difficult. And this provides that name to it. Right. Like, that's what helps me. Resourceless, building my own thing. If I get asked the same question too many times, I make it. I make be like, all right, well, I'm a design this. It may not be too pretty, but here are your prompts. Here are your discussion questions. Here's the name of it. Go forth. [01:09:04] Speaker C: And you. You have a podcast also, right? [01:09:06] Speaker D: I do. I have a podcast. It's called Mind your mental podcast. [01:09:10] Speaker C: Mind your mental. [01:09:12] Speaker D: Mind your mental. Ya. Your was. Your was cop was trademarked. [01:09:16] Speaker C: Got you. [01:09:17] Speaker D: I don't know if y'all looking at it on video, but I stared it. I felt very upset about that. I was like, no, listen, sometimes, you. [01:09:25] Speaker C: Know, when Tyler, listen. You know, the Internet's been around for a while, so if you weren't around in them early days, I know. [01:09:30] Speaker D: I was like, dang, we'll make it a year. That's more like me. [01:09:33] Speaker C: Mind your mental. I'll definitely be subscribing to that. [01:09:37] Speaker D: Yes. [01:09:37] Speaker C: I'll definitely be going to the website to get those resources. [01:09:41] Speaker D: Yes. [01:09:41] Speaker C: I'll definitely be continuing to follow you on all your social media handles and likewise. [01:09:47] Speaker D: I appreciate it. [01:09:48] Speaker C: Thank you so much. We'll put. We'll put all the links into the. Into to your bio. I would love to. I think this was a great conversation. We talked about a lot of different things. I. I think I need to have you on again in the future, so. [01:10:00] Speaker D: Don'T threaten me with a good time. [01:10:01] Speaker C: Listen, because. [01:10:02] Speaker D: Just. [01:10:02] Speaker C: Because. Just because, you know, as I. As I even go out into. Because what I'm. What I'm looking to do with this podcast is break down. It's called no opportunity wasted. Yes, it's contextualizing my Buddhist practice, but what I'm also trying to do is demystify my hero ness that people might, like, sort of get caught up in, you know, my invincibleness, which is not even a. It's not even a thing. I'm not invincible at all. But, you know, I do want. I. I am someone who is strong and courageous, and so I'm doing courageous things and going out there and doing that. But that doesn't come without its Side effects and it's, you know, different things. And so I want to be transparent about that. But I'm going to show people still what it looks like to still be strong and get up and go. And so, you know, I'd love to continue to have you on to talk about, especially collectively, how we move forward, forward through this as community, how we mind our mental in a way that frees us up of the sort of mental mind games and things that not only we play with ourselves, but we end up sort of projecting and inflicting on each other to, to create these sort of cycles. So I, I, I'm going to continue be watching you for my peripheral and be being on, but I would love to continue just to have you on from time to time and like, kind of tap into the collective mental, I love that, of where, of where we're at and sort of give us. Dr. Raquel, please give us some tools and some. [01:12:01] Speaker D: When it comes to tips, you know, when I was training, a lot of times people would be abstract and I'm like, that's what's up. Let me give you these five skills and you try one through five. And always remember, if y'all don't get anything else with all those skills, the goal of these skills is not to take you from like a 10 to a 1. The goal is to take you from a 10 to an 8 or a 9. Because even coming down one level is going to provide you greater clarity of thought and greater just visibility to see that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, right? Because if you already had a 10, that light at the end of the tunnel, it's going to feel like a train. Like I tell my mom all the time, she's like, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, mom, it's a train. Right now. I need a minute. You know, like, a lot of times people will try skills and they're like, oh, well, I don't feel 100 better. The goal is to provide you to get you down at least a couple of points so that you have greater clarity of thought and you can see past your nose when it comes to what you're going through. If you get to a 10, to a 8, then do another one, get to a 6, go to 4, you're already at a better place. So don't stop just because it's like, oh, it wasn't, it didn't take me automatically down. That's what people struggle with. Like, oh, it didn't work, did it? Not. Did you. Did you not. Did you not come down a little bit? Do something else? Have. [01:13:07] Speaker C: I'm going to. As. As I go ahead and as I launch my course, too. I'm just gonna put a link. I'm gonna put some re. Are you gonna be in my resource? You're gonna be on my resource list. [01:13:18] Speaker D: And then you got one less thing you got to deal with, because it's just like, oh, yeah, that seemed like. Huh. Here you go. [01:13:23] Speaker C: Yeah. Go to Dr. Raquel Martin. Yeah. [01:13:25] Speaker D: She got plenty of resources. Thank you. And then you take that off your mental Rolodex. Done. [01:13:30] Speaker C: Absolutely. Thank you so much, Dr. Raquel Martin, for being here with me today. Thank you for. I. I really do feel like I got a mini therapy session. So thank y'all for listening and going through my therapy session there. Dr. Martin is available. Give them your. Your website and your social media handles again. [01:13:49] Speaker D: Yeah. So my reps. My website is raquelmartinphd.com R A Q U, E L. Martin, PhD. That's why I found Raquel, because anytime I see a name twin, I'm like. And then I found out what she was doing. I said, oh, my God. Look at God. I love so that. And then my social media for everything from LinkedIn to TikTok to Instagram is Raquel Martin, PhD. And I share resources, and on my website, like, those things are free, y'all. Like, just. [01:14:15] Speaker C: That's amazing. [01:14:16] Speaker D: Download them. It's because the goal is, you know, this is genuinely what I'm supposed to do. But the same way you mentioned that fear, the more you learn, the. The more busy I get. The fear is like, how am I gonna help these people, y'all? I make a worksheet. It's for me as much as it is for y'all. Like, 10 people don't ask me this question. I need to give them something. It's free, y'all. [01:14:35] Speaker C: Go get them free resources and mind your mental. Okay. [01:14:39] Speaker D: What you did there. [01:14:41] Speaker C: Absolutely. Thank you so much, Raquel. [01:14:44] Speaker B: You have a great one. [01:14:45] Speaker D: You too. [01:14:46] Speaker C: We'll be right back, y'all. [01:14:47] Speaker B: Thank you again, Dr. Raquel Martin, for helping us all mind our mental health, especially now during so much turmoil and chaos that's happening around the world. So for our Buddhist breadcrumb this week, I want to discuss the age of soft power. This is a topic from this month's issue of Living Buddhism. Ikeda Sensei once spoke to students at Harvard University about the shift from hard power to. To soft power as the driving force for change. And talked about the importance of self motivation to create this change. In Bound to Lead, author Joseph Nye talks about soft power or the ability to affect others by attraction and persuasion rather than coercion and payment. He was basically talking about these being the determining factors on which nations would lead the 21st century. So Ikeda stressed five principles of peace of exerting this kind of soft power. 1. From coercion and authority to consensus and understanding 2. Finding meaning from within 3. Self motivation gives rise to self control. In the Living Buddhism, it says, quote, because they were motivated from within, they were able to attain a high degree of self control and self mastery. These qualities are amongst the best expressions of humanity insofar as they help to create smoother social relations and less anxiety in personal contacts without self motivation and that self control folks tend to, quote, swing widely between extremes of overconfidence and timidity. 4. To kill the Will to Kill for far too long, we were unable to acknowledge conflicts around the world and believing that opposing interests and hostility between places like Palestine and Israel were too complicated. Shakyamuna Buddha was once asked, we are told that life is precious and yet all people live by killing and eating other living beings. So which living beings may we kill and which living beings must we not kill? To this question, the Buddha's response was, it's enough to kill the will to kill. [01:17:19] Speaker C: 5. [01:17:20] Speaker B: An inner philosophy of Interrelatedness I know many of us, myself included, have been experiencing some tensions in our family relationships, our friendships with our co workers and our classmates. So when it comes to interrelatedness, this MA Living Buddhism points out that this is where greater self control and discipline can help us restore and rejuvenate endangered feelings, including friendship, trust and love. For without that, there can be no rewarding and meaningful bonds between people. So this week, let's put soft power into practice. Information is power. Share it. Love is power. Share it. Community care is power. This week let's take care of each other and let's take one of the many chances that will present itself to show up for each other, no opportunity wasted. [01:18:23] Speaker D: It.