Black Trans Media: Behind the Revolution with Sasha Alexander

[00:00:10] Speaker A: And again, welcome back to Now. No opportunity wasted. You know who it is. It's your girl, Angelica Ross. It's been a minute. Sorry. It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step two, at least, you know, so much going on in the world. And, you know, obviously I have decided to kind of take a step back a little bit. I've taken a step back a little bit. A lot has been going on in my life right now, and I've been moving and shaking a lot of things. A lot of things have changed in my life. A lot of good changes. A lot of very challenging changes as well, but nothing that I can't handle. So today is July 21, and, you know, like we always do before we really get into the thick of things, I want to go ahead and set the tone because it's a lot that's going on, y'. All. Malcolm Jamal Warner, is it? Malcolm Jamal Warner just passed away from the Cosby show, child. Yeah, I saw all of the news up there, and it's just really tragic. I. I know. It's just so sad because there's so much going on in the world. There's so much chaos. And, you know, I. I think he died, like, us through a swimming incident or what have you, like, an accident, you know, so, you know, life is just really, really short. And you really do not know the day, the hour. You know what I mean? So really, really have to enjoy what there is to enjoy. You know, as we say in Buddhism, enjoy what there is to enjoy, suffer what there is to suffer, but never stop chanting. I mean, that's what we do. You do what you do, you know, so, yeah, I. You know, I've been taking a little step back, and during this step back, I got to spend some time with some Buddhist friends. You know, some of you might have seen that while I was visiting one of my Buddhist friends, I got my passport in the mail. And it was not. It did not have the gender marker that I expected it to have. Oh, well, I'm still me at the end of the day, you know, any way you flip it, you know what I mean? This country is just hateful. And, you know, people just will give anything to be able to participate as the oppressor. They want to be in this game of life as the billionaires, as the oppressors. They don't want liberation and things like that. They just want to be the ones on top. You want to be on top, you know, so. But, you know, well, you know, we'll, we'll get into some of those things because there's, there's a few words I want to share with you today before I get into my interview. And then it's going to be, it's going to be a short one today. Did your last passport have female? Yes, my last passport did have female on my passport and I had that passport for 10 years. 10 years. So 2015 is when I got my new passport that had female on it. When I first did the gender marker change, they tried me and tried to give me like what they would call like a provisional passport, which basically meant it wasn't going to be like a full tenure, it was going to be like a five year passport or something. Ridiculous. And I was like, no, you are going to give me that full, that full 10 year passport. And they did give me my full tenure passport, which with my correct gender marker. So, you know, a girl's been traveling the world for 10 years, unspokable, you know, going through TSA Global Entry and we in Hong Kong. Yes, I'm there. I, I don't, I didn't say. No, no, no words. I do know Shinjo. Shinjuku. Wait, Ohio. Gozaimas. I know that. From when the time that I spent to Japan. You know what I mean? Like Costa Rica, London. You know, I've traveled the world. Thank you for my flowers. I've traveled the world and no problems, no issues with my passport. And now I have a passport with a big O M. On it for magnificent Maleficent. Huh? But you know what? If you care to find me, just look towards the western sky. Because no good deed goes unpunished. You know, it's just a situation where I am ready, I am beyond ready for this wicked sequel to come out. I have seen the Broadway musical. I have, I have read the book, the audiobook. And you know, screw all of you who think that audiobooks is not real reading because it is for, especially for folks like myself. You know, we need accessibility. Okay. But great story. I love the story. You know, listen, I am, I gotta say I am, I have to say this. And I know, you know, not everybody's going to sort of agree with me on this, but I am a really big fan of Cynthia Aro's talent. You know, I think, I think Cynthia Aro is just one of the most talented beings. I think she is so talented. Like, her voice is incredible. There's just so many things. But, you know, I, you know, as a black woman in America, you know, I Understand, there are a lot of black women who do not see it for Cynthia Revo, like, at all. And that is because some of the remarks that she's had to say about African Americans, you know, because a lot of times the Brits and things over there, they have some things to say about us African Americans. You know, I don't know what. What accent that was, but I gave it a shot. But, you know, they got a lot to say about us. And, you know, all I know is I. I do understand that there is some grace and some compassion that needs to be had for black Americans for all that we have endured in this country and all that has been built on our backs, and we still can't get reparations. Everybody else gets acknowledgment of the horrific crimes happened against their communities from the Japanese in the. I forget which. I think that was the bombing of Hiroshima when the US Dropped a nuclear bomb on Japan. I listen and I'll be saying stuff. Let me tell you something. I'll be saying stuff. Check me. Fact check me. Because I didn't ever think I was gonna be up here talking about none of this. I would no if this was not on my bingo card. Not in high school, not in college, none of that. Like, I no girl. And so now I. My geopolitical education, my educational world affairs of the map of geography and history, child, I didn't learn all kind of things I didn't really want to learn, but here I am. Here we is. We gonna learn, but we learning today. Who said I first was introduced to her in the Color Purple? Yes. Oh, my God. I saw her in the Color Purple. I also. I saw. I think I saw her because I saw it twice. I saw her and I saw Fantasia. Fantasia was incredible. Hey, Rolando, what's going on? Welcome back to the live stream, baby. Yes. We love it. We love it. When y' all come back, someone says, I know a lot of black women that are still upset about her playing Harriet Tubman. Let me tell you. Ciao. Let me tell you something. It. Listen, I don't know. It's. Maybe it's a good movie. I ain't seen it. And I'm gonna tell you why I didn't see it. Eyes press play. I press play on the movie. I did. And when I pressed play on the movie and Harriet Tubman started singing like that white lady in. What's that movie? When she going over the hills of the field, the Sound of Music. She started singing like it was the Sound of Music. And I Just didn't think I could. I would. I couldn't do it. I. The re. I couldn't do it. And the reason why I could not do it. This is me speaking. I don't know about y', all, but this is me speaking. Ah, slavery, the musical. No, no, no. And the reason why I know is because I just knew that this was going to be something for white people. And when I tell you that I was living in Beverly Hills at the time, renting my house, apartment, whatever, from this white, old white woman, when I tell you she came to collect that rent check one day and she said, you know, I just saw the most amazing movie. And I said, what? What movie you see? She said, harriet, I said, okay, you have a nice day. Listen, let's be clear on something. If an 80 year old white woman telling you, listen, I. It ain't a hard and fast rule, but what I do know is when she said that that was a good movie, I knew, nah, no, I'm not never gonna watch that. And I, you know, I be. I'm a supporter. I'm the girl to be supporting a lot of people through a lot of stuff, even though they do me wrong. It's okay. I'm learning my lesson now. It's okay. I'm taking the hints. It's good. But what? But you know, I'm a supporter. And so, you know what I'm saying, I try to support all the things, but that's why I'm in Wicked. Like, look, I. Look, I noticed she said some stuff about black Americans. Y' all still supporting. Who y' all supporting. I'm not gonna name no names because it's just a list of people that y' all still support, that still got jobs, that still got work. They still collect a bag that is not canceled. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, y' all pick and choose. All I know is I will not be watching Harriet. I will not be watching that. What I have been watching, though, and now that I am totally pissed off about with the rest of the fans, is the Wheel of Time, Amazon Prime. Girl, we need to have a conversation. Honey, why did you up and cancel the Wheel of Time when it's based on a bunch of books? So it's a bunch more books. We got a lot more story to tell, girls. So why did you end the story prematurely? And not to mention, why ain't I in it? Why has Angelica Ross not been cast in the Wheel of Time? That was the. Another mistake. I, you, me and Maureen Moraine would have been up there, you know what I'm saying, doing all this. Could you. I know you can see me wielding the power in the wheel, the time with my blonde afro or maybe make it white, you know what I'm saying? I would have slayed in the wheel of time. Oh, they should have had me in there. So there's a reason why I have. I have kind of stepped back from the mic a little bit. You know, my mic got a little hot for a little bit, and so foreign. I'm trying to. I'm trying to lay low for a second, you know what I'm saying? I'm trying to lay low for a second, so. Because people seem to be catching up, you know, they seem to be looking through Apoc Shakur and all of their shenanigans. The Democrats, ready. Nancy Pelosi want to die in office, you know, so they probably gonna let her, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's just a lot going on. And so, you know, I' ma let y'. All. Because the thing is, is that it's funny to watch a lot of people say a lot of stuff that you've been saying for a long time, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's funny. Funny. So I'm sit down and I'm eat my food for a little bit, and I'm gonna just. I'm gonna take care of myself for a little bit. We're gonna continue pride and celebrate all of these interviews that I've got in here. And I'm gonna mind my black Buddhist business. Yum Yoho ring and go. You know what I'm saying? I'm a mama black, a Buddhist business, and I'm. Your whole range. Sure is. So I said I was going to get to the Buddha's word today. I. Sure, liam. So for July 21, Buddhism Day by day says, quote, we can lose ourselves in romantic attachment. But the truth is, the euphoria is unlikely to last for long. Indeed, the likelihood of undergoing suffering and sadness only grows over time. But as long as we remain unable to redress our own weaknesses, we will be miserable. No matter where or whom we may take flight. We can never become truly happy unless we ourselves undergo a personal transformation. Yes. So now we're gonna. I got. I got, like, two different ones that I'd be sitting on my altar when I be getting my inspiration. So another one for July 21st. What can we say then of persons who are devoting themselves to Buddhism? Surely they should not forget the debts of Gratitude they owe to their parents, their teachers in their country. But if one intends to pay to repay these great debts of gratitude, one can hope to do so only if one learns and masters Buddhism. Becoming a person of wisdom. I' ma break that down a little bit for, I'll break that down a quick little second, but basically just a little quick breakdown on that. You know, I know a lot of people out there struggle and this is always going to be a very struggling conversation with people out there who have gone no contact with their family, with their parents, who have cut their family completely off, you know, but, you know, we talk about paying a debt of gratitude to our parents and all that means is, and I'll explain it this way, is that my mother grew up in an evangelical home with a mother who was an evangelical pastor, right? And, you know, was kicked out of the house, you know, made it from West Virginia to Wisconsin. To have me, you know, was not ready, I don't think, to have me. My father was not trying to stick around in the picture. You know, there was a lot of, I'm sure things and you know, I, you know, my, is my mother. It would been understandable had she chosen, you know, not to keep me because, you know, you know, I, I, she, I don't know, you know, if she was prepared, you know, and who is prepared for a child, right? You know, and, you know, growing up with her, I, I definitely dealt with some of that unpreparedness, especially obviously with me being a queer and trans kid. But regardless of how she's treated me, the things she said in the past, blah, blah, like I love my mother down there is not a thing that my mother could ever do or say to make me not love her unconditionally. And I told her that while also giving some sharp words to her one day because I was really upset with something that she said to me. But I still made it very clear that there was nothing that she could say to me to ever make me not love her unconditionally. It may, I may need some distance, I may need some time, I may need, you know, whatever. But I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to live this life as Angelica Ross as exactly who I am. And that is because of her. That is because she made it through all the challenges that she was facing to make it across the finish line with me, to just get me across the finish line of alive. The rest is up to me. You know what I'm saying? So, so for that alone, I am immensely grateful. Everything that I do from this point on is to show gratitude for the life that I have been given. Okay, so. So before I get into this amazing, amazing interview with Sasha Alexander, there is one other thing that I do want to kind of COVID here. So I was with my. I was with some Buddhist friends and this, my friend Woola, her mother, like, just is so amazing. Oh my goodness. She's so amazing. She's so beautiful. Like this dark skin. She has like white hair, short white hair. Like, it's just. I just when I look at her, I kind of feel like I'm looking in a mirror. It's just like kind of so amazing. And so she and my friend Woola is what we call a fortune baby because she was born, born into the practice because her mother, you know, practice the Buddhist Buddhism, Nietzsche Buddhism, and you know, passed it down to her as well. And so I was hanging out with them the other day and her mother asked me, she was like, so is there a ghost show? And the ghost shows are. We have like two volumes. This is just volume one. But we have two volumes of letters that were written by this 12th century priest named Nature and Daishonin, who was exiled for his beliefs and for him speaking up against the government and their tendency for war. Sound familiar? Sound familiar? No. So that is why, you know, so. So she asked me, she goes, you know, is there a ghost show that. That you have picked out that kind of speaks to you? And I was like, yeah, actually there is one. But I hadn't read it, you know, in a minute. And so I. I broke out the book and I read it and it just blessed me again. And I'm not going to read the whole thing to you, you know, because it's a thing. But you can go to n library, that's n I c h I r e n library.org and basically the writings of N Daishonin, the Lotus Sutra, all of those texts are available for free to read online and you can search the text for free. All of that. It's quite amazing, actually. There is, you know, a passage in here that really speaks to me so much and I really do want to read this. And it's from a passage that's called Reply to Yasa Burrow. And I'm going to just fast forward in a couple paragraphs where he says, he says, the priests of Japan today are all men of great evil, surpassing even Devadatta or the venerable Cocolica. And because lay people revere them and make them offerings, this country is being transformed before our very eyes into the Hell of incessant suffering, where countless people in their present existence, in addition to undergoing starvation, pestilence, and horrible agonies unknown in previous ages, will be attacked by a foreign power. This is due solely to the workings of deities like Brahma Chakra and the gods of the sun and the moon in all of Japan. I alone understand why such things are happening. At first, I pondered whether or not I should speak out. Yet what was I to do? Could I turn my back on the teachings of the Buddha, who is father and mother to all living beings, resolving to bear whatever befalls me? I began to speak out. And in these more than 20 years, I have been driven from my dwelling. My disciples have been killed, and I have been wounded, exiled twice, and finally was nearly beheaded. I spoke out solely because I had long known that the people of Japan would meet with great, great suffering, and I felt pity for them. Thoughtful persons should therefore realize that I have met these trials for their sake. If they were people who understood their obligations or were capable of reason, then out of two blows that fall on me, they would receive one in my steed. But far from it. Rather, they arouse hatred toward me, which is something I cannot understand. And lay people, not having heard the truth, either drive me from my dwelling pace or hate my disciples. It's beyond comprehension. It goes on and on and on. But this really, really spoke to me, as you can see, as I got kind of excited reading it. But there's just so much. Yeah, this is why I read this stuff is because, you know, I'm being called radical and whatever for speaking up for human rights and lives and all against all the things or what have you. But, yes, so the, the. This is what helps keep me centered in the fact that I know that I'm standing on the right side of history. I know that, you know, being canceled over, you know, standing up for human rights is something, I guess, you know, cancel. Culture is not real, I guess, unless you're trying to, you know, cancel good people doing and saying things and, you know, whatnot. But. All right, so I just wanted to share that with you as well before I got into this interview. Now, my interview with Sasha Alexander was incredible. Sasha Alexander is a black trans man who is the founder of black trans media and someone who, you know, really centers black trans representation and does not center the white gaze and does not center the CIS gays. We had such a very powerful and profound conversation because we don't often get to hear from trans men, you know, especially there's just so much hysteria around Bathrooms and all these different things. And, you know, our country moves so fast to create these bills. And because they didn't realize that trans men exist, you know, or just creating these situations where these men, like Sasha Alexander, they, you know, with these full beards and everything, you know, they want them to have to use the women's bathroom, which is obviously absolutely ridiculous. So check out my conversation, which is really incredible, with Sasha Alexander. Let's see. Happy pride, everyone. We are continuing to celebrate those in our community who have been using whatever they have to amplify, to push and to uplift our community. And right now, today, I have with me a fabulous, talented, powerful black trans man. Welcome to now Sasha Alexander. [00:26:47] Speaker B: Oh, thank you, my love. [00:26:48] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:26:48] Speaker B: It's happy to be here. [00:26:49] Speaker A: It's so good to see you again. You know, it seems like we like ships that pass in the night that just get to see each other every once in a while when we come together for these things. But I am just so proud of you. [00:27:00] Speaker B: Thank you, my love. I mean, I'm proud of you. You're out here, you know, doing things. [00:27:04] Speaker A: Thank you so much. You know, and I. I know, you know, how important it is for us to create our own spaces. I mean, first of all, we're sitting in this beautiful space provided by a black trans organization. And I know that, you know, as a founder in black trans media, like, how do you see storytelling starting to shape the future of trans visibility and representation? [00:27:33] Speaker B: Oh, okay. Might have to make you go back to that question, because it was such a good question. [00:27:37] Speaker A: Yes, yes. [00:27:38] Speaker B: Start off by thanking you for having me here and for everything you do, because the landscape looks very different than it did over a decade ago when I started black trans media. And it's because of people like you who have been out there and never stopped telling stories and pushing people around the stories, and both as trans people and as black people. And that's really at the root of, like, the work that I do, because a lot of people think that it's about trans representation, which it is. But as black trans people, it's also about racial justice. [00:28:05] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:28:06] Speaker B: It's about racism. And it's really easy for people to feel like this is about transphobia, but if it's about transphobia, it's also about white supremacy. [00:28:12] Speaker A: Ooh. [00:28:13] Speaker B: So. [00:28:13] Speaker A: Oh, I. Okay, y', all, I just need y' all to prepare the people who are watching and listening. You about to learn today. We gonna learn a few things today, baby. You are breaking it down. And you're right. So, like, thank you so much, first of all, for just acknowledging, you know, the work that we do. I think that, you know, in our community, we have to do a better job at acknowledging each other, at uplifting each other, you know, so thank you so much for that. Absolutely. But again, like, as I was saying, like, you know, finally, we are getting the means. [00:28:45] Speaker B: Sure. [00:28:46] Speaker A: Or making the means. [00:28:48] Speaker B: Yes. [00:28:48] Speaker A: To create our own platforms and to tell our own stories. So how do you see that, us being in control of that, starting to shape the future of trans representation and visibility? [00:28:59] Speaker B: Absolutely, because we're not being given it or getting it. Like, we're reclaiming it and we're taking it and we're making it and we're creating it and we're building it. I was just saying to Jordan, because we're in this beautiful space, you know, like, it was years and years ago that we were at Black Transmedia's opening of our space in Bed Stuy when we opened up a space for black trans people. And she was there. And then I said, now we're here. And your space has been here over five years. I mean, like, it's incredible that spaces led by and for black trans people, like, these are some of the only spaces in the world. Like, I don't think people understand that. Like, spaces that black trans people autonomously created for themselves. Not somebody over us doing it. That's not something that existed A decade ago. There were not spaces like this, maybe in our homes, if we had them, you know, or in spaces, other nonprofits that we worked at, where we tried to squeeze in little bits of our identities, but we were not kind of given permission to. We were not kind of fully taking up the space we deserve to as black trans people because of that anti blackness, because of that transphobia, you know. And so I think it's a really unique time to be at now where there's like these waves of kind of like Black trans renaissance that have happened for artists, for cultural workers, for organizers, for healers. And even though it's a very repressive time. [00:30:13] Speaker A: Sure, sure. [00:30:13] Speaker B: You know, that's also when we turn the dial up too, you know, in the work that we're doing. And so I think it's just like. Like an incredible time. I was just last month at the Black Trans Short Film Festival in Durham, North Carolina, that Comfrey Films does. [00:30:27] Speaker A: Wow. [00:30:28] Speaker B: They're a black trans production house in the South. Incredible. I saw your film with Brian Michael Smith. [00:30:33] Speaker A: It's funny because I ain't seen it yet. I'm gonna reach out to somebody. I ain't seen it yet, but. So how was it? [00:30:40] Speaker B: Oh, that film was fire. [00:30:41] Speaker A: It was fire. Right. [00:30:42] Speaker B: Beautiful film. [00:30:43] Speaker A: It was such a fun film to work on. [00:30:45] Speaker B: It's so nuanced to see. So like 10 years ago and leading. [00:30:48] Speaker A: With a black trans man. [00:30:50] Speaker B: Well, leading the black trans man. The story is really unique. I mean, both of you, us leads together is nuts. [00:30:56] Speaker A: We need more of that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:30:58] Speaker B: It's really, really good. But it's not the kind of story. Ten years ago, we were just getting these stories about violence. They were told about us. You know, they were told through a framework. Like there was no understanding of anti blackness and how the stories about black trans people, particularly black trans women. Right. Were so nuanced. But like, it was just this sensation on the violence and the harm and no material support, you know, or support for us to tell our own stor. And so I feel like it's such a different time where we are telling our own stories. We have created our own platforms. [00:31:28] Speaker A: Yes, we have. [00:31:29] Speaker B: And. And they're working. [00:31:30] Speaker A: Yes, they are. [00:31:31] Speaker B: We built things to weather through a storm, and when we're in the storm, we can't forget these things are here for us. [00:31:36] Speaker A: Well, talk about that storm just a little bit. Just a little bit in the sense of. Because I know that. I know firsthand. But I. I want to know more about your experience in creating something that wasn't there. [00:31:46] Speaker B: Sure. [00:31:46] Speaker A: And not always having the support, you know, to do this work. How, How? Talk to me about the challenge, because here's the situation. No opportunity wasted. Sure. Is all about how people find the opportunity, not waste the opportunity and find the challenges that happen. Because these challenges on the other side of challenge is knowledge, experience, strength, and all these things. But the process builds that up for you. So tell me a little bit about the process of building your black transmedia landscape. [00:32:20] Speaker B: Yeah, no, we call it a galaxy, then building a black trans world. And. Well, so this was over a decade ago, in 2013. I had been teaching film making to youth, LGBT youth in like, organizing spaces, direct service, nonprofit spaces, but never a space just for black trans people, you know, and often that's because, like, the programs weren't specific to black youth or black trans youth. There was no need, maybe people saw for that. And it was hard, as somebody working in non profits, to like, say there was a need for that. And I realized at some point nobody was going to give me permission to do what I just needed to do. I needed to give myself permission. And if I saw There was something missing. I think it's Maya Angelou or Toni Morrison who's like, you have to write the story that you want to read. Right. I'm like, where is this story? It's not out there. And I want this story. And it's like, well, I have to go and I have to do that. And in some ways I didn't want that on me. I mean, but we don't kind of choose our instructions. [00:33:14] Speaker A: As I said, you just are obedient. [00:33:17] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, just I'm in service to myself and my vision and the people and. And it made sense after organizing for so long. I come from like a youth organizing background, from like making media and arts, like not formal background, but like picking up a camera, making music, telling stories. [00:33:33] Speaker A: That's how some of the most greatest storytellers directors have started. Not through class or, you know, having access to that, but by picking up a camera. [00:33:42] Speaker B: Yeah. But realized what would it be like to, to take the same things I get to do for other people in these programs and do it just for black trans people, you know, And I was like, and why is it that nobody else sees any value in this except as we started to hold space, like people were like, this is incredible. Black trans people who had been holding space at other nonprofits for years or decades, but couldn't hold space as black trans people, I think felt more and more permission to just be like, we have every right to center ourselves and her identity. And I would be remiss to not name Isla Nettles, who was like, for me, in the moment when this happened, the catalyst of why I started Black Trans Media in the moment, and this is now going on almost 12 years ago. She was a young black trans woman in Harlem. And I was working at the Maisel's Documentary center, which is also in Harlem and only blocks away from the police precinct that she was like, across from when she was, you know, beaten to death and killed essentially. And you know, she was a young black trans woman and the, the media like really sensationalized the story about what happened to her. And, and then quickly, like you heard from everybody who wasn't a black trans person about it and you know, all these people were rallying and you kind of felt like we didn't have like any like political like base as black trans people. We had all these non profits that existed and things, but because of the anti blackness and the racism, there were very few black people who actually had any like power that they could do something. And they were an outreach. [00:35:10] Speaker A: They weren't in the management director level position. [00:35:12] Speaker B: And if they did, they got there because they didn't do stuff specifically for black trans people. Right. You know, and so it just felt like a moment that it was really important that we, like, stop just being the subject of some story and, like, they were the author of the story. [00:35:26] Speaker A: So, so saying that to follow up on that, then what is the role that then as you've created this platform and, you know, really the space for black trans media, where do you see the role of media. Excuse me? Where do you see the role of media playing in sort of combating these harmful stereotypes and misinformation? [00:35:54] Speaker B: Oh, absolutely. Media has always been like an organizing tool to me. So obviously media, like, for personal empowerment, to, like, for ourselves when we're dealing with that stigma. Like, I was just talking to somebody about suicidality, you know, and that's always been something that our communities have been plagued by. Not just LGBT people are transferable, but black people, communities of color. [00:36:12] Speaker A: Right. [00:36:12] Speaker B: And that there's a lot of stigma. So, yeah. So I see media as an empowerment tool. I see media as an organizing tool. I see media as a way for us to educate people in our communities. And I see media as a way for us to have a legacy because we're also not going to be here forever to do this work, and we shouldn't just have to be here forever doing this work. So I see it as a strategy, you know, for us to be able to both express ourselves and create and tell the kind of stories that we need to, but also a way to, like, take care of ourselves and heal ourselves and find our way. [00:36:47] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:36:48] Speaker B: And, you know, in documentary filmmaking, where I taught for a long time, they always say when you have a question to something, your film is the answer to it. You know, you use your film to answer it. And I feel that same way about media. You know, like, I created black trans media because there weren't enough black trans people being represented in the media in a way that felt like was authentically ours. And that was more than a decade ago. And I really, actually, even though racism and transphobia are ancient issues, I feel. [00:37:14] Speaker A: Like, I don't know if you feel the same way, but I feel like media has made conversations more accessible, you know, because, you know, I feel like there's a little elitism when it comes to people saying, you're not really reading books if you're doing audiobooks. And, you know, and I'm like, well, girls, I'm a smart girl and I have read a Lot of audiobooks. I have a huge audiobook library. But also, even when we talk about, like with trans tech, we have brought video tutorial trainings to folks. Because sometimes being able to sit with media. [00:37:49] Speaker B: Sure. [00:37:49] Speaker A: Play it at your own speed. [00:37:51] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:37:51] Speaker A: Go back, you know, so how have you seen your media become and black trans media become more accessible both to black trans people, but to those who call themselves our allies and family? [00:38:09] Speaker B: Well, in some ways, I would say, at least in terms of black trans media, we don't really seek to make it accessible to those people. We really just seek to make it accessible for black trans people. [00:38:17] Speaker A: Amen. [00:38:17] Speaker B: And that is at the center of what we care to do. We do understand that we're situated in a world where all those other people do have a big impact on how we live our lives. So we don't not want a strategy where we're thinking about how to bring them in. But I think I found in the last decade that by centering on the communities that I most want to make an impact and not always trying to outsource things to these other communities that really we can build a lot of power. Like there already is a lot of power. And in some way we kind of have everything we need. It's just, I believe, strategic about how to do that. [00:38:52] Speaker A: I believe that. So okay with being strategic and figuring out how to do that, you know, with technology, you know, and people have phones in their hands with 4K cameras. [00:39:05] Speaker B: Sure. [00:39:05] Speaker A: You know, what advice would you give to other black trans people who want to create their platforms and tell their stories? Wow. [00:39:13] Speaker B: I mean, I would tell them to do it and not to overthink it and not to think that there isn't value and worth to make it and to collaborate also as a way to hold yourself accountable and not do it on your own. But I would say to make it, to tell it, to do it, whatever it is. Any art that you love, that any of us grew up listening to something, somebody had to believe in themselves enough to make that song that you love to listen to, or it wouldn't exist. The world just wouldn't be the world without art, you know, and culture. So I feel like, absolutely. Make what you're feeling called to make. It's like it was given to you for a reason. And you're like, you're designed and supposed to make it. [00:39:49] Speaker A: So, Sasha, you know, there is a lot of misinformation like we talked about before, but not just misinformation, Confusion. [00:39:57] Speaker B: Sure. [00:39:57] Speaker A: And, you know, I'm really starting to recognize that it's not just people outside of our community, but it's actually people within our community too. And I understand with patriarchy and all those other things, why there's been such a hyper focus on trans femme and trans femme bodies. But how do we restore balance so that both, you know, CIS he folks like Jess. Hilarious. Who are embarrassing themselves by saying only women can have babies and. But then you got people from our own communities joining in on the conversation who are just as lost because. So how do we balance having people understand that trans men exist? [00:40:44] Speaker B: Well, I'm here, and we definitely exist. There's a lot of us. I mean, I think this gets back to what you talked about with stigma and the media. And I think when you look at the history of media and the way specifically, particularly the trans people are talked about, there's like, been a hyper focus on trans women and trans women's narratives. And that's not been a positive, necessary thing for trans women at all. Right. Except that people are aware that trans women exist, even if it's not a good thing that they think about trans. They just still have an understanding that there's a reality of trans women. Whereas I do feel with trans men or trans masculine people, there's less of an understanding that we exist. And we're. [00:41:24] Speaker A: Especially since once they were doing this whole bathroom thing, once they started realizing that they wanted you. Well, to go into a women's bathroom. [00:41:33] Speaker B: Sure, yeah. And which a lot of trans masculine people and trans men were like, if we started to do that, which some of us could for whatever reason, like, that would make other people feel uncomfortable. I would feel uncomfortable, but I would make other make women feel uncomfortable. And I think there's a lot of nuances. [00:41:50] Speaker A: But isn't that who we're supposed to be protecting? [00:41:53] Speaker B: Well, exactly. And the reality is, if you have gendered bathrooms, Right. If I want to go attack women, all I know is there's a bunch of women in the one that's designated women. So if I really want to harm women, there's nothing stopping me from going into a space designated for women to go harm them. You know what I mean? Like, and another thing I say about bathrooms is, like, in everybody's home or place that they grew up, you have a bathroom, and people of all genders usually use that bathroom in your home bathroom. It's not like designated male or female or anything like that. So the fact that people don't have any kind of nuanced understanding about a bathroom is kind of bonkers. Except we live in the US where we had black and white bathrooms. So I know people sometimes are like, well, these are very different issues. But as a black trans person, I'm like, actually, it's not that different of an issue when you feel like based on part of your identity, people would want you to use a whole other. Create a whole other place for you to be because you're not supposed to be there. [00:42:45] Speaker A: So, you know, we're talking about things that are real life experiences that have turned into politics. And so how do you balance, like, the challenge of media production and the responsibility of advocating for marginalized communities? Because sometimes, you know, people know there seems to, like, have a cost or pushback or something when you speak up with these things and you're also trying to run a media production. [00:43:12] Speaker B: Well, sure. Well, everything is political to me. Right. And when people are like, well, I'm not doing this thing politically, I'm like, well, that's a choice. You're actually making a choice. You're saying it's not political, which is a political choice to try to declare it not that. And then you got to actually look at, like, what are the values and the frameworks that are actually informing that thing that you're creating. Is it actually being upheld by white supremacy or is it actually accessible to people? Right. Like, there are all sorts of, I think, ways that we're challenging a lot of that in the media that we're making, but we're also seeing pushback against all of the progress. And I think it's important people understand historically that's not new in this country or anywhere, that when people make change and make societal change, that there is a repressive backlash to that. After slavery, like post slavery, there was a repressive backlash to freedom. Right. And I mean, after the civil rights movement, we got prison industrial complex. We got all sorts of things. Right. So I just feel like likewise, trans people making all the progress we. We were making and have been making, we weren't not going to see things like this. [00:44:11] Speaker A: Right. [00:44:11] Speaker B: You know, happen. [00:44:12] Speaker A: And I feel like, thank you for that reminder. Yeah, yeah. [00:44:14] Speaker B: And I feel like it's my job as a trans person, as a transmasculine person. Right. To be visible about those things that are happening and to talk about that change in a way that isn't. Act like it's not something new, you know, that we need this or that people are going through these oppressive, you know, systems and experiences, you know. [00:44:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Speaking of not being new, pride has been around for a long time. And, you know, it Started out as a riot, started there, but it has become this corporate situation. But, oh, they didn't goop the girls because they didn't start to pull the corporate sponsorships back. As a black trans man, I know as a black trans woman, I haven't necessarily felt like, pride is that corporate pride. Anyway, that. That's my event. I have to find and carve my own spaces with community. You know, we've had some progress where some people are learning, but now we still have people who are trying to separate the T from lgbtq. Plus I ate all I see. I almost forgot a couple. So how do you see the trajectory of pride in including trans people? And are there still these gaps? And how do we fill those gaps into making sure that pride is something for all of us? [00:45:28] Speaker B: Oh, that's such a good question. And, I mean, we're here in New York City where it's like, you know, historically, people act like pride started, but obviously there were Compton cafeteria riots, you know, happened three years before Stonewall. Dewey's Lunch counters Sit in. In Philadelphia. Happened 10 years before that in Philadelphia and the civil rights movement, like, there have been actions, and a lot of those did involve police violence. So, like, I think it's also important people don't forget that history that, like, Stonewall was a three day, like, riot, rebellion, whatever you want to call it, that was initiated by laws that were, like, designating how trans people were supposed to dress. You had to legally have, like, three articles of clothing that were, like, male or female. I would be arrested right now for what I'm wearing. Right. If a law like that existed, I. [00:46:11] Speaker A: Would just be arrested for looking too hot. Well, yes, I'm sorry. [00:46:14] Speaker B: Well, Bones. [00:46:15] Speaker A: Sorry, officer. [00:46:15] Speaker B: Yes. But I think people. I feel like there's this narrative where people have been able to be like, trans women of color. Started the revolution, the riots, Stonewall, which is important because Marsha was there, Sylvia was there. There are other women that were there that are. [00:46:30] Speaker A: Yes. [00:46:30] Speaker B: Known. But there were also trans, masculine, Stormy. Stormy was there. And there are other people, I feel like, in the movement who have held it down for decades. And I feel like the narrative, it's just like what happens with narratives. [00:46:43] Speaker A: Did you see that the Stonewall and posted, like, an AI video of what it would look like if we have phones. Back when the Stonewall riots happened, the worst use of AI and why we're. [00:46:58] Speaker B: Using AI to see what, like, a cat looks like making fries at McDonald's. So, I mean, and that takes, like, 10 bottles of water just to do that. So, like, I'm not really sure what we're doing anything productive with that technology, you know, especially as queer and trans people, the kind of things that you could be doing with that technology or any technology, absolutely kind of boggling. But I feel like that history gets lost here in this city. Heritage of Pride, which organizes the big. We still call it Gay Pride, which is so offensive to all the trans people. I can't stand when people are like, how's your gay pride? And I'm like, I don't know what you've been talking about, but Heritage of Pride, for a long time was a target of fierce, which was an LGBTQ youth organization that was, like, fighting to make sure that when we were down on the piers or anywhere as LGBTQ youth or people that, like, police violence, gentrification, all these issues, organizations like that are not even out here the same way doing what they're doing, because the mainstream narrative, like, we've been accepted, and people feel like, well, we don't need to, like, have this radical stance about these things. But black transmedia and my work, we've been working with reclaimed pride for years to have a counter protest, counter march to Pride. And other cities all over the world also do that, because they recognize no cops, no corporations. Like, we don't want to be part of that. And the first Pride was in 1971 here in New York City. They marched to, like, the women's jail that was here in the city. And it was. It's very political, right? [00:48:16] Speaker A: There was, like, an action at the end of the march. [00:48:18] Speaker B: Yes, yes. And it's like, now those things are lost, so that there's, like, a Goya float with a rainbow on it, like, which is important, I guess, culturally, in some ways that we're like, yo, that's a big deal in some ways for our cultures to, like, see these things, but tangibly, not if, like, the shelter system's filled with, you know, black and brown trans people who are being mistreated. And, you know, in a city when all this money comes in, none of that's going there. None of that's going to the food insecurity that people have. None of that's going to the economic relief anybody needs, you know? So, like, pride, like, what is there. [00:48:49] Speaker A: To be proud of? [00:48:50] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's not to be proud of. [00:48:52] Speaker A: I mean, and I listen because I always say this, like, sure, there's pride in our identity. [00:48:57] Speaker B: Sure. [00:48:57] Speaker A: But can we really take pride in how we stand up for each other and treat each other when marriage Equality passed, and so many things went silent. Yeah. [00:49:05] Speaker B: And can we be proud of a history of resistance that we have, that if we're going to get out there, which it. Look, it is a big deal just to leave your neighborhood and go somewhere as you are every day? Like, people get harassed every day. Even in New York City, that's supposed to be such a friendly city. Queer and trans people, like, are not safe here either. [00:49:21] Speaker A: True. [00:49:22] Speaker B: So just going somewhere and celebrating is a big deal. Not that it's not, you know, but it's like, at this point, in a city that's, like, historically part of, like, the movement and the history of LGBTQ people, it's just a fail, which, obviously, we got a mayor that's not gonna help us get there or a lot of other people in power who aren't. But there's a history of resistance in this city. Culturally, in the city. Like, it's incredible. [00:49:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:44] Speaker B: You know, and a lot of that gets lost to this, like, corporate idea of Pride, you know, but in your neighborhood, like, where trans people live every day in prisons and jails and shelters, like, queer and trans people are surviving. That's what we should, like, be pouring money into and have surviving even, you know, with everything that we're up against, you know? [00:50:03] Speaker A: Absolutely. Yeah. [00:50:04] Speaker B: So those are the stories that, like, I feel committed to telling the communities, you know, that I come from and our work. And I feel really, I'm happy that we can be here talking about that, because Pride also feels. It feels hard when this month comes because everybody's going to overwork and be underpaid. [00:50:18] Speaker A: Brother, you have dropped some gems, some knowledge, some love in this podcast. And I just want to thank you for not only what you brought here now into this opportunity, but how you've taken advantage of every single opportunity. Because I know it's not easy. It's not always easy to see the opportunity, let alone to be able to harness that opportunity and make something out of it for yourself and for your community. So many people right now are having an individualized experience, and owner and I. I get it. You know, everybody's on their own thing at their own time. But thank you for not just focusing on, you know, a pathway for yourself, but creating a pathway for our community to also, you know, access this media space. [00:51:10] Speaker B: Well, Ashe, I would say thank you, but I'm a reflection of you as well, my sister, because you have absolutely done that for our community. So I am thrilled to be part of a community where we get to do that for our people. [00:51:20] Speaker A: Well, thank you well, happy pride. [00:51:22] Speaker B: Happy pride to you. And I'll say black trans love all days always. [00:51:25] Speaker A: All days, always. I love that. We will be right back. Tonight we had some technical snap bos, but it was just a great conversation with Sasha Alexander. Thank you so much for bringing your brilliance to the podcast. I love it when folks can hit the conversation from different angles. You know, just said all the things and connected all the dots. You're just so brilliant. Um, so thank you for that. Rest in peace, Malcolm Jamal Warner, Theo from the Cosby Show. I've just been seeing so much love and outpouring all love, you know, and it's, it's, it's so great when people aren't like dancing on your grave and waiting for you to die, you know, like, what's that? Kevin Samuels. You remember when Kevin Samuels passed away and, and people were saying you shouldn't speak ill of the dead and you could not stop girls and people, women from. I mean, the girls were carrying, you know, but yeah, I, I think, I think that's it. But you know, I think that is going to be it for me this evening. What I was saying before though is that I have been very busy is what I'll say. I have stepped away from being on threads so I deactivated my personal threads account Meta. You know, you all really ain't seen it for me, so it's fine. It's cool. Yeah. Anybody have any questions before we get out of here? Any life burning life questions coming from YouTube land? You know, how's your. Oh, Jerome, you trying to ask me real questions on here? Okay, here we go. How's your mental health? How's your spirit? Waking up every day is a protest. Just checking in. Yes, thank you for the real check in question. My mental health is great, actually. Thank goodness for her. Like I said, my Buddhist community, you know, I just went to a meeting was today. I went to a meeting on Sunday, yesterday. And you know, it's just so amazing. Do I care about politics? Somebody asked me, do I care about politics? No, me, I don't care about politics. I don't do politics, you know? No, people who know me know that that's an absolute lie. But I will say this. I'm very grateful to hear people saying the things. Now finally a lot of people are saying different things. All kind of people are speaking up, you know what I'm saying? You know, Ms. Rachel keeping a foot on everybody neck. She said, hey kids, guess M. Guess what M is for motas. Yay. And she had the. The Palestinian press thing. I said, ma', am. Ma'. Am. Ms. Rachel, you better. You better keep your foot on their neck. Ms. Rachel, keep your foot on their neck. That was sickening. It was so sickening. It was so sickening and white and sickening. It was cute. It was so cute. It was just so cute. But, yes, you know, my mental health is really, really great because fortunately, there's this, you know, again, concept in Buddhism we call assuming the appropriate karma. You know, it's also like, basically it's called, like, suffering consciously, all this kind of stuff. So every single thing that I'm going through right now have been going through all that good stuff, you know, all of this I. I knew was coming, you know, and so, you know, so there's that. I did. I did know stuff was coming because I was like, okay, I'm gonna choose integrity over everything else. So that means I'm about to lose out on a lot of stuff right now. Didn't really quite know how much that was gonna be, but lost out on a lot of things, right? And, like, some really. I've been having some really crappy stuff happen, you know, and I've been going through some insane struggles, you know, it's been extremely hard financially, it's been hard physically, it's been hard. You know, I know I need to see a doctor, but ain't got no health insurance, so, you know, a girl's still sometimes limping around this dango house, you know what I'm saying? So there's that, you know. But something happened this weekend, this past weekend and this past week that reminded me who I was and what I can do and how blessed I am and why I sacrifice, sacrificed everything, you know, so it's one of those things where, like, you cannot pay, you couldn't buy these type of lessons, and nor would I actually want to really, like, volunteer to be going through what I'd be going through. Like, I really wish I could skip a lot of this, you know, like, do I really have to go through all this? I get the point. I understand the lesson. I truly do. Do I really need to get beat like a punching bag? And I tell people, it's kind of like I'm kind of like the stage in my life in the movie where the superhero is getting a ass whooped. Like, whooped. And you don't even know if they going to get back up actually. You like, oh, my God, did they just kill Superman? Did they just kill the black trans Wonder Woman? Did they just kill the black Trans Storm. And I listen because I don't know if y' all been watching the Wheel of Time. That's my show. Y' all need to bring that back. I don't care what you say. Oh, it ain't too expensive. Ain't too expensive when y' all billionaires. No, bring the show back and then put me on it. Amazon. Yes. Like the animated film that you watched mine, Captain Zero. Yes. What? Who? I can definitely relate. Jerome says to have joy in the midst of the storm, you know, you gotta have joy in the midst of the storm, you know? And I definitely know that it'll get better. Thank you. Thank you. What is that? Amai, thank you so much. I definitely know that it will get better. I know that it will get better. That's the thing. Like, it's something I wish I could find, like, the. You know, the. The stuff. But I'm telling you, because I've already been through this. I'm 44 years old. I've been practicing this Buddhist practice for 15 years. So, like, I've gone through this before, and it's nasty. It's nasty. It's painful. But we talk about turning pain into medicine. I just thought that, you know, I've been through it. So do I. Yeah. I'm saying, like, I've been doing. Why do I have to? Do I really need to? But sometimes, you know. And so I went to a meeting yesterday, and there was this woman, and her experience just brought me to tears. I was sitting there bawling and trying to, like, keep my tears in check because, you know, I was just like. Like, them silent tears, it just kept falling. I'm, like, listening to her, and what I know is this. I'mma say this, and I'm. I'mma. I'mma say this, and I'mma let it go. And I'mma let it go. I'mma let it go. I'mma say this, and I'm going let it go. You know, this woman is like a. A PhD researcher and stuff like that. What have you. And, you know, had experience losing a job, having a job basically rescinded due to this Trump, you know, air environment. You know, there was funds and things available for the position, and, you know, since the pullback and, you know, the things that. The shenanigans that he's been pulling, her job got pulled, too. And so, you know, not only has that made things difficult, but, you know, just all these other things made things difficult. And she kind of, like, just started crying a little bit in the sense of, like, because of how this political environment is having an effect on, you know, on everything, you know, because again, people, again, always refuse to understand that, you know, life is politics. Everything about your life is politics. So I don't care what you're talking about, dating, getting married, working, a job. There's all policies around that that tell you what you can and cannot do in them situations depending on your identity, your race, your age, and a whole bunch of other factors. So, you know, you gotta, you know, sort of get in and tap into the politics. But one thing that I realized in this scenario is that there are a lot of people who have had the heart to understand that loss is universal. And that when we are experiencing the things that we are experiencing globally right now, there is no escaping it. I don't know who you think you are to think that you might be escaping anything that's happening right now, whether it's with immigration or whether it's with the genocide that's happening on. On the Congo, on Palestinians, on the Sudan. It's quite humorous. I know God. And, you know, if you call it God, the universe, what have you, quite humorous to think that all these atrocities are going on in the world and you will just walk unscathed. So I know everybody's, like, trying to brace themselves and all the type of things, you know what I'm saying? But here's what I'm. I'm learning. I'm finding my people. I'm finding the people that won't run, that won't sell me out for their own warmth and comfort. I'm finding the people who will share resources with me, who will tell me truths, who will educate me, who will hold me accountable, who will see accountability as a reciprocal thing, you know, and not as a cancel culture or that you're being a party pooper or whatever it is. I'm finding my people, and I'm finding that I don't even have to argue anymore. I don't think I need to argue anymore, actually, about anything anymore. That's why I deactivated my threads. Y' all got it. Y' all got it. Because what I'm gonna be doing is stayed steady on the word. And by the word, I mean the word of Nietzsche. Daishonin, listen to me here. Y' all do what y' all do, okay? Y' all do what y' all do. I'm gonna do what I do that baby. All day, all night. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm not gonna go there. But all I'm gonna say Is this just like everybody? And that's why I don't like about America. America playing in your face about religious freedom. But then everything you go to is a Christian function and everybody looking at you weird and want to exile you and whatever say got things to say about you and call you a. A devil worshiper, and I with a false idolatry where all kind of. Got all kind of things to say about you and your religion. You know what I'm saying? Listen, all I'm going to say is if it worked for you, wonderful. If it works for you, wonderful for you. I'mma tell you this Buddhism, I' ma tell you all day. You can get me all day talking about Buddhism. I can introduce you. I can tell you how it will make your life wonderful. But you ain't got to listen to me. You ain't got to believe none of that. You ain't got to practice. You ain't got to. You ain't got to do nothing, none of that. And I respect you. And I'm not going to say you going to hell, but I'm going tell you one thing. I' ma tell you one thing. Do we want to talk about hell for real? Because, oh, I, you know, I. I want to talk as convicted and strong as other people be talking, you know what I'm saying? Like everybody else get to talk from their chest. Let me talk from my chest. Heaven and hell are very real places, and they are right here, right now. In Buddhism, we learn the concept of the mutual possession of the ten worlds. Heaven is one of those places. But heaven is a place where everything is perfect and wonderful. You know what I mean? Heaven, but it can't. Heaven, that can't last like that all the whole time. You know what I mean? And. And a part of life, part of being this type of being is to know that we travel through these worlds every day, you know, through our lives in this whole cycle. And some of us are born in certain realms. We're born into the realms of, you know, more. Higher frequencies. And some of us are born into lower realms of more suffering. The point is, is that there is a door, there is a portal in every single space. So please understand that the hell that Palestinians and young Congo, Congolese children are experiencing as they are working in those mines, in those terrible work conditions. Also that we can have cell phones. Just know, like, it's the mutual possession of all of these worlds. It is such that, you know, there. There were moments where I saw like, these kids that were. I think they were like Dancing and singing amongst all of this rubble. You know, this was before they were weakened by starvation and malnutrition. But to experience joy and happiness amongst so much chaos and destruction and rubble is an example of how you can taste heaven in the midst of hell. You can when you're enwrapped in an anger or hunger, animality. These are all these lower states, these are all states that are always present. So I don't get to not, I don't get to escape experiencing hell. I experience my own personal hell sometimes. So rest assured those people who you think are winning, I saw something, a post on the social media earlier that was like, why is it that the bad people are always winning? I want you to rest assure that they will experience hell, not later, you understand? I'm saying it will come because we all, we all get a taste, you know what I'm saying? And depending on our karma and all these various factors depend on how much the doses are, you know, and how quickly we can get out of these spaces. You know what I mean? We always can choose right now. That why, that's why this podcast is called no Opportunity Wasted Now. Because there is always an opportunity to make a choice to get about of where you're at and rise up to some place a little bit better than where you at right now. You understand? I'm saying, I'm telling you from somebody who's been on the flow, barely moving one day I will tell you all the things that I, you know, that I have, that I've been going through, but not today is not that day. Have you or anyone here ever given to Gaza, Congo, etc, monetarily, who's trustworthy to go through? Yes. So one of the person that you want to follow is, I'm going to go to their Instagram right now. But it's like, it's. And it's a foundation that they have, but they actually feed, they get, they do what they can. You can see it's all legit. Iman mom, Brooke, I think is how you say it. Iman Mombrooke. And basically she's always like, yo, yo, yo, yo, good morning. And f, you know, you know, and so I, I love them so much. I've learned so much from them. They motivate me and give me strength and courage watching the work that they do. So they have something called the Ramon foundation, the Ramen Foundation. Some of them, some of the people that have worked with them have been on the flotilla when they were trying to deliver aid. But yeah, these are, these are Great people. The Ramen foundation is R A M M U N Foundation. R A M M U N Foundation. Definitely check out the work that they are doing and follow them. I follow so many Palestinian accounts. And Team Congo, I follow that account as well. They keep me up to date on all the things. Yes, and thank you, Jerome, for reminding me, you know, that everyone's storm isn't for everyone to see. However, it is definitely not for everyone to see. But I will say this. I do know it kind of sucks, but I do know that, you know, people, I, I come across as a know it all probably, you know, as very strong and courageous in a lot of things. And I think maybe sometimes people think that I don't have fear or that I don't struggle or, you know, all these different things, you know, and even, even being a Buddhist, like, I'm so happy, you know, as a Buddhist, we call it absolute happiness, which is not relative to the weather changing or having a relationship or whatever. It's absolute no matter what's happening. But I am just so happy no matter what. But that doesn't mean that I'm not human and that when you prick me that I don't bleed, that it doesn't hurt and all those things. And so I think sometimes, I do think sometimes it is valuable for me to. With those that I can. And I guess where it feels safe, I guess, you know, to be vulnerable and show people. Because the thing is, is I don't break. You might get me, you know, but I don't break. I don't do nothing but get stronger, but get wiser, but get better, you know. So that being said, you know, sometimes it's good for people to see what it looks like when someone get, like me, gets knocked down and gets back up. And that's kind of what's happened a little bit. And I don't mind. I'm human. I'm like everybody else, you know, I, I, I'm not immune from having, you know, challenges like everyone else. So thank you all for spending this evening with me and all the technical difficulties that we went through tonight. I hope that, that this. Because I have this earpiece in that's plugged into my mic so I can kind of hear myself. So I know there's certain moments when it's, it's kind of giving asmr I don't know if it's really going to give ASMR like that or not. So I'm, I'm trying it out. But if this works in the future, then Maybe what I will do is at least keep one earpiece in so that I can hear just how close my voice gets to the microphone so I can tuck you into bed. Y' all be easy on each other. How about that? How about we just start being a little bit easier on each other? It's a lot going on right now, and everybody is about to get a piece. Everybody's about to get a piece, whether they voted for it or not. Everybody's about to get a piece. So let's turn on our human, like, side, our human. Our humanity, you know, let's, like, amp that up. Like, we are losing it. People are losing it. There's just such a rude culture, and I want snow parts of it. I'm rising above. I'm not doing these shenanigans no more with y'. All. I'm not arguing. I'm not arguing with you. I'm not arguing with you about trans nothing. I'm not. I'm not arguing. Matter of fact, I would be like Nina Simone in a minute because I'm just going. Y' all just going to see it in my face. That's just what's going. I'm going. I'm a say. I'm going to say what I need to say, but it's going to be more looks than saying. I'm going to say that because at this point, y' all should know what is given. Y' all should know at this point what is given. And I'm not going. I'm not. I don't. There's just no need, I think, anymore for me to say y' all trust white people. You know, keep it. Keep one eye open. That's all I say. Because, listen, I don't give a damn how it sound to whoever. I don't give a day. I don't give a damn how it sound to nobody. Look at what's going on in this country. And look what's going on in the news. Look what's going on in the government. Look what's going on in all of these places of power. And again, people of color are not immune from the foolery. Cut to Diddy. Cut to, you know, whoever else has been foolish this week. I know there's been some. All kind of foolishness going on, you know what I mean, that I ain't checked in on, you know, and that I'm probably not going to waste my time checking in on. But one thing I do know is that we don't have a decision. I. We don't all around the world. There's. I forget who did the report, but there's this report in global fascism. Not just like y' all don't all these billionaires. I'm done arguing. I'm done arguing. All I'm gonna say is read. I'm gonna employ y' all to read. That's all I can say. Please start reading. Look, I, I, I, I, I try to. I try, I try. But all I'm gonna say is this, is that it's about to be a new day for me personally. But I'm about to be mute. And as a mama, I'm about to be in a minute. I'm telling you. And I don't mean just. I mean, I mean, it is going to be what it is. Like you. Let me tell you something. If you want to know how I feel about anything, Google. That's it at this point. I mean, hopefully, hopefully the information is out there that meaning correct. There should be a video or some audio that'll be even better to be a backup. But what I'm saying is you should get my drift at this point. HRC is fraudulent human rights campaign. Where? Who said that? Who said that? I am truly for human rights for everybody around the world, so. And I'm a Buddhist, so you want to know how I feel about any of that? You just reference that. Other than that, you gonna have to read between the lines and the look on my face. Cause, huh, What? I look like Scarlett Johansson. Wait a minute. How about Nicole Kidman? No, I'm not none of them white bitches with white privilege to wager. And guess what? Ain't not now one of them speaking up. Unless you with a contract. So who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who do I think I am? Joe, let me sit down. Let me go sit down somewhere. So I'm gonna go sit down somewhere. I'm gonna keep working on what I was working on in my life and focusing on my life. We gonna be doing these shows. I didn't. I was doing it. There's some other stuff I got up my sleeve as I pull back a little bit. I'm pushing some other people forward. So I've been behind the scenes producing other people's stuff, and I'm about to help some other people get their voices amplified, you know, and yeah, y' all got it, right? Y' all got it. Y' all got it. Me and Amanda Seals was getting on y' all nerves. I got it. I got it. And I. And I'm so glad to see Amanda back And doing her things and getting her flowers and love that. I think y' all still giving me the candy treatment, you know, that's basically saying, going somewhere, girl, with all of that. And then when I pass away, then y' all gonna bring out the watercolor paintings and quotes of me saying all this powerful stuff on T shirts and all this kind of stuff. But while I was living, y' all said, somebody shut that up. I will not forget that. I will not forget the people who said shut up or shut that bitch up. So. Especially without an apology. Cause listen, I'm a graceful girl. So a good apology, a good. You know what, girl? I'm so sorry I left you flailing in the wind like that. You know what, girl? I am so sorry I spoke up against you in that booking. I'm so sorry, girl, that, you know, whatever. Whatever it is, I'm graceful. If it's heartfelt and all the kind of things and you know, you know where you fucked up, got me fucked up and all the other stuff, then great, wonderful, we can move forward, kinda, you know what I mean? And what I mean by kind of is I don't trust you no more. But, like, we can definitely move forward, you know what I'm saying? But definitely don't trust your motherfucking ass no more, you know what I'm saying? Like, you think. Think about it like this. If we is in a zombie apocalypse, you think I'm a trust that bitch again, huh? I be there by daylight. Not. Not gonna get me twice what Bush say, huh? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice. Something like that. I know he got confused. And I got confused too, saying it. So what else was I say? Oh, my God. But I did get to write a new beautiful song. Oh, my goodness. Oh, God. My. Oh, it's so beautiful. And the thing is, is it's. Oh, it's called Bad Place. Oh, my goodness. And again, it's. It's based off of the ten worlds, like I said. So the, you know, hell is one of the worlds. So I call it the Bad Place. And I was talking with my friend and co writer Eck, and this dude is cold. I mean, cold. I was talking to him about the Buddhist practice, and I was telling him how I wanted to create this song where, you know, I want to. Like, I'd be trying to slip. I'd be trying to slip my Buddhism in my music, you know what I mean? And like, just talking about how. Because I know what I know about the 10 worlds is to understand that we all will experience and can experience hell, but you don't have to get stuck there? And that there is a way out and so you know, the. The song goes. A universe within a universe? A universe within a universe? Life could be complicated? Feeling good until you're feeling heard? And now you've got frustrations? There's a way in and a way out? You just can't stop in traffic? Better to be lost than to be nowhere? Ups and downs are gonna happen? You're on a journey? It's way too early to give up? You're on a journey? Show yourself some love? Don't get stuck in the bad place? Something you know. You know, this is something like that. But I didn't. I wasn't here to give like a real, you know, a full on performance, but it is a song that just touches me so much. So, yeah, I cannot wait to share that full song with you. It's so beautiful. Means so much to me. But anyway, so I'm going to go. I've talked enough. I'm going to go to bed. But when I do get this voice good and warmed up and can get ready to give y' all a real concert, I'll let you know. All right. No opportunity wasted. Y' all have a good night. Thank you for hanging with me tonight. Good night. Your holding you.