Trailblazing Advocacy: Ceyenne Doroshow’s Legacy

[00:00:10] Speaker A: So many things are going on right now and I did put on some makeup for you today, so hope you're going to enjoy that. I, you know, it's hard to do all the things. So all the things did not get done because I'm juggling all of the things today solo again. But thank you for joining us. I am streaming live to YouTube, I think Facebook, I think Substack, I think also Instagram and a, you know, a few other places. Welcome back to now. No opportunity wasted. We have a great interview for you today. Let's see here. Natural beauty. Thank you so much on Instagram. Thank you. Share Consigliere. I think that's how you say the name that you got going on there. So here's the situation today. There's just a lot going on and I guess you're going to get. Because we do here around here, we do, you know, this is live and I usually part of this is scripted and part of it is live and off the cusp and non scripted. But there are some things that I'm like kind of preparing in the background to make sure I do have just to be able to read so that I don't mess up anything, you know. Where is she? Please show me that one. There we go. There it is. All right, great. All right, awesome. Okay, so I got my intro here for today's guest, which is the amazing Cayenne Door show. Baby, she does not hold it back. Cayenne is, you know, I love, I love, I love the type of girl that Cayenne is. Cayenne just keeps it very straight, doesn't pull any punches. So you know, you're, you're gonna get, you know, it's a, it's a little, there's some language in today's episode. Just a little bit of language. So for those, hopefully your kids are in bed. It's past 10 o'. Clock. Hopefully you know where your kids are. I know where mine are. They're non existent. They're in another plane, in another life with me. But in this lifetime we're not doing, we're not doing that I, I misplaced because there's so much going on right now. There's so much going on because I have been moving and doing some moving. So not everything that I'm looking for is not exactly at my fingertips like I usually like it. I wish it was. Also just know that not only can I see your text messages, but also if you're interested in, you know, joining me live, you can actually text message me at 1-888-9912, 946. And, you know, I might just bring you on screen with me to talk about all of the things. Maybe we're talking about some current events that are happening right now. Maybe there are some burning questions that you have for me and want because, you know, some of y' all are bold, you know, so we'll see how bold y' all are. I mean, listen, you listen. You could pretty much ask me anything as long as you're being respectful. Okay? And I will give you the most respectful answer that I can possibly give you back. So hopefully you are all tuning in from all of the places. You know, like, I always like to start off with a. A word from Buddhism. I don't have my Buddhism day by day book, but I do have my, like, thing that I sit on my altar. I don't know what we call this, but let me see. Daily wisdom from the writings of Nietzsche and Daishonin. Yeah. So Nietzsche and daishona himself, the 12th century priest. So let's see what he Sundays for today, July 26th. Oh, I frequently am not aware of what day it might be, you know, because I just got so much going on. So I don't know what day, what day is. Today's Monday. I do know that the date, though is July 28th. And for the word for today, it says, quote, since I have realized that only the Lotus Sutra teaches the attainment of Buddhahood by women and that only the Lotus Sutra is of true requital for repaying the kindness of our mother, in order to repay my debt to my mother, I have vowed to enable all women to chant the Daimoku of this sutra. And, you know, so for those that know, you know, there are so many different sects of Buddhism. And some sects of Buddhism don't believe that, that women can attain enlightenment. You know what I'm saying? Some of them, you know, still adhere to some old social, you know, constructs. And, you know, the way that we explain it in nature and Buddhism is like, look, the Buddha in the beginning taught beginner's mind, you know, Zen Buddhism. Then he went on and taught, you know, he just. There was all these different things and these. The. Well, he didn't. Zen Buddhism as a school kind of evolved around the Buddha. So it's again, just like Jesus, Jesus didn't like, come here to start Christianity. He was just teaching and that, you know, they built that around him. And so, you know, like Zen Buddhism and all these different things when he, as he traveled throughout his Life. And as he taught, you know, there was, like, schools built around these different teachings, and they're all like different rivers, you know what I mean, that lead to a great ocean. So, you know, they're. They call the Mahayana Buddhism the great vehicle, the main vehicle, and that all of these other Buddhisms are kind of like rivers that have a, like, taste to it. But, you know, they. There's some things that are missing, and for some of those things, what's missing is that, yeah, women. Yep, women, too. And LGBTQ people, matter of fact, to be specific, trans women. Black trans women can be a Buddha. Black trans women can get enlightenment, attain enlightenment, you know, go to Nirvana, all the different things. Black trans women can own their karma in such beautiful ways, like I do, you know, so that's why I love this Buddhism, is because it does not prioritize a hierarchy of priests that you have to pay and make them do certain rituals and whatever. And they're supposed to be the media mediator, you know, between you and. And all of the things. Oh, they're. They're not going to be the mediator between you and all the things that you can go straight to the source, you know, And I love something that allows. That tells me that I can go straight to the source, you know, and ask questions. If you don't know what's what. Like, what does that even mean, child? What is Nami? What. What does that even mean, child? And for those, you know, I can't. I mean, I. Look, I'll be rusty on the, like, the direct meaning, but it's basically like I devote myself to the mystic law, which. It's like. [00:08:03] Speaker B: It's. [00:08:03] Speaker A: It's like this whole. It's like a kind of like a poem, but it's like, you know, through light and sound and all these things. But basically. Basically what it says is, I devote myself. I align myself with that of the universe, the thing that moves, and the impulse of change and everything else. I'm aligning myself with it. I'm not fighting it. I'm aligning myself with it. And so wherever I may go, whatever I'm supposed to face and challenge, whatever life wants me to respond to, I will align to that. It's kind of the same thing that Christians will say is, like, God, where would you have me go? You know? And so it's like when I sit in front of the altar and I'm chanting, I'm polishing the mirror so that I can see my life conditioned so clearly that I'm not afraid of the challenges and the things that come up. But I know that they have been placed there for me specifically because of how strong and how wise and that I am the person that was born to respond right now to some of these issues. Because sometimes don't nobody else know what to say. If you don't know what to say, honey, past the mic, because I might know. I might be able to share a few words, maybe, you know. All right, so I am keeping an eye on my text message situation just in case somebody's like texting me and like, hey, hey, hey, hey, Terrard. Saying reparations, focused reparations, focus confections. Oh, that's your. Your. That is your. A business that you're starting. Okay, I see it in the text message, baby, but you know, you got to put it on the, on the comments on. I think I can. I can put the comments. If you comment on YouTube and maybe on Facebook. I think mostly the YouTube comments. I. If you're watching on Facebook, I might be able to post your comments. But it's mostly, I think the YouTube comments that I can post. So. Join [email protected] Ms. Ross. And again, I can send you my live studio link. We can have about 10 people at a time up on here if we want to have a. A round table of a conversation. But let's keep it cute, let's keep it respectful and all of the things. So I really don't, you know, have much to bring to you outside of this interview today because a girl is just. I am working my tush off and all I can tell you is everything is turning around for me finally. And my girl shout out to one of my producers, Daniella Carter, she sent this gospel song to me, turning around, you know, for me or what have you, you know. And I still listen to gospel music. Even though I'm a Buddhist, I still listen to gospel music. I still like to get me a little Kirk Franklin in there. You know, I love me some Kirk Franklin, but. And, you know, Yolanda Adams and the good oldies, you know, the Clock Sisters and things like that. I love me a good gospel, don't it? You know, for me, Buddhism, all Buddhism did for me was take God out of the box. No long. I don't. There's no, I don't have to say specific. It took God out of a box. It just did. And it also helped me to tap into that energy, that source, that greater power that is within me. And again, that's what other people do with their religions, right? So whatever it Is that speaks to you? As long as it speaks to you, I'm for it. You know what I'm saying? But if it's making you go against yourself, honey, making you feel like you abomination, just for being who you are, baby, no matter who you are, gay, trans, straight, you know, immigrant, whatever, you are worthy. No matter who you are, you are worthy. No matter what you're going through, you are worthy, you know, whether you're in sex work and doing all kind of things. Buddhism is that thing that if you let it will help you to turn pain, any kind of pain, into medicine. So, you know, just like the folks say that you should not judge people and not know that what God is doing and working in their lives. You never know what God is doing. So, you know, you know, God may not be done yet in those certain things or, you know, the story's not done yet. You don't know the blessing that is unfolding in the lesson that is unfolding when someone has to go from the journey from where they're at, at point A to where they're trying to get at point B. But we judge people all the time for so many reasons. That's just so uncalled for. So without judgment, with accountability, but without judgment, with community, but without judgment. I live my life, you know, I'm saying I accept. I voluntarily accept the appropriate karma for my life. Tarrard says, you are a hella glowing. I'm excited about this interview. Thank you very much. You know, I put a little Danessa Myricks on my face today, you know, so I put a little makeup on today, and it was a very, very quick makeup job. So quick that I did not even have the time to put on lashes. So sorry. I know I have broke a cardinal rule. Sorry. I did not put on lashes. Next time, okay? Next time. All right, so I think we're gonna go ahead and get. So here's the situation. I want to go ahead and get into this interview, right? But I gotta hope and pray because I know what I did last time. That's what I did last time. What I did last time was I. Because that's the thing. I'm trying to share this thing with you, but technology. And that's why I gotta create like a sop, you know, a standard. Standard operation. You know what I'm talking about? Standard. You know what I mean? Standard of opera. You know, standard of operations. I think that's what it's called, systems that. And so I'm going to put this on my screen behind me really quick. And I am going to go ahead and get her on full screen behind me. And so the way that we're going to hope that this plays out. And y' all gonna have to tell me. Tarar. Yes. Standard operating procedures. Thank you so much. Listen, and thank you, Tim. Thank you so much, Tim, for saying that I don't need lashes. I appreciate it. Because I do have some naturally long, curly lashes. So I just put on a little mascara, you know, smoke the eyes out a little bit. Yeah, no, the camera is not too close. I got it back up a little bit. We're not doing extra, extra HD right now, so we're gonna keep you backed up back there right now. So I think so what I'm gonna do. Hopefully this works. I think this is gonna work. Now I'm gonna go to present, and I'm gonna say shares screen. Okay, one second. Some screens let you share audio. Look for the share audio checks box. Checkbox on the next window. Follow these steps to share video with audio. Okay, please let me do this. So I just did it, and now. Oh, I got the tab that says share. Also share tab audio. Please don't make me do this in the tab. So we're going to say screen two to share audio. Share a tab instead. Girl, I don't want to share a tab. I can't. What you talking about? I don't want to share a tab. But I guess I could because I do have it uploaded to YouTube already. So I guess I could share it as a tab. So. Hold on a second. Ain't this about it? Technology child. Okay, so we're gonna say YouTube.com forward slash. Ms. Ross, please let me be logged in. Oh, okay, I see. That is live. Okay, so now let me go to videos, and I'mma go. I am logged in. So I'm go here, and I'm going say YouTube studio. Okay. And I'm gonna go to content, and there is the video. It's just not listed. Okay, so now I'm gonna take this video. Oh, shoot. So now I'm gonna take this video off my screen and get rid of that one. And now I'm going to take this. Oh, I don't hear myself. Oh, my goodness. Why don't I hear myself? Can y' all still hear me? Oh, my goodness. I don't hear myself. Oh, there we go. [00:17:00] Speaker B: Oh. [00:17:00] Speaker A: Because this thing came out a second. I was like, oh, no. Please tell me that technology is not acting up. Okay, so now I'm go back to that tab. We're gonna quit quick time. We're gonna go back to the tab. Ciao. Okay, so the tab that I had open with. Here we go. So I'll bring you over here. We're going to select this video. Here we go to the video here. Well, I am so honest. Okay, but wait. We're gonna pause it and then we're gonna go back to the beginning of it and we're gonna go full screen with it. Okay, so before I go with it now, we gonna go to. Look, Tara, you are so right. Technology changes every 24 to 36 hours, so you really got to try to keep up on it. So here we go. So I'm going to now go to present and invite, and I'm going to go to Share Screen. Share screen. Great. So it is now showing it to me as a tab. So cool. Video details. Nope, that. That's what I want. I want that tab. Share the audio. So I'm sitting. Share. Okay, great. I think we got it, y'. All. So here we go. Here is the video and my recent interview with Cayenne Doro. Now, before we get into that, I just want to read a little bit about Cayenne so you, you know, so you can, you can, you can get a little bit of how amazing Cayenne is. Let me make sure the speed of my teleprompter is not going hit me with too fast. So I think, I think I usually like it, like right there. Okay, here we go. All right, y'. All. So today's guest, Cayenne, is a true powerhouse. She's a voice for the unheard, a disruptor of justice, and a true beacon of radical love and resilience. We are honored to welcome a woman who has not only lived the truth of her story, but she has used. She's used her life to change the world. Cayenne Dor show is an activist, an author, an entrepreneur, and a proud black trans woman who has spent decades fighting for the rights, safety, and the dignity of sex workers, incarcerated people, and trans people of color. Born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, Cayenne's early experiences navigating trans identity, power, poverty, sex work, and the criminal justice system gave her an unshakable understanding of survival and the urgent need for systemic change. But she didn't just stop at surviving. She became a builder. In 2015, Cayenne founded Glitz standing for gays and Lesbians Living in a Transgender Society, a groundbreaking organization that provides housing, health care access and advocacy for transgender and gender non conforming people, especially those who have been impacted by incarceration and homelessness. Under Cayenne's leadership, Glitz made history in 2020 by purchasing two permanent housing buildings in New York City, A first of its kind moment in a trans led community organization. She's also the author of Cooking in Heels, a raw and funny and moving memoir cookbook that blends her life story with the flavors and fire of Cayenne's kitchen. Cayenne has spoken at the United nations, she's rallied at Stonewall, and continues to advocate fiercely for those who are too often silenced or erased. Through every struggle, Cayenne brings joy, humor, and unapologetic truth, challenging us to care more, give more, and do better. Please join me in welcoming a revolutionary storyteller and healer and a visionary, a leader, Cayenne Doro. Well, I am so honored to have the Cayenne Door show here now. Thank you so much for joining me. [00:21:39] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:21:40] Speaker A: It's so good to see you. You know, I just recently saw you. What was that? A couple months ago. And I had the privilege of continuing the beautiful story and legacy of our sister, Cecilia Gentile, and her. Her play Red Ink. And I know you were very close to her as well. You showed up. So, first of all, just because this is Pride month and we're celebrating, number one, you and your history and your story and how you've been here, but you've been in relationship with so many community members who have come and who have gone. How do we keep their memories alive? [00:22:26] Speaker B: Oh, that's a hard question. But keeping the memory alive, you know, kind of a dig on the Catholic Church was having Cecilia's funeral there. Wow. [00:22:36] Speaker A: Yes. Talk about it. [00:22:37] Speaker B: Iconic. I couldn't care nothing about bothering him, disrespecting, because we did not. We showed up like they did for Andy Warhol and I think. But Scott, too, funeral was there and in high fashion. People showed up standishly clad for Andy Warhol, of course. [00:22:55] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:22:56] Speaker B: So what was different about a bunch of trans, lesbians, gays, and the whole community showing up like St. Patrick had never been full like that. [00:23:06] Speaker A: Wow. [00:23:06] Speaker B: Showing up in that way for our sister. [00:23:09] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:23:10] Speaker B: But also having to live in that truth, that moment of when they carry their casket in, like, my heart stopped. But I knew what she looked like inside of there. [00:23:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:23] Speaker B: And what we poured into her. [00:23:24] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:23:25] Speaker B: She looked. [00:23:26] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. And I will say that, you know, I wasn't able to make it to New York at that time, but thankfully, like just watching the outpouring of love to me, you know, that Felt like the fictional depiction, sort of with Candy's funeral, about how people showed up and to know that she was also a part of that pose legacy, you know, was amazing. So just thank you for always showing up for the girls, for always keeping their memory alive and showing up for her story. When we did, When I did Red Ink, you founded a space and an organization when there was nothing like it around that centered our dignity at being able to access housing. What. What gave you the impetus to sort of start something that wasn't there before? And also, where did you find the audacity to create something like that out of nothing? [00:24:27] Speaker B: I always believed when I worked for other people that I wasn't being heard or seen. And that's kind of messed up when you're pouring so much into community. I worked for all these orgs for years and still didn't feel seen. Yeah, I remember going to the morgue for a young girl that was killed. A sex worker. And how she was treated, how I was treated, how her body was treated, treated. But also, my boss said I overstepped my boundary by going to make sure that that girl got home because she got to go on the way home service. And I looked at that lady when she said it to me because, sweetie, it's my job to make sure these kids get to where they need to be. And it wore heavy on me. And after seven years of not taking a vacation, working seven days a week, I realized I wasn't valued. So I quit. [00:25:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:28] Speaker B: And then I worked. I know this other woman and the other woman for another organization, Red Umbrella. This shiesty woman. Oh, I could say it. [00:25:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:40] Speaker B: This shiesty woman put her pasty face on the back of my cookbook, took all the trips to Europe and Spain and Germany for my book, and sent me to the local stuff here. So when I started traveling the world, people were bringing me my book signed by her. Well, when did this happen? And matter of fact, she's at the same conference I'm in. Let me go bring this to her. [00:26:09] Speaker A: This is a book you wrote my cookbook. What it is. What, Harper, Who? This woman. Who. Who. Who is the woman? Who is she to the project? [00:26:19] Speaker B: She was. Well, first of all, she. They knew a niche market. I just got out of jail In, I think, 2002 for sex work I had. [00:26:32] Speaker A: How long were you in there? [00:26:33] Speaker B: Oh, child, 30 days. That's long enough to change your life. [00:26:37] Speaker A: Oh, listen, I think. I don't want to find out, But. [00:26:40] Speaker B: I heard 30 days shook me and rocked me to my core. So while I was in there, I was starving. And I use just my mind to help them figure out how to make meals out of the crap they were giving them in jail. So I was actually coming up with recipes so they could cook for themselves. And I just started writing down everything I wanted to eat when I got out. And my lawyers came to see me. They were worried about me. So they came to see me and they were like, what is that folder? And it said, everything I want to eat when I get home. And she said, give me the folder. And she handed the folder to that woman. And that woman. You said it, Harpo. [00:27:19] Speaker A: Who? [00:27:19] Speaker B: That woman. You said it right off the back. Because that woman, not only scandal. [00:27:28] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:27:29] Speaker B: She married a award winning filmmaker after six months of knowing him. [00:27:36] Speaker A: Okay. [00:27:36] Speaker B: He wore an award winning filmmaker that she found online. Married him, had him create a Red Umbrella movie. And he did. She got that money from New York City Women's Foundation. Wait for it. Right after the movie was finished. He's a violent man. And I want out of it. Because she never wanted that man. She used that man like she used me. Got a divorce, told the world that this poor man. Four Tony Awards. Four for filmmaking. [00:28:10] Speaker A: But you know what? Do you know why this happens when a white woman cry and when they recognize that somebody's coming from a position. [00:28:18] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:28:19] Speaker A: That they don't have anyone to protect. [00:28:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:21] Speaker A: Them and their value that they're bringing. And we are in such a world where, like, sinners, you know, movies like sinners and things like that have pointed out at how much white supremacy wants to take and co opt our rhythm, but they don't want none of our blues. They don't want to experience that. And so I'm sorry that something like that happened. I'm not. I think, why not? [00:28:46] Speaker B: I learned a lesson. I learned how to inspire myself to do this work myself. [00:28:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:52] Speaker B: I could design it myself. She was very right. That's a. That's below my pay grade. So I turned it up. [00:29:01] Speaker A: So he took. [00:29:01] Speaker B: By creating my own. I said to everybody, if I ever had the chance, I was doing this with nothing, bringing people in. [00:29:09] Speaker A: Hold on now. Let's talk about that for a second. Because you have been around a while and you. Like you said before, there was glitz, there was just cayenne in your house. I think you might have had to learn a couple lessons with the girls in your own space. How did you. How do you serve before you have a building? Because now, oh my goodness, you've made history. Getting a building for the girls. But like before, Glitz had a building and it was just you doing this. How did you balance the difficulty and the challenge of bringing someone off the street into a home where they can mess up what you got going on and now you can't help nobody? [00:29:49] Speaker B: I, you know, I. I was smart with. With purchasing. Not purchasing, renting my home. I never wanted to live in an apartment after being in a box. I've always rented a house. And I paid flat out. [00:30:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:05] Speaker B: Because for, like, five years. [00:30:07] Speaker A: Wow. [00:30:07] Speaker B: So I secured my. My. My house. That house where the clients were coming and I didn't have to worry about the rent. What I didn't see was the harm that was going to come my way. Once I bought these people home, when I got them off the plane from Uganda and Kenya, some of them were not too nice, and some of them tried to assault me, tried to assault my roommate, who I let live with me. Some of them were actually not trans women. They were actually gay men that use being trans to get them the opportunity got in my house and flipped it right in my face. [00:30:49] Speaker A: Wow. [00:30:49] Speaker B: I am not trans. And you people are clowns. [00:30:52] Speaker A: So how did you start to, like, create a filter or some kind of screening process? [00:30:56] Speaker B: I slowed down my brother Sid and Rio from Body Hack said, you cannot do this. This is not sustainable. They're going to kill you in your own room. [00:31:07] Speaker A: Yes. [00:31:08] Speaker B: And I had to listen to that because at that moment, my life was in jeopardy. The whole time, my life was in jeopardy. Because you're bringing people into your world, so you're balancing helping people in society and you're balancing your home, your actual home. It was a bad recipe. So, you know, I said if I ever had the opportunity, instead of doing like most. Most of the agencies in New York City, screwing people over, I took the access we got from the Trans Liberation March, and I immediately, quickly, my lawyers were upset with me, put all that money into that building for community. I could have donated it to decream. I could have done this, this and that, but I promised that I would buy a building for community. That's the thing to do when you're black and you're trans. [00:32:02] Speaker A: And that's no easy feat, though. [00:32:05] Speaker B: No, no. [00:32:07] Speaker A: And keeping a building and managing a building and putting all. [00:32:09] Speaker B: That's the hard part. [00:32:11] Speaker A: That comes with some things. Right. [00:32:12] Speaker B: Taxes. [00:32:13] Speaker A: So. But. Right. But how do you then. Because I think the model for many black women, cis or trans, has been making a dollar out of 15 cents has been, you know, helping when you Barely have things and helping certain things. And as trans women, I still see as I'm trying to help folks. Folks come out the gate with this heart to want to serve community, and they are still in the thick of their own strength, struggle and trauma. How do we. What advice can you give to those who have the heart to serve but haven't realized yet that you need to serve yourself first? [00:32:55] Speaker B: You know, we often, they say, put on oxygen mask before you put it on your child. Save yourself first. Unfortunately, the trauma our communities been, they literally built it for us to live in trauma. We have had to navigate muddy, murky, nasty waters to be who we are today. I stand up on truth Spirit, not so much religion. Spirit keeps me grounded. [00:33:29] Speaker A: Can we talk about that for a second? Because for me, thankfully, I found Buddhism, you know, as my spiritual practice. Nam Yoho Ranga killed us. Right? I found Buddhism as my spiritual practice, but something I realized because I was born in and raised in a Pentecostal church. So I kind of saw things early on in the yes Child. It's a show. [00:33:51] Speaker B: It's a show running around. [00:33:53] Speaker A: It's a show. But basically I grew up and I realized right away there's a difference between religion and spirituality and that you can have both. But sometimes people get lost in the performance of religion and it's a performance. Yes. And are losing out on the spirituality. As a black trans woman, how did you find spirituality for yourself? [00:34:16] Speaker B: I had to center myself. My great grandfather was a bishop, and the man never raised his voice. Everything I faced at home rocked my core about religion because how could I live in this. This glass house and nobody's watching what's happening? I was at home. I was more at home at home than I was in church, more than the streets, more from school. It was at home. And my centering became my boots and on became my cousin. Kathy was like, you need to chant, and you're not chanting for religion, you're chanting for yourself. You're chanting to breathe. As soon as you walk in my. On my porch, in my house, you look to the left, there's a boots around on the wall. And my cousin made it and she mailed it all the way. [00:35:10] Speaker A: You were telling me about this baby the last time we were together. Yes. Oh, my goodness. And I just have to say, as a trans person, because I've said this, people have heard me talk about this all the time. I. I know that I have a body, and as a body, we need to have a relationship that checks in on the health of my body. I have my mind and I need some sort of relationships or methodology to check in on the health of my mind. But so many times people miss on that spiritual part that you need what has chanting the space, creating this spiritual space. As a trans woman, what does it mean to you to have that space when ev, when you're hearing so much stuff around abomination, this and going to hell here? What does it mean to you to have found a place that speaks to you spiritually? [00:36:04] Speaker B: I, you know, me and my kids, we, we are coming up. There's so many things that go on in this brain here, this one. And I want to protect community, but I want community to have the spirituality and the church they see. [00:36:19] Speaker A: Yes. And yes. [00:36:21] Speaker B: We're about to create the church of affirmation. [00:36:25] Speaker A: You better. You heard it right here now on no opportunity wasted. [00:36:30] Speaker B: It makes sense. It makes sense that we have a gender affirming church that belongs to us, for us, by us, Absolutely led by us. It just. When I, when I got the building, I cried when we first got it and I went in there, but I went in there and wanted to knock stuff down and fix stuff. And I wanted everybody's house to have a gold seal in everybody's apartment because that's healing. I want everybody to have a chandelier because girls deserve a chandelier. [00:37:01] Speaker A: Oh, glitz. [00:37:02] Speaker B: And it's glitz. And it just was the earmark for me, how I had grown to be able to do this for a community. But then you got to think of all the bells and whistles that really makes a trans girl unsafe in America. [00:37:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:18] Speaker B: So I bought a building in a nice neighborhood. [00:37:20] Speaker A: But you are working. You're doing and doing work with a population as you, as you've described in the beginning stages of that, that's not the easiest to, to, to work with. How do you create a standard and a boundary for entry while also recognizing the people who aren't there yet? Is there, you know, are there people that come to your door that aren't ready yet and what do you say? The person that's just. [00:37:49] Speaker B: No, no. There are places out here, they got gmhc, they got destination tomorrow. These are wonderful organizations. [00:37:56] Speaker A: Yes. [00:37:56] Speaker B: Go to them. [00:37:57] Speaker A: Got you. [00:37:57] Speaker B: This is for the girl and the guy that really wants their life to be together. [00:38:01] Speaker A: Yes. [00:38:02] Speaker B: I don't. There's no metal barrier here. I have boundaries. [00:38:06] Speaker A: Yes. [00:38:06] Speaker B: And I have contracts. I want you to dedicate your life to changing your life. You're not doing it for me. [00:38:13] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:38:13] Speaker B: Doing it so you can have sustainability and Move on. But creating this. You know how hard it is for a trans person to pick up every year, every two years, and move because their lease is up. [00:38:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:26] Speaker B: So buying a building, they never have to leave and buy another building and more. Where we're about to open 34 studios in Bay Ridge. [00:38:36] Speaker A: Okay, so wait, that's 34 studio apartments. So I want to be clear about this when I say this, because just because you were sitting here looking so fabulous, just because the things you were talking about are so fabulous, doesn't mean you don't still need help to do it. How can folks out here watching help the mission that you are working on? [00:39:05] Speaker B: We have some wonderful volunteers. Cheer New York stepped up the poetry brothel decrim. But so many other people. The Attorney General, Letitia James Donovan Richardson, are people I can call when I got a problem, because I have problems. There's a councilwoman with. I won't say her name because we're on camera, but it's the woman's part up here. That's her name. And she's a hot mess, and she's transphobic, and she's caused me a lot of money, at least $90,000. That's big. But she's still in office, and she's still trying to take away our freedoms, our space on Jacob Reese beach that we're also turning into a landmark and land trust. [00:39:56] Speaker A: Yes. [00:39:57] Speaker B: And doing all of this is to sustain our community. I'm doing this because I was that kid that was homeless on that beach. And those sissies and the gays fed me. They gave me blankets because they knew I was out there sleeping. They looked after me. If I go to Fire island tomorrow, get no less a towel. If I go to Stonewall, they won't even give me a cup of coffee. But once a year, you can be gay, you can be in Stonewall, and you could be black, but you can't have sustainability in July. So how does that. How does that work? So I look when I look at this body of work, and I see people that come to me and say, Ms. Cayenne, I need your help. I said, baby, you better think about that. Because if you're not ready for. If you can't read the application, this is not for you. [00:40:52] Speaker A: There's such a point. It's such a point. And I'm so thankful and grateful for you and the work that you have done. And just as you spoke about, like, the difference of going to Fire island or these different places where you've got the dinks, double income, no Kids, yes. You know where and but it ain't. It's going to trips and all these different things, let alone to like supporting community. I want to ask you, as someone who has seen pride shift from year to year the focus of pride and seeing these corporations roll back their monies to supporting the pride to me, what is your perspective on the evolving that has happened from the times of Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson till now? Have we fully progressed? Are we starting to regress at all? Do we need to check in if. [00:41:55] Speaker B: We progress, Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera would still be here in their later greater years. They would still be here if we progress. Those Stonewall quiz really cared about them. Marsha would be living. But let's look at all the films and all the people that wrote about Marsha B. Johnson don't even know she is a living daughter. Her daughter's living, but didn't invest in that if we're going to 2021. They asked me to be grand Marshall. [00:42:25] Speaker A: Yes. [00:42:26] Speaker B: And there was this complete batshit crazy girl who threatened me, called me in the middle of the night. I told Stonewall, do your homework. I need to find out if she's really related to Sylvia and if she's not, I'll be Grandma Show. I was Grandma show that year. That means they couldn't find the documents they were looking for to say that that was her child. Otherwise I would have stepped down. I don't want to be a part of anything that does not look like we can grow at the. Towards the end of. [00:42:57] Speaker A: It's called integrity. But yes. [00:42:59] Speaker B: Yeah, integrity, definitely. At the end of the parade, almost the end, this young woman commented she was going to spit on me. [00:43:10] Speaker A: And this was the one that was claiming that she was Marcus. [00:43:12] Speaker B: Oh, no, Sylvia's chart. [00:43:14] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:43:14] Speaker B: And I thought, well, how ridiculous is this? First of all, this is on television. It's all over the Internet. But then I had people that watch this shit calling me leaders saying, leave my daughter alone. So there's a problem with Stonewall, I think because if you're giving out bricks, you need to know that bricks should be crystal and not a goddamn brick artisan. I don't care. It's a brick. And look up the meaning of a brick in our community, you fools. So the white queer. [00:43:46] Speaker A: Listen, I'm gonna tell you one thing. Anybody hand me a brick, bitch, you better run. Because let me tell you something, I'm not a brick. [00:43:55] Speaker B: It's important. [00:43:56] Speaker A: No. [00:43:57] Speaker B: So you know, I wrote them immediately. I would suggest that y' all get this in crystal nas. You pick it. Brass can still be a brick. Shalski. It could still be a brick, but a brick, an artisan brick. You done lost your mind. [00:44:14] Speaker A: We're in community. But, you know, one thing I saw on the Internet, I don't know who did it, but they just did it for themselves. Just for themselves. They made a purse. A brick into a purse. It. Now, mind you, it don't open. It don't do nothing. [00:44:30] Speaker B: You know where my brick is. [00:44:32] Speaker A: But you know what? I actually want to make a brick that can just sit on my shoulder. [00:44:36] Speaker B: My brick is right behind the door. Because if anybody come to my house, that's unwarranted. Brick. [00:44:41] Speaker A: Got you. You know how to protect yourself. [00:44:43] Speaker B: Also a doorstopper. But why would I ever think that that's beguiling or cute? That's not an award. An award for my community, for me, for my work, is a check. [00:44:55] Speaker A: Okay. [00:44:55] Speaker B: Blow smoke up my ass. [00:44:56] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:44:57] Speaker B: No, I don't need an award. [00:44:59] Speaker A: Are they still giving the girls exposure for. To. To pay groceries with? Because, you know. [00:45:07] Speaker B: No. [00:45:07] Speaker A: When. [00:45:08] Speaker B: They never really did it. [00:45:09] Speaker A: When it comes to the pride celebrations where they have all these corporate people, they have all these just starving all. [00:45:15] Speaker B: Day, that I would have to go to a trans march, a gay march, a pride march, and feed people. My black ass has to feed people because y' all don't come with all the money that goes into corporate pride. Y' all have not thought to make food for free for community. [00:45:34] Speaker A: Exactly. Oh, my goodness. [00:45:35] Speaker B: Shade umbrellas for old people. Try that. Or better yet, don't charge people to be in that faggot ass parade. Try that. [00:45:43] Speaker A: Try that part. Yes. Because you're taking money from the community, the poor. Yes. [00:45:48] Speaker B: Yes. They gonna be all right. They gonna be in Fire island shaking their little Speedos. But the reality is, we're dying on this side. [00:45:58] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:45:59] Speaker B: So how do we protect the integrity of who we are when you only tokenize us one month a year? [00:46:04] Speaker A: You know, I really. I really love what you said when you're pointing out the fact that, you know, money and all these attention is going elsewhere, but feeding the community, taking those resources and feeding. Feeding the community and actually addressing the challenges we are facing right now. Right now, we are up against an onslaught of bills that are trying to criminalize just being trans, like Bill 3381 in Texas. And I hear that you are coming up with a solution to sort of combat this in Rikers Island. Can you tell everybody about that and how we can support Whatever what you're doing so that we can fight this. [00:46:43] Speaker B: So in 2021, we went to Rikers island, me and a group of people, one from Queer Art, I got everybody because they had a whole rally outside of jail for a girl that basically they murdered her. [00:47:00] Speaker A: Yes. [00:47:00] Speaker B: I think I remember Layleen Polanco. [00:47:02] Speaker A: I remember Layleen Polanco. Yes. Yes. [00:47:04] Speaker B: The name of my program is the Layleen Polanco reentry program. And we go once a month and I go with all the bells and whistles people that have linkages to attorneys. So the attorneys get a shout out from us. We want to know about the case. We want to follow them now. So there's a plan for them to get out. All these reentry programs in New York City that's getting billions and billions of dollars. Investors. Take your money back. Here is a poor black trans woman that is going to the jail with resources on how you do this. [00:47:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:42] Speaker B: And that work doesn't happen when they get out. That work starts right there while they in there. So they come home. The resource. [00:47:50] Speaker A: Yes, yes. [00:47:51] Speaker B: They actually have the stack of resources waiting for them. And then we do a volunteer based buddy program. So when they do get out, they have buddies to follow them for a year. That's. That's how you make sure they don't stray, they don't fall to the left. I'm not raising crackheads, dope heads and meth heads. I'm raising better human beings that happen to be trans, that happen to look like me, that happen to look like you, that happen to look like these young men in here. [00:48:18] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:48:18] Speaker B: We cannot let anybody fail. So by me again, another black trans woman. Why? At the. At the head of everything, when the bills are trying to take us down, there's a trans woman behind every movement that has been talk about. Why is that? Because we see things they don't. Maybe it's something in our gender butterflies. But it's something that keeps us focused on changing the world to. To make it brighter. I've had to live integrity my whole life. Please tell me why I gotta live in my adult life. Why would I have. Why wouldn't I create in the name of Lane Polanco that baby? If they would have listened to the doctors to say, don't isolate her, she'd still be here today. But she's gone. She's gone. Her family won't have her, her sisters and brothers won't have her. [00:49:12] Speaker A: Right. [00:49:12] Speaker B: But we have her memory to change other lives in Rikers Island. That's What? I got the 34 rooms for the 34 kitchenettes. I want them to come home. I want to bail out. [00:49:23] Speaker A: So you, you are creating a place that when they come out, they have somewhere to go someplace and they'll have some resources to look. [00:49:30] Speaker B: They got to go to school and. [00:49:32] Speaker A: They have to go. That's a part of the. The agreement. They got to go to school. [00:49:34] Speaker B: If you don't, let me tell you, stay away. [00:49:37] Speaker A: Cayenne, thank you so much for making the most out of the opportunities. That's what this podcast is about, not wasting a single opportunity. As you talk about, you know, our community that has gotten wrapped up in. In drugs and doing other things to remind ourselves that there are people with the range and the capacity to deal with folks at every different level. And baby, if you don't got the range, do what you got the range to do, but don't. But it's okay to set us I a standard. I love that you are proof that it is okay for us as black. [00:50:17] Speaker B: Trans women, because three girls are getting college degrees, masters this year. What we're producing are better peoples that have an education. That's armor. Because I asked you to invest in yourself. That college degree is armor. And I want you to go back after you get that first one. Oh, and taste that second one and then get that third one. Because at the end of the day, we need you to do this for us. My old behind can't do this forever. Who do I turn this legacy over to? [00:50:48] Speaker A: Right? [00:50:48] Speaker B: This is a legacy project. This ain't your legacy housing works. This ain't all the big agencies. This is a legacy project for me to leave to the other kids that can do this with the same mindset that. [00:51:04] Speaker A: But they have to do their work to be ready for this opportunity to come right behind instead of it's. [00:51:09] Speaker B: You'll fail if you're not doing this authentically. And that's why people are failing. [00:51:13] Speaker A: Absolutely. People are seeing all the time. That's right. [00:51:16] Speaker B: And they're failing. You went from owning something to now working for somebody. I went from working for somebody quitting and doing it on my own because I just didn't see the benefit for my community. If you can only help somebody from 9 to 5, what happens at 6 o' clock when that trans girl is being shot? Shot or beat up? What happens at 9 o' clock when she got to hit the stroll and a car hits or she gets murdered? Who's out there for that? So I do this authentically so we can all have A piece of a legacy. This is all of our legacy. [00:51:52] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:51:52] Speaker B: To have society and people. This lady wrote me a lot of her grandchildren. All of them put their money together and sent us like $5,000. And I was like, oh, my God, these are kids. And they're kids with little, tiny little letters. And they were like, thank you. Thank you for what you do. This is what. This is what legacy is. [00:52:12] Speaker A: Well, let me say. Let me say thank you. Let me say thank you. You are a trailblazer. You have carved your own path. You are showing others what it looks like to just find your way and then be able to give back to others and also set a standard while doing. Doing it. [00:52:34] Speaker B: But we stand on the back of our ancestors. And my nieces and my daughters and my sons, I'm. All of them are keeping me up because I'm old. They're keeping me up and they're keeping me guided and focused. We stand on the backs. We do of people that. That carve the way into. [00:52:51] Speaker A: I'll promise you that I will take these shoes off before I stand on your back, though. Okay, sis? I. I buy your. I absolutely adore you. Thank you, Cayenne door show. Happy pride. We celebrate you this prize. [00:53:07] Speaker B: I celebrate you every day. [00:53:09] Speaker A: Thank you so much. [00:53:10] Speaker B: Yes, thank you. [00:53:11] Speaker A: Thank you. We will be right back, y'. All. Well, well, well, well, well, well. [00:53:17] Speaker B: Wow. [00:53:18] Speaker A: I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Cayenne is like her name spicy, honey. She's nice and hot and spicy. Yes, yes. You loved it to ride. It was a great, great, great, great conversation. Thank you all for joining me tonight. I did have someone who text messaged me a question while that was playing. We have Tia from Chicago. Hey, Tia. And Tia asked. Tia's a 19 year old black trans woman. And asked, what are some ways that one can be okay with themselves? How can I be okay with being myself, especially when living among people who are openly against you? And so I asked here, you know, to write just a little bit more detail if she could, so that I could, you know, be as specific as possible with, you know, this advice. And, you know, so she added some clarity in saying that as a black trans woman at 19 years old, she hasn't started hormones, but she does present as a trans woman and feels very blessed to have a strong mind. Tia says she can read rooms like nobody around her, but that it gets lonely at times feeling like she can pick apart so many different things about situations that she's in. Tia says I'm the person that can see things aren't a good idea before it becomes an issue. Many people are not that aware. Tell me about it, sis. She says, it gets difficult for me to navigate when I hear you speak. I can feel you speak. I know we are alike in the way of being very intellectual, and I feel like I mask my feelings to preserve everyone else else's feelings around me. Do you have any advice on navigating life with an intellectual mind without feeling offensive to the world around you? I think I might have the perfect advice for you. Ready for this? All right, so, Tia, here's the. Says, here's the situation. So how does one get comfortable with themselves, with being whoever you are, whether you're trans, whether you're lgbtq, an immigrant, a person, bipoc person, black, indigenous person of color, what, wherever you come from, have disabilities, whatever it is, you know, I think the question is. Is somewhat general in. In the sense of not only how to be okay with yourself. Right. But I learned. I'll say I'll speak for my. My experience for a second here. And also I want to turn off this AC child, because give me two seconds. I'm chilly. I know my gonna pop through this dress. One second child. Just give me. Turn this off. It's cold. Okay. All right. So as I was saying, so here's the situation, and I'm gonna be very, very. Just hear me out here. Listen to everything I'm saying here. Okay? There are experts that we call doctors, you know, who are equipped to help you have an ongoing conversation with your body so that you know what to do specific, what your body specifically needs in order to be healthy. Right. Then we also have experts who, you know, are in the mental health field and who are able to help you to have an understanding of your mind and to also develop practices, whether they be, you know, cognitive practices or whether it's, you know, a mix of medication. But there is someone to help you to specifically understand your mind as someone with, you know, adhd, a little bit on the spectrum or what have you. I can't tell you enough what a blessing it is to finally embrace myself exactly as I am. All of the bells and whistles and kookiness and all of it. And so I mentioned all those different areas because there's one area that we, as trans people typically miss out on, and that is in the spiritual health. So many of us have experienced so much spiritual abuse that comes from religious organization, organized religion, a lot of organized religions have been very abusive towards LGBTQ people and specifically towards trans people. But I want to remind you that just because. Just because these people over here don't understand your value doesn't mean it's. It's not there. And what's unfortunate and sad, because those people don't understand your value and have their own definitions around it. So many times we digest and internalize their ideas and it becomes a poison within us that starts to eat at us and corrode our spirits from the inside out. And so there are so many people who don't understand that just like you have a brain and a body, you also have a spirit and be. Just because this church over here or that place over here, you know, traumatized you with the whole experience and claimed dominion over the whole spiritual world and said they know what's best, that doesn't erase the fact that you still have a battery. Let's say that we are artificial intel, you know, our technology or something. You still have a battery inside you that can have a full charge or that can have a low charge, that can have a positive or a negative charge. And unfortunately, so many of us have been pushed out of all of these places that give us some kind of roadmap, some kind of method to help us increase that energy, to make it more positive than negative so that our spirit serves us and serves the purpose that we're here to do. So I'll tell you this right now. If you don't have a spiritual practice right now, that is the number one thing that you can do to be okay with yourself. It's not about believing in God, if that's what you do. Cool. I'm a Buddhist. We don't do that. I don't. You know, I, you know, it might be God, you know, I just don't use that name. You understand what I'm saying? But so much of the power is the same, you know, we all point to the same sources. So with so many different language, so many different people around the world, you need to find a spiritual practice that works for you. You have to, or else. What I can say at the very least is our spirits are such ethereal and sensitive being spaces that when you encounter other spirits, other energy, you can sometimes take on their energy. If you don't have spiritual defenses, if you don't have certain things that help you put a protection around you, you know, again, Christianity, they know about that protection, right? Y' all talk about protection. My protection is Nam Yoho Renge Kyle. And the reason why I say you need to have this, you must have something that speaks to you. Specifically, and this is why I think that nature and Buddhism is the perfect spiritual practice for LGBTQ people, especially for trans people in a general sense. Most Buddhist practice believe in reincarnation, the cyclical nature of birth, birth, aging, sickness and death. A cycle birth, aging, sickness and death. We just experienced it over and over again. I'm holding up this book unlocking the mysteries of birth and death. This is an OG Real book. This book op blow you away. But to understand the cyclical nature is then to understand that as nature and Buddhists, we believe that we're not practicing so that we can finally get off the wheel and be done with that girl, I don't want to come back. No. As Nichiren Buddhists, we say, girl, who. That ride was fun. That was a little bit scary. That drop was. But I want to get back on. And this time, can I do it as a paraplegic? Can I do it as an immigrant? Can I do it as a trans person? Can I do it as a person with bi as bipolar? Because what I want to do as a Buddhist person, I want to show people that no matter what you have who you are, that you are valuable and that you can create a valuable life and contribute to our society in meaningful ways. And then you get born into this world again. And, you know, the process is a lot going through that. It's a lot. And you kind of forget some things. So the spiritual practice, all these spiritual practice help remind us of those things. It's, it's. It's. It's what they say, that when you hear the truth and know, you know, to be able to hear the truth and know that it's real, you know, it's. It's. So what I can tell you is this how I'm okay with myself, is because this Buddhist practice teaches me that before I was born, it's a little wonky, you know, you don't gotta believe it. But listen, before I was born, I was sitting up there and I said, okay, I'm coming back as a black trans woman, and I' ma show the world love and compassion and beauty and art and music and whatever. And I think I'm a show that, right? And then I get hit with all these challenges. My mama not not accepting me, I get kicked out of this and blah, blah, and I'm like, wait a minute. I thought I came to do all this stuff. And it's that journey to get back on track, to know that you were uniquely made. You are spec Tia. There's nothing about whether you are on hormones or not. Doesn't even matter. Doesn't matter. What I want you to know is that you were made to be specifically you. And this is the kind of choose your own adventure. You get to choose your own adventure at every single moment. No opportunity wasted. And how you not waste these opportunities in your life is you learn how to take responsibility for your life. And you take responsibility for your life by learning how to respond. Don't run away. We're done running away. We're done cowering down. Stand tall, speak up. But what you want to do is always keep yourself safe, right? Buddhism is reason. So with Buddhism and reason, how you apply the practice of Buddhism in a rational and reasonable way is that you apply the concept of time and capacity. Two things. I talk about this a lot on here, and what this means is, okay, time right now, right now. Do I have the time to fully go into this? Do they have the time? We. We. Oh, I'm a little bit over time right now. I see I might not have the time to fully go into more. So I'm gonna give exactly what I have in this bit of time that I have left. And then capacity says, you know what? I might not be in a safe place right now to disclose that I'm trans to do. To say the fool this or free, you know, Palestine or do certain things that might not be the safe thing to do in that moment. So what I do is I take responsibility by having the ability to respond right now. No opportunity wasted. So, no, don't be silent. No, don't run away. But you learn through your Buddhist practice how to take the temperature. And then you know exactly or, you know, you cooking something? Stick your fingernail. Oh, it needs a little bit of this. And so understand your capacity at that moment. You may have tons of energy. You just exercise. You ready? Oh, girl, I got time today. You want to do this? I got time today, and I got the capacity. And the people I'm talking to have the capacity. But sometimes you don't have the time or you don't have the capacity. So you. If the reason why I love Buddhism so much is because it's centered on being a practice, not perfection practice. That means you're gonna have some times when you're not gonna do the best, right? Practice and give yourself the grace. When you do that, when you learn to start doing these things, what people think, other people think, even what you think about yourself sometimes starts to become irrelevant if it's not valuable, if it's not fruitful. So I hope Some of that helps you to, you know. And again, there's. I. There's a Buddhist center in Chicago. I got friends in Chicago that go to the Buddhist center, shout out to the SGI center in the West Loop. I think they're in the West Loop Loop down there in the South Loop or the West Loop. This, I think it's the South Loop. I can't remember, but I love that. Lg that SGI center, we have Courageous Freedom, which is the LGBT group within the Buddhist organization. We have groups that are specific for artists and seniors and veterans and all kind of stuff. So it's a place for everybody. But know that, you know, just like in Christianity, it talks about the lilies of the field, see how they grow and don't toil and all these type of things. They're not worried about how they're perceived. They just grow. So I want you to be able to look at part. Part of being trans is a spiritual. It's a. I believe that whether people know it or not, it is a spiritual journey because you are trying to get people, the world, to see you from the inside out, from what you've always known to what you've learned to manifest. And I want you to not feel less than. If you don't have access and the money to. To access surgeries and this and that and the third, it will come. The thing that is most important is that you learn to love yourself right now. Know that you are a seed. So sure, as trans women, we're a. We're a seed of a beautiful flower, right? That takes time to blossom. Don't rush it. Don't get too, you know, impatient and get that silicone and the extra things in your body. We know better now, so we're going to do better now. And you will blossom into the most beautiful version of you. You'll get to decide where on the spectrum of gender you. You want to reside. That's up to you and nobody else. And when it comes to your people that you choose to love you. However, whether you have surgery or you don't understand that your body is a temple and a place that you invite folks to be in communion with you, to worship the temple that is your body, to respect it, to love it. And if they can't do that, they're not welcome. I hope. I hope that makes sense to you. I hope that makes sense. You better talk to. Now you got me screaming at this tv a call and response coach Bible say that mother. Yes. Yeah. You know, sometimes I'll take y' all to church. You know, it's gonna be a Buddhist one. But, you know, listen, all I. All I'm gonna tell you is this. I ain't. Ain't nothing ever gonna come out my mouth that is going to be in opposition to. To faith itself, you know, whatever that is. It might be in opposition to some political beliefs, some social constructs, right? But at the heart of religion, the heart of what it is to serve, serve it, be a tool of something to serve your spirit. Not to serve a church, not to serve an organization, not to serve man. In Buddhism, we practice for ourselves and for other people. And how we practice for other people is not about preaching to other people and saving them and telling them what's wrong with their lives. It's by showing them what this thing do. I' ma show you with my real life. I don't got to convince you of nothing. I'm living my life. So what I'm gonna show you is that life is not perfect. But when you fall, I'm gonna show you how to smile, even when you're crying, how to experience joy, and how to have absolute happiness instead of relive, instead of relative happiness. Something that's relative, whether to. Whether your skin is doing good today, whether you have a relationship, whether you got a job, what your bank account balance or your credit score looks like. No matter what, I am full of joy and happiness and peace. I have my moments. I get upset. I have anger. I have things. But what we understand is the mutual possession of the ten worlds, which means from hell, to hunger, to animality, to anger, to humanity, to the. To higher and higher levels. No matter what state I'm in, there's always an opportunity to find my way out, to find my way into a higher space in that moment. Sometimes to do that, that means taking a nap. Because you ain't gonna get there no other way. Because your mind is just not trying to do it. You're not trying to hear it. So take. Lay down, girl. Lay down. That's how you win on that moment. That's how you win sometimes is by laying down. And sometimes you win by just making that other choice, if you can. To not wallow in pity, to not choose blame, to see compassion, to assume positive intent. All of these different things. Nerd King says. Yes, Angelica. My spiritual life is key to guiding my intuition. I don't know how I would manage without it. I feel the exact same way. The exact same way. So I hope you all really enjoyed this conversation that I. That we had tonight. Someone Also messaged me asking, will they be renewing Pose for a fourth season? Sweetie, that is done. Pose is done with. If you ain't caught up with the news and all that was going on with that, that is just. There's not going to be another Pose. There are too many factors for that. But who knows what's coming next? You know, instead of asking for that, what I wanted, what I want to say is support independent creators who are creating things like Noah's Ark, you know, black queer stories that, you know, aren't necessarily always green lit by mainstream. I know Ian Patrick Polk has, you know, worked and I think I said his whole name right, but, you know, has worked really hard for a very long time, you know, and hasn't had the red carpet like, you know, thrown out for them. But I will say this, and I'm going to keep reminding of us, us of this very fact. I talk a lot of a big game about certain things, and that's because I have a nasty, nasty faith. Oh, it's good, good old nasty faith. And my faith makes me believe that I can move mountains. My faith has shown me that I can move mountains. My faith has shown me that that mountain that I see in front of me is not, not greater than the strength in me and the courage within me. So I want to leave you all with the hope and understanding that like, no matter what challenge you're going through, I know that things can be hard. I know. He goes, yeah, you're Kojic in the blue. We say like nasty faith. Discussing the potential faith. Yes, exactly. You know, and I, I, you know, listen, I'm, you know, there's so many things about growing up Kojic, you know, and that gospel choir, I love that gospel choir. But you know, just make sure that you find a spiritual practice that speaks to you, that doesn't put you at oppositions with who you are in your nature. You know, there's so many things in Buddhism, so many great beautiful gems. So you can learn about the ten worlds. You can just Google the ten worlds Buddhism and you'll find all kind of information. There's also something called the 10 factors. We have all kind of things but the 10 factors in Buddhism. And so, you know, I probably can't name all of them right off the top of my head of the 10 factors. But what I can tell you is this. How you get to the place of being good with yourself, of loving everything about you, is that you understand that there are, there's, you are multifaceted. There are multiple factors. That play into who you are. There's your appearance. What's on the outside, what can be seen, which can sometimes give away something about our entity, can give you a piece of it. But then the appearance is only the surface. There's also your nature. And when you come to with that factor about nature, what that means is what is natural hold up, not them, because not with them. Conservatives is talking about. No, no, no, no, no. When we talk about the natural order, I'm talking about what is natural to you, like an orchid, like a bird, like a whatever. What's natural for you to do. That's your nature. I'm naturally this feminine and sickening. You know what? I'm naturally this way. The makeup and everything is just extra. You know what I'm saying? That's my nature. What you're seeing right now, come across right now, what you've been seeing, whether I have makeup on or not, is my nature. Y' all get to feel my nature. That, with my appearance, starts to give you a clearer picture of who I am. But that's only two factors. There's a appearance, there's the nature. Then there is the. There's, you know, there's a couple other ones, but we're gonna just start with that. We just look, look time and capacity, right? I'm not gonna go over too much, and that's what I'm going to do, is give you just that little bit of capacity, because I want that to sink in. You are more than just one thing. We are multiple intersections. We are multifaceted people. So let's this week take the opportunity to take a closer look at what's on the surface, on the appearance. What is it showing you? To be honest with you, my skin on the surface sometimes shows me that I'm really stressed out. There are people who ask me in these past couple, you know, weeks, they're like, girl, what is going on with your skin? You know, I have a poker face, but, baby, you know, like India would say, but it's showing all up on your face. You know, it's. It's just. It's going to do what it's going to do. So I couldn't lie to you if I wanted to, that this hurts, that I'm stressed out, that certain things happen, you know, and. And I, again, I have this practice to mitigate those stresses, right? But I'm also human. I'm dealing with some very, very difficult challenges right now. But, baby, the way I'm about to win over the way I am about to slay these challenges. The way my cup is about to runneth over, I'm gonna know it was all worth it. Everything I lost will be given back to me. Everything I lost will be returned to me tenfold. Ashe. Ashe. All right, y', all, thank you so much for hanging out with me today. No opportunity wasted. Have a great, great evening. I'll see you all soon. La.