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[00:00:47] Speaker B: Right? And I. I think that's one thing that made me really excited when you told me that you wanted to run for office, is that you do approach big, complex things in a really accessible way. And it's hard. I think, especially right now, it does feel so overwhelming. You just feel like there's no reason for me to do anything. It's never gonna get fixed. I can't change anything. And I feel like your approach of saying we can make changes internally and externally is something that we're really missing in the political sphere. It's not like a kumbaya. We're all gonna hold hands. We're all in this together. High School Musical 3 is what I always say. But small, incremental changes can result in, like, big, incredible changes. And I feel like that's something that's been really missing in the political sphere. And also, just like, you're normal. You know what I mean? Like, you are kinda.
[00:01:51] Speaker C: I am bad shit, too.
[00:01:53] Speaker B: Yeah, Well, I mean, in the sense that, like, you are exemplary and you're very hardworking, you're very successful. But I literally said this to a friend recently because a friend asked me, who is, like, the. Who is the coolest celebrity that you've met, who's, like, better than you anticipated? And I was like, Angelica Ross, hands down. Because you're so normal and you're so like, oh, Francesca, I see shit's going down on Twitter. Let me DM you, girl. Come over, come over. Let's hang out in the hot tub and drink a glass of champagne. And you could tell me what's going on. And you sent me a text message. And you could just be like, francesca, I love you. Down, girl. I'm so glad that we're, like, building our friendship. Like, it's just an authenticity that is so needed in the political space that.
[00:02:40] Speaker C: You know what? Thank you for saying that. But I want to. I want to even, like, pause there for a second because I really, I really appreciate you saying that because I am trying and I think that we're all trying. And that's one thing again, being, showing the normal side of I'm trying. I'm a normal person and I'm trying, but.
[00:03:08] Speaker B: Right. And we, we miss that because it feels like so many, so many career politicians who have billions of dollars behind them and have been doing this forever and their mom and their dad were in politics and their uncle was in politics and all that stuff. And like, your transparency of like, hey, this is going to be a hard road, but I'm putting in the work and I'm not popping up and doing this tomorrow. I'm saying, I'm here, it's 2024. I have a long road ahead of us. But I'm going to show you that I'm putting in the work and I'm learning and I'm talking to people and I'm not just saying, oh, I want the world to change. You're like, I'm going to step up and I'm going to try and be. That change is so inspiring. Like, we just don't see that. I think that that's. For example, AOC is not perfect, but I feel like that's a big part of why people love her. They were like, oh, she was a normal ass person. That was like, shit has to change. I don't like this. I worked as a waitress, you know, I worked as a bar. Like, I'm a normal person and I'm going to fucking get out there, do it. And it, it feels. I met her when she was campaigning. I met her at a bar in, in New York and she gave me her card and we, you know, followed me on Instagram and Twitter and we stayed friends and it was like, so inspiring to watch her go from normal person to the political sphere and, and, and just talk to people, look in her Instagram and be like, here's what's going on, right? And I feel like you have that same vibe where it's like, you are a real.
[00:04:41] Speaker C: I need to stop cussing so much, though. I do need to stop. Cause they can't bleep me out all the time on live tv. So, like, I don't know, I'm.
[00:04:49] Speaker B: Yeah, you have time. You have time. You definitely have time. But, but even that, right? Even just saying I want to be in politics and I know I gotta, I gotta watch my mouth a little bit. People like that. People like that feeling of. And look, Donald Trump, but like, but Donald Trump's like, I don't give a fuck. People like that people saw that people were like, even though he's wealthy and.
[00:05:18] Speaker C: You know, and the standards are, and the standards and guidelines are completely different for white men, obviously.
[00:05:23] Speaker B: Well, but this idea of like, oh, he's just like us, it wasn't that he's just like them. He's not like politicians and he feels more quote, unquote real and because he's rough around the edges and he just says whatever he wants, right? And it's like that's the one extreme of the spectrum. And I would not advocate for anyone to be like Donald Trump. But in the same space, we need a liberal progressive representative who similarly feels real and just tells it like it is and has and has been a normal person, right? Like not a silver spoon in their mouth, is not well connected, doesn't have a mommy and daddy who can just give them a loan of a million dollars. You are a regular person who has overcome and done a lot to get to where you are in life. And that is inspiring because even still you could totally sit back and be like, cool, I'm done. Like been on tv, been on red carpets. No Celeste, I got celebrity numbers on my phone. And you're like, it's, I want to do more. And that is, we need more of that.
[00:06:29] Speaker C: But can I be real for a second too and say that? Like, you know when you talked about the over being overwhelmed, especially with all of the things that are going on, I have to be real and say that what has been most difficult about all of this is that I don't.
People are so judgmental about business and things that they don't truly know the detail to truly, truly know everything about. But you know, I know as a Buddhist, as a 43 year old adult, I know the consequences of my actions. That's why I do them. You know, I, I, I, I know the consequences of my actions, but also I'm standing on business and I know that that also comes with its consequences and things. So what has been very difficult for me is to try to explain to some of my friends is that I made a conscious choice.
And so the fact that I am the wind beneath my wings right now, the fact that I am the camera person, the sound person, the writer, the video editor, the graphics editor, you know, the fact that, that I stepped away from a system and having to cater to or play towards a system and again, I've been here before creating my own lane and doing those things, but it sounds so much easier than it actually really is, and, and so where I have been struggling is that I am not new to this struggle, but I'm in it and I am in the struggle. And so outside of work, outside of calling for a ceasefire and, you know, doing all this work and educating myself and doing all of the things, I have about this much space for myself in the sense of I, right now, my routine is, thank goodness, is I wake up in the morning, every morning, 5:30 between 5:36am, I feed the dog, I get coffee, I chant and I have my spiritual space.
And then I, you know, have breakfast or whatever. And then, and then usually I start working like kind of pretty early on and, and it's a day, thankfully for me, a mix of going hard and doing what I need to do. But since I'm working for myself and my own boss, I can stop, I can go outside and take a walk with the dog, you know, I can do those things. But I'm the boss and the invoices and the bills are rolling in, I, it's February.
I, I, I, I'm not going tell y'all all my business on him. Well, what I'm, what I'm saying is we all know that the beginning of the year is, always starts off slow and it's tax season. The big jobs, everything start off so whatever. And so again, as a Buddhist, I am so spiritually prepared for this next challenge and space that I'm going into, but I don't know how to.
I'm struggling at making space for other people, for my friends and for things. And so sometimes I've mistakenly used social media as, and I say mistakenly because I think it's a reasonable mistake, but I gravitate towards social media because I know way too many damn people.
[00:10:42] Speaker B: It's hard. You can't be at all places at all times.
[00:10:46] Speaker C: And I know, and I'm telling you, you, I'm like in community with and I know a lot of people from various circles. So for me, social media was this way for me to keep up with what was going on in their lives, to comment and like. And what a lot of people see for me is I share a lot of stuff, even from the genocide stuff or whatever, but I, I, I share and applaud a lot of people that are doing a lot of things because I just, I love that, I think that's what you should do.
[00:11:13] Speaker B: Well, something that I, I haven't done this yet, but I, I'm, you are, you and I are on the same page.
Haven't gotten to catch up in what feels like too long. And what I really want to start doing, and I will put you on my list of people, is I would love to have a regular hangout that's just open to, like, my friends and friends of friends. And it's, like, always on the count. Like, it's like the. The. The final Friday of the month, right? And it's like, anybody who's available should just come. And it's like the same way that at my birthday dinner, my birthday brunch, it was a mix of people, and everybody just ended up like, you run into people that you meet, new friends, whatever.
I need that with my friends. Similarly to you, where it's like, I don't have time to see everybody. I would love to say, here's one place if you want to see me. Come say hello, leave, go, do what else you want. Invite friends that you want. Make it a thing where you're like, I have a friend in town. We'll tell them to come too.
[00:12:12] Speaker C: You know what I mean?
[00:12:13] Speaker B: So that it's just, like, a regular thing. I can't come this month, but maybe I'll come next month.
[00:12:17] Speaker C: I'm about to do the same thing. That's a great idea. Consider it stolen. But I will do it. I will note you all say, Francesca told me about this. And I said, and I'm a, oh, my God.
[00:12:26] Speaker B: Listen, if we could make this a thing, I think that would be great, because I know we're not the only.
[00:12:30] Speaker C: People, because it shifts responsibility, too, if more than one of the friend groups are doing things like that. And so you get to have that opportunity, because I'm telling you, I have felt like shit lately in the sense of, like, I have come out of.
I fully have not. And I will slowly but surely over time, over this podcast, because of the space of I'm opening and creating here. I will share how I've gotten through, and I'm getting through a very challenging time.
But I have friends like you, Kailyn Allen. You know, folks I. Who are. Who are successful, strong, doing their things. And sometimes I get, you know, you'll fall into this space because they are strong and successful and doing.
[00:13:22] Speaker B: I mean, listen, if it makes you feel any better, that's literally what I was crying at therapy about out yesterday. I was like, everyone's crushing it, and it's. And I think, you know, to your point about social media, that makes things harder because you can see what everybody else is doing, and we're not meant for that. We're not supposed to know what everyone is doing at all times, positive or negative, it's just too much. Right? Like, you have to keep up with what's happening in the world. And then your friend got a new dog, and this person got a job. And this person's going through a breakup. And that person's painting and that person's doing whatever, and this person's auditioning, and that person is. It's too much. You're not supposed to know all of that. And then also take time for yourself to get your own shit together. And so, you know, my advice to you would be, what this is. This is also for my parents.
[00:14:17] Speaker C: Cause I also need balance. Cause the reality is, I am in my space doing all this. And I'm pushing myself like I am Miranda Priestly with a deadline. You know what I'm saying?
[00:14:28] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:14:29] Speaker C: But I know I need the balance. And I need to force myself to at least open up. And the thing about my friends, too, there's a. I have a new friend that I've been making here in Atlanta. And with her, while I. And I will. I won't even say. I will say. I won't say her name. Because it's also, like, kind of possibly a little bit more than friends, you know, type situation.
[00:14:49] Speaker B: Fair. Fair.
[00:14:50] Speaker C: And so. But the thing is, is that, like, she wants to show up and do things for me, which is amazing. But I'm in a space where I am the type of person who is not great at letting people do things for me. I have been there for other people. I have done for other people. If I need help, you know, I need help because I rarely ask for it. So, you know, because I don't. I don't. I know how people's general See the thing. What Buddhism has given me is this disconnect from such madness that people. A lot of folks usually sit in. And so a lot of folks do things for each other for ultimate other reasons. For, you know, other than just doing it for those reasons. So I don't want to feel like I'm in the situation, especially as you're building friendships, relationships or whatever, where I.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: Feel you don't want to take advantage. You don't want to take advantage.
[00:15:46] Speaker C: Or I feel like a tally is being made where it's like, oh, I did this. And I'm in a space where my focus is arrested. Because I am trying to figure out my life and my direction and doing my things. And I'm not giving someone the focus. So it's like, how do you snap yourself out of Your own shit to. Because again, I got my routine. I chant, I got my. I have my stuff that does for me, but I still need to engage with my friends and family.
[00:16:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I. So, like I said, I literally had this conversation with my therapist yesterday, and the thing that she was saying that is very helpful is this idea of, like, chunk and chew. Like when you. When you are eating a steak, right, you cut off a little piece of the steak. You don't put the whole steak in your mouth. You cut it up and you take little pieces of it, and then you take a little bit of your side, and then you, you know, you take a little bit of your drink, whatever. And we kind of have to. Or we should feel more comfortable approaching life in that way that we can't do all the things at once. We chunk and chew. And so, you know, maybe something that I've been good about and I haven't done it in a minute, and I've been contemplating doing it is taking a social media break and just being like, this is one thing that I'm going to take off my plate. Making content. Look at what everybody else is doing. Commenting on, everybody, just scrolling through the feed, just, you know, in.
[00:17:12] Speaker C: But how do you also do that if you're. The work that you do is tied to your social media presence?
[00:17:19] Speaker B: Well, you know, that's something that I've worked very hard on to not have my work be tied to my social media presence and that, you know, I quit Twitter for that reason, where I was like, this is not serving me.
[00:17:29] Speaker C: So you don't feel that, though, doing your podcast and things like that requires you to engage on social media?
[00:17:37] Speaker B: Well, my plan would be. Because I haven't taken. I haven't taken a break since I started the podcast.
[00:17:42] Speaker C: But you're saying when you take the. When you take the breaks.
[00:17:45] Speaker B: Yeah, my plan would be to, like, schedule certain things and, like, post and go, which is, you know, I have an assistant who's occasionally posting things on my Twitter. But it's like we have a meeting and I say, hey, I'd like you to post this video. And it's like, post and go. I don't know what's going on over there. Like, people say, everybody's mad about this thing on Twitter. I have no. I don't know. I. I don't know about it. Like, you know, and it. It's a weight off of my shoulders where it's like, I know that this is still a platform that can help bring attention to, for example, black history for real okay, can you po. Can you post it on there? Right? And like, to your point about not asking for people to do things for you, you know, I know that you have people like Kaylin, for example, who would be more than happy to say, yeah, girl, give me the password to your Instagram. I'll post it for you.
Post it and go. Just do it. And, like, get off and don't think about it. You know? And the same way that you make chanting your morning priority, maybe your first morning priority is post the thing and then we're not on Instagram for the rest of the day. Post and go and go. Do whatever else you. And prioritize and say. For me right now, for example, I have the script that I need to rewrite. And so, you know, up on this wall, we got the car. Yeah, for the script is up on this wall. So that when I get up in the morning and I'm drinking my coffee, I can see, oh, these are the things that I need to be working on. And sure, I enjoy making content, but making content is not what pays my bills. This script is about to pay some bills. The podcast pays some bills. So that is the priority. I could share some of those things, but I cannot give all my time and attention to this right now.
And listen, I know it's easier said than done, and it's something that I have worked on throughout the course of my career where I'm like, I'm on a deadline. I'm off by. I just can't be on Instagram for this month because I can't do it, or I'm only going to be on Instagram on the weekends or. Or, you know, I used to be way more active in my comments. I'm like, I just can't do it anymore. I 1. It's taking my time and energy from other things that are important to me. And I think for you, it's like running for office is really important. The podcast is really important. I think you're. Are you still doing trans tech stuff? I think you're talking.
[00:20:23] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:20:24] Speaker B: So it's like, that's really. It's like you make this priority list and it's like, here are the things that are the most important. And then this stuff is on the bottom of. I'm still. You're still doing music. So it's like, maybe I post music on Wednesdays. Maybe I only do podcast stuff on this day. Maybe I just. I just got Calendly. Do you use Calendly?
[00:20:46] Speaker C: I do. I have it, but I. I'M just. Oh, so it's your, it's changing.
[00:20:50] Speaker B: I love it. I love it.
[00:20:52] Speaker C: Okay, so I love it.
[00:20:52] Speaker B: I love it.
[00:20:53] Speaker C: It's insert ad for Calendly.
[00:20:56] Speaker B: Oh, Calendly. Hit me up. Slide them ideas. Absolutely. Would love a brand deal. This is not sponsored.
[00:21:03] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:21:04] Speaker B: What I like about it is that my calendar is on it. And then when my manager says, hey, we would like to have a meeting next week, I send them the link and I go, y'all pick. Y'all pick based on what's available. My friend says, oh, I want to have dinner. I have a special calendar that's like, I can do dinner Thursday night, Friday night or on the weekends. What about a Tuesday? Sorry, I don't do dinner on Tuesdays anymore. I could do Thursday, Friday or the weekend. And I have the calendar set up to say, you know, I go to the gym at 9am My avails don't start till 12 because I'm at the gym at 9 to 10. And then I come home and then I shower and then I walk my dog. And if I'm going to have a meeting, 12pm is the first time I can have a meeting. So, like just giving yourself the. And I know not everyone operates this way. I'm very type A. But because I'm in an industry that I lack control, this level of control helps me that I say, this is when I work, this is when I'm free, this is when I'm social, this is when I, you know, I went on vacation on this day, whatever it might be.
[00:22:19] Speaker C: Listen, you, I, I, I'm telling you, you, you hit on something I think is, I, I know at least it's big for me in the sense that, and I think, I think there's something here for everybody listening for a second.
I think there's something here when it's like when you are in a part of your life where you can't control a lot of some people sometimes the input and output of what is even going on.
[00:22:54] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:55] Speaker C: Find a way. The one thing you can control is yourself, right. And your, and your time and organizing that sort of in a way and, and not having what, what you know, and if you, anybody that study time management and things like that, not having what they would call uninterrupted interactions where it's like, or unscheduled interactions and things like that where you did these things. But the reason why you don't have a hold on your day and your time and your value because you allow people to, whether it's A phone call, whether it's social media, whether it's my mom, you know, whatever, instead of, you know, getting that control. So I definitely. I have that. Actually. I worked with someone, Ronnie Parks. Shout out to Ronnie parks at growth.
GrowthWorks, I think it's called his marketing company. But he worked with me to create what he called a substitution calendar. And so I kind of have my calendar set of what hours I work, what hours are cut off for spiritual practice and different things. But I definitely am going to take a note out of that book to encourage myself, even almost as a goal, like. Almost like a social calendar. Go. Social goal. You know, because I being in the entertainment industry, it was baked in my schedule as far as, oh, you got to be at this red carpet premiere, you're going to this party, or whatever. So I never went out because that was my going out.
[00:24:19] Speaker B: Right.
[00:24:20] Speaker C: So now where I'm not in Hollywood right now, and I'm not just showing up to everything.
I am a homebody with Francesca. Francesca.
[00:24:30] Speaker B: There's a beauty of Elizabeth. I just love being home.
[00:24:33] Speaker C: Francesca, Francesca, let me tell you, you've been in my apartment in Los Angeles.
My bedroom that I'm in right now is the size of my apartment, my bedroom. So I have these three levels. I have a recording studio. I have my dog. I'm across the street from the city. So, like, I'm a homebody. Yeah, I pay. I work hard to pay this mortgage. You know what I'm saying? So I'm not going out. But I realized because I've also been single for an extremely long time.
Like, extremely. It's so much so, that girl. Do you know how happy and comfortable I am?
[00:25:16] Speaker B: But that's. That's what you're supposed to do. I feel like you're supposed to do the work on yourself so that whoever you add into your life is just that they're additive. They're not your whole life. They're not your whole social circle. They're not, you know, your therapist and your business coach and you're all they are, a partner. And that's what they're supposed to be. Somebody that. That adds to your life and enriches your experience.
And so that's what you've been taking this. This time to do. You know, also, this is again, you get in a post therapy for Jessica, right?
If you had me on Monday, you had me on Monday, I would be crying.
[00:25:57] Speaker C: This is. This is me.
[00:25:58] Speaker B: I love.
[00:25:59] Speaker C: Wait, what day is my zone?
[00:26:02] Speaker B: Therapy is every other Thursday.
[00:26:04] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:26:07] Speaker B: Shani got me together.
[00:26:09] Speaker C: Listen Every other Friday, I'm calling you Francesca.
[00:26:15] Speaker B: My girl. What you learned today, not you piggybacking on my therapy sessions.
[00:26:23] Speaker C: Wait, so wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So wait, no, okay, go. No, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
[00:26:28] Speaker B: I was just gonna say shout out to therapy, but also that, you know, this is, this is. This has now become the Angelica Love Fest. You have to just one day at a time. You know, we're not superheroes. We cannot accomplish every single thing that we want to at all times. And I say this for myself too. Like, I'm saying it as much for you and the people listening as for myself. Every day I have to remind myself I can't change the world in one day. I could just do what I can do today.
And even if that's just being on a podcast and speaking affirmative words to somebody I love and care about, that's a ripple effect that changes the world in a very small way. But that's. That's the contribution that I made today. The person who's listening to the podcast right now and going through a hard time and feels overwhelmed with their schedule, and now they're like, you know what? I'm going to chunk and chew. That is the ripple effect that they then go on and pass that to someone else or they put that time and energy into something that is impactful in their community, you know, and so I get it, I get it. You want to see all the people, you want to do all of the things, but the reality is you're doing that just by existing, you know, like you're somebody who.
There are people who never got to see someone like you living their dreams and being successful and loving herself and, you know, being a multi hyphenate, a singer and an actress and a tech person. Like, there are people that are seeing that and going, well, damn, maybe I could do that too. Like, just showing up in many ways is, you know, revolutionary. And I, I often remind myself, especially as black people, especially as black queer people, especially as black women, right? Like the world is always telling us who we're supposed to be and who we can't be. And just by saying, try me, I'll be wet. I'll paint this wall.
I'll do whatever I want.
I got blonde hair, I got blonde eyebrows. I got a nose ring. I have whatever, you know, whatever it might be.
[00:28:49] Speaker C: Well, let me tell you that. Well, that's actually, it's actually, it's so funny because there's just so many poignant, profound things and just small things in ways that we show up or decisions and things that we do. And as a black trans woman who has enjoyed for the most part of my life, CIS assume privilege, where I can go into grocery store, airport, wherever, and they're just like, ma'am, can I help you? Whatever. Nobody's questioning me, asking for my ID or whatever. And you know, also that's on the modest side of saying that. On the other side of saying like, I know I'm a bad bitch. And there's. There's some photos that I've taken, you know where it. Those are the receipts. I have done babitry it, you know, on the things. And so sometimes as a trans woman femme queen, a bad bitch, sometimes we can get trapped in.
In that beauty. We can get trapped in these things that we associate ourselves with, our femininity, with our identity with. And so like as a black trans woman, that how I identified before and now I'm identifying a lot more non binary. But still coming up in the black household, coming up in with the pressing, you know, the pressing comb and all the different things or whatever. Having long straight black hair like I did was an affirmation that I was real.
[00:30:28] Speaker B: Yeah, I was.
[00:30:32] Speaker C: I'm real. Look, touch. Yes, it's mine. And I. Thick gray hair and all this thing or whatever. And I remember being on my live with Vernon Frankois, I think is. How you say his last name, but he's just the hairstylist. Yes, yes, amazing celebrity hairstylist. And he had a conversation with me and I was in tears on this live because I was in a place where I wanted to cut my hair and people were like, oh, what is she going through? She must be going through something cutting her hair. And it wasn't that I was hurt and maybe I was going through a little bit something, but it wasn't, it wasn't that. It was more so that I was getting this message.
I was getting this message that I needed to cut my hair. And I knew I needed to cut my hair, but also I was kind of in. I was. It was emotional because spiritually speaking, sometimes my spirit does these things where it's taking me to places I, I'm not yet ready. Like, I know it spiritually, I get it, but I, as the human person am not quite ready to follow you there. So I don't want to. I know. I love my. You know. Yes, but you think you a bad bitch because of that hair. You think you have your. I know, but you're clinging on to certain things with that hair. And the moment you let go of this, you are going to discover even more about yourself that you did that you didn't know. And again, I loved my hair. I loved that whole situation. But when I cut it, Francesca.
[00:32:18] Speaker B: Oh, lesson. I know when I cut my locks, I had the same thing.
[00:32:22] Speaker C: I mean, the way I met myself all over again.
[00:32:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:32:26] Speaker C: Okay, so can we talk about that? Let me talk about. Let me. And then we gonna go because we've been talking. But. And I gotta figure out a way to. Ed, this. This gonna probably be on part one and two. But like, but.
Cause I. People say you going through something, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But even in the choice and cutting your hair and then the process, growth afterwards is a spiritual process. It does take you through. What did that do for you? What did cutting off your locs do for you?
[00:32:53] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I. I had LOCS for 15 years and I also built like an entire brand around my natural hair, like doing tutorials on YouTube. I was. Was really in that first wave of natural hair styling on YouTube. And I was one of the first, if not the only person doing locs. There was no. You know, I remember meeting Chloe and Halle before they blew up and they, they ran up to me and were like, we watched your videos. You are how we learn how to do our hair. And it was this eye opening moment of like, holy shit. Like, this is really tied to who I am and to your point about cutting your hair and going through things and whatever. For me, I was feeling really stagnant in my career and I was feeling like I had been put into this box where, you know, the social justice box, but I was also in the natural hair box. And I was like, I'm more than that. I'm more than that. You know, And I didn't, I didn't know that. I like, you know, I explored my queer identity when I was in high school and college, but, like, never really, like, got to fully embrace it. And so cutting my hair was also part of that too. Like experimenting with my gender presentation and how I express myself and pushing myself to like, not hide behind this security blanket of sorts. And it really was so eye opening. I don't think I really knew what I was getting into. I was just like, I want to cut my hair. But then I did it and I was like, I felt like I was walking through the world as a new person. Like I was on a new planet, you know, like my.
[00:34:35] Speaker C: You listen, you about to talk me into cutting my hair off again. Like, I'm sitting here looking Right now. And I'm like, you know what? I could go ahead and, go ahead and get rid of this right now.
[00:34:44] Speaker B: Well, and here's. This is me. I'm feeling like Rapunzel right now. This is me with a lot of hair. I, I got a haircut today and I was like, don't cut the top. I want to keep a little bit. I've been wearing it really low. I've been going like real, real bald.
[00:34:57] Speaker C: I wonder if I could go bald. That would be interesting.
[00:34:59] Speaker B: I mean, it, it's, it is.
[00:35:01] Speaker C: But I was close to bald anyway. It was like blonde. It was short. It was great. I loved it.
[00:35:06] Speaker B: It's, it's, it's really nice. And I, I feel like anyone, you know, not everybody is in the, the position to do it, but if you can, I fully recommended. Because to your point, you see yourself so differently and other people see you differently and it forces you to experiment with everything. The way you do your makeup, the clothes. You start looking at your whole closet differently. You're like, I don't wear that. Like, I just feel like, you know, you, you just start playing and giving yourself freedom in ways that you weren't able to or you didn't know you wanted to before.
For me, something that was really interesting because I had locks and they were so long, they were like past my waist. I kind of became invisible to men, to CIS men, which I, which was really interesting. Like, I would walk down the street and like no one would talk to me and I was like, well, this is delightful, girl.
I felt like I was undercover. Like, I was like, oh, the men's not with me no more. But there are, there's a certain type of.
[00:36:18] Speaker C: I was about to say because, because also though it goes, but I think it's a choice, meaning it's the same between me right here, sitting here beat as a dark skinned black woman who is famous number one.
[00:36:34] Speaker B: Right?
[00:36:35] Speaker C: So I know when I take all.
[00:36:36] Speaker B: Of this off, you get a different kind of. It's different attention. Oh yeah, probably. I don't.
[00:36:42] Speaker C: They're not, they're not treating me, I, they're not treating me like, as a dark skinned black woman too. Sometimes I have to be fully pulled together. If I'm not, I know that I call it being incognigro. I know that I can just. That was my friend Fernando Meyer who gave me that. But incog Negro, where it's like I'm just an everyday person. I'm out here, they're not even paying attention to me. But I know when I'm bald and I do at night and I.
[00:37:13] Speaker B: And you beat the face and you have a ring on and you have a. I remember when I cut my hair, my really good girlfriend Delina Medjin, who is a makeup artist and has become a good friend of mine, she gave me a red lip. She was like, this is going to be your best friend. As a bald headed girl, you go, some days you got to put this on and let them fucking know. And it's true. Like there's just, you're like, oh, I got to change my makeup needs to look a certain way. But to your point about the incognito, sometimes it's kind of nice to just.
[00:37:44] Speaker C: Be like, it's very nice.
[00:37:46] Speaker B: Just leave me alone. When I had the locks, it was always sista, sister, queen. Like everywhere I went, people were talking to me and I'm like, leave me alone.
You know, and so it, even that has been really beautiful and just being able to embrace a different side of myself. And I think that everyone should have the freedom to do that. And again, I know not everyone does. It takes a level of confidence, it takes a level of security, right? Like, especially if you're somebody who is exploring your sexuality or maybe is not out in certain aspects of your life, you cut that hair off and people are like, now wait a second, what are you.
Suddenly you get clocked in a way that you weren't before. And for some people that's a safety issue.
[00:38:36] Speaker C: You're not really. But you know, you know, you know what, cutting my hair, what is also clocking me in ways that I did not.
To me, this is me being honest and just like humble and transparent. But like cutting my hair faced me with the reality that I didn't know how much I was. I didn't know there were still parts of myself that I was running from.
And as a trans woman who has come into my womanhood in a radical way, I am very thankful for non binary folks who have helped me to decolonize my understanding of gender and all these different things because I was so scared of, for so much of my life being called a man.
I've had that thrown at me a few times, you know, and it's not fun, but.
And so, you know, a lot of my presentation over, a lot of my life has been hyper feminine and you know, but later on in these, you know, most recent, obviously years or whatever, it's been different. But what I realized is even with dating women now as well, I typically used to only date masculine of centered women, you know, because they continue to feel. Feed my fantasy, you know, of my gender presentation. And, you know, this whole process has been like, just really peeling back all this for me to understand that, like, I've been running away from myself in a way that I'm strong. I'm a strong person and a strong woman. And I'm so scared sometimes of that being read as masculine. And. And so when I don't have my hair to hide behind or I don't have certain things, you know, it makes me feel vulnerable. But what has queered me out all the way out is to understand my attraction towards strength and the type of strength that I have and I'm attracted to. For me personally, I've rarely seen in men the type of strength I know I've mostly seen in women. And so then I take the reflection of what that is to myself and take the association of masculinity or whatever out of the reflection of strength and then get to see myself. And when I then start to see myself and even next to some of the women that I'm dating, I realized from the outside looking in, it look like I'm the.
I'm the butch girlfriend or I'm the.
And I. And I'm not, you know, and that's not where I live or whatever, but it's like when you actually step away from trying to live up to a label, perception, a style, a role or whatever and just be who you are.
Like, that's where I'm getting to at a place right now where I'm not allowing myself or anyone else to judge my femininity or my identity as period, and just say, I deserve to be loved.
[00:41:51] Speaker B: No, I love that for you. It's incredibly beautiful and I'm glad that I've been able to bear witness to it and be in your orbit as it's happening.
I feel very honored.
[00:42:03] Speaker C: Well, listen, we have talked a whole hour and a half.
[00:42:07] Speaker B: I know, I know.
[00:42:08] Speaker C: That's because. So those that are listening, and hopefully I will figure out a way and I'll chat this up. But those that are listening, you're listening to two friends who haven't caught up, like, via phone or like video in a minute. Like, we were just hanging out, you know, back in la, Come back to la.
[00:42:26] Speaker B: We missed.
[00:42:26] Speaker C: But the months have passed, you know, so I gotta. For me, I. I've been doing this thing where I'm like, okay, I'm being very frugal and I'm like, when I have a reason to be in la. Even though I'm paying rent still in my apartment in la, you know, when I have a reason to be there and work and whatever, I'll go. But at the same time, you know, it's like, you know what that I got frequent flyer miles, I got things I could just hop on the plane always.
[00:42:47] Speaker B: I'm just a FaceTime away. And I'm exactly always. I'm always happy to get to share space with you in the physical realm, in the digital realm, in the audio realm. All of those are welcome and appreciated. So I love you.
[00:43:03] Speaker C: I miss you so much. I can't wait to see you in person again.
[00:43:07] Speaker B: I know, I know. Well, this was so fun.
[00:43:11] Speaker C: This was very fun. And just know that I am going to be, you know, because this is a way that I can continue to kind of stay tapped into your energy. Is the like when you have your podcast, like, let me fix it. Because at least you're being silly and just, you know, fun in ways that aren't serious. So I still feel like I get to participate in the energy. So thank you for doing that podcast.
[00:43:32] Speaker B: Well, congrats. Yes. Thank you so much and congratulations on this show. I'm so proud of you. I'm so excited for all the wonderful doors that I know it's going to open and to just continue watching your journey as you, like, embark on this next chapter of your career. It's. It's really inspiring. I'm genuinely so proud of you.
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