[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to now no Opportunity Wasted. I'm your host, Angelica Ross. Today is Monday, March 3rd, and as always, we're going to start things off with a passage from Buddhism. Day By Day Wisdom for Modern Life by Daisaku Ikeda Quote it all comes down to you. I hope you won't rely on others or wait for them to do something. Try to develop such a strong sense of responsibility that you can stand up to the fiercest storms, confidently proclaiming, I'll do it. Just watch me, please. Confront reality. Look at it squarely in the face and with guts, wisdom and strength. Challenge everything that lies ahead of you. End quote.
These words couldn't be more fitting for where we are right now, both in the world and in my personal journey. There have been a lot of storms, there have been a lot of challenges, but I'm still here.
And as I return to no Opportunity Wasted, I'm going to bring all of that experience, all of the growth and all of that fire into a new season.
It's been a year since I recorded today's interview, and in that time I've learned so much. Not just about the technical side of podcasting, but also about how to navigate this current political climate while also staying true to my voice.
Some things I did well, and some things, let's just say, lessons were learned. And that's why for the next few episodes, I'm letting go of perfection and just sharing the unreleased interviews. The good, the bad, and yes, even the ugly. Because in this moment, authenticity matters more than polish. And if you're looking for the unfiltered behind the scene version of my thoughts and my insights, I need you to understand you won't always find that here, but you will find it in the Winner's Circle, my free online community where every month I go live with members for an unfiltered conversation where we cut through all the noise. We share real talk and support each other's growth.
Now, speaking of transformation, listen, I am beyond excited to introduce my upcoming class, Like a Butterfly, a masterclass on transforming your life. It's my blueprint for how I navigate change and how you can step into your power. Winner Circle members will get exclusive access for free, and YouTube members can access at the 999 level and up, and you'll also be able to take the course. But before we dive into today's interview, I want to introduce a brand new segment. Try a little something out now. Make it make sense. Because in today's political climate, it's a lot of noise, a lot of distractions and a whole lot of folks trying to rewrite reality. That's why I'm bringing in my guest, former Georgia State representative Renita Shannon. Excuse me, Renita Shannon, to break down the latest headlines and to get to the truth. So let's get into it.
[00:03:27] Speaker B: Welcome back, everybody, to now. No opportunity wasted. I'm your host, Angelica Ross. And right now we're about to break through the political noise and get straight to the truth. I want to introduce a new segment that will hopefully be recurring called Now Make It Make Sense where we go through the headlines, the political spin and all the mess and ask the question now, does this make sense? And today to help me sort through all the madness, I've got my friend and former Georgia House representative, grassroots powerhouse and my go to when I'm trying to decode all the politics. Renita Shannon, welcome to the show. Renita Shannon, welcome back.
[00:04:11] Speaker C: What's up? What's up?
So I thank you for being here.
[00:04:16] Speaker B: So, Renita, like the people might not know, but not only are we friends, but you know, you who are go to and consult with when I'm trying to really understand what is going on, especially because I'm looking, you know, to get into the arena of politics. It's circus arena for sure.
[00:04:36] Speaker C: For sure.
[00:04:36] Speaker B: But, you know, I've always seen you breaking down the things, whether you're breaking it down at the house or breaking it down on Roland Martin. So thank you for being here with me to help me break all these things down. So I want to start breaking down. Okay. So some of the things in the headlines, obviously the headlines are Trump, Trump. Trump. Trump. Trump.
[00:04:54] Speaker D: Trump.
[00:04:54] Speaker B: Trump, Trump. But I just feel like I knew he was lying. But I just feel like white people right now or the people that voted for him are feeling like I don't know what happened. And he's like he's broken his promises. And I'm like, well, he's broken some of his promises, right? Because some of them he is fully following through on that were in line with Project 2025. So let's kind of break through. What are the promises that he kept and what are the promises that he's breaking? Like, okay, inflation. Now I thought he told all of us the eggs and bread and all that was going to come down.
[00:05:32] Speaker C: Right. So you are pulling out the receipts. He did. He campaigned and said that he was going to cut inflation on day one of him being in office. He said that eventually he would cut inflation by 50%. Obviously none of that has happened. Eggs are up, gas is up. And I think it's really important to look at those two things, eggs and gas, because eggs are in pretty much anything that we eat. Any food you consume in a restaurant usually is going to have eggs in it. And it's a good kind of measure of, like, where things are for the public, looking at what you're paying for eggs and then, of course, gas for your vehicle, gas for shipping, just all types of things. Both of them have gone up since he took office. So, like you said, is a lot of folks like what happened and it's happening.
[00:06:14] Speaker B: But my thing is, is that he said those things. And I guess this is my thing with politicians anyways, they say things. But my question is always, how right was he? Like, do you even know? Did he have a plan on how or how would he even get to that, that people would even believe that that's possible when we're already talking about. And they were already talking about tax cuts for the rich.
[00:06:39] Speaker C: Right. So to your point, why would people believe that he was going to do anything that he said he was going to do? It's something that I like to talk about a lot, which is there are still too many people who think that the white man's ice is col. And it's not.
[00:06:51] Speaker B: Wait, so can you break that saying down? What does that mean?
[00:06:53] Speaker C: So what that means is people have this inherent trust looking at him saying, oh, well, he was a businessman. So all these things that he's promising that he's going to cut inflation, all of that, I know that he's going to do it, but nobody pays attention to how he ran his businesses before he was in office. And lack of experience.
[00:07:10] Speaker B: That's what I was saying. Like my. I just. Wait, okay, so we know that Trump is infamous for not paying his bills, right? For leaving people high and dry, for not, like, having bad relationships with contractors. I think he's done bankruptcy a couple times as well. No, he has. So I understand. In business, because I'm an entrepreneur, too. I understand sometimes you do have to swing big, you know, to do this in business. But only people like him, like the white man's eyes, you said only people like them get that many opportunities to go bankrupt and to lose your money. Your money.
[00:07:51] Speaker C: Absolutely. It's like he's trying to get the rest of us to experience bankruptcy like he did. And for me, that's a hard pass. That's a hard pass.
[00:07:58] Speaker E: I've never.
[00:07:58] Speaker C: I haven't done bankruptcy.
[00:08:00] Speaker B: I'm not trying to experience that. So that's a no for me.
[00:08:04] Speaker C: But these, the prices of inflation and how inflation has gone up since he's taken office feels like that's what he's trying to drive the entire country towards.
[00:08:11] Speaker B: Everything, everything is so high price. And not to mention you, we're, we're in a losing battle. I feel like it's a class war, really, because not only are prices going up, but then you have corporations who want to participate in like, dynamic pricing so that when you go to the grocery store, the price is different depending on who's buying it.
[00:08:31] Speaker C: Right. A lot of corporations are trying to institute using AI so that they can sort of do pricing that, you know, they can change it at Liberty. And it's very, very scary. And so that's why, you know, having Trump in office is like, this is type of person who's not going to protect us.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: But do people realize he's the one? Do they? Because he loves to pass the buck and take responsibility for things that he didn't do do. Are they going to really realize this is his fault, this is his responsibility right now, or do you think he's going to continue to blame it on the administration before and all of that?
[00:09:03] Speaker C: So, and it's so funny you bring that up because that is what he has been doing when anybody asks him about why inflation is up. And you said you were going to cut it on day one. Just getting a lot of, well, you see what had happened was from him and it's like, no, that's not what you promised. That's not what you campaigned on. And we want results.
[00:09:20] Speaker B: So, okay, so inflation's up. You see people putting stickers. I saw a video, you know, people putting stickers on prices in the grocery store. They didn't know that Trump did that. You want to take credit for something, take credit for them. Inflation, prices. So, okay, so that's one thing that he broke his promise on, but I feel like he's actually kept his promise on a lot of things that he was saying. But also really that that Project 2025 was really underlining, even though he was trying to separate himself from the authors of it. That's pretty much who he's put in his cabinet. That's pretty much we surround and that is the game plan that seems to be happening. My problem issue with following through on all of this is something feels off to me with the fact that we. It's like a villain in TV shows who ties someone up and stands there the whole time telling you their whole plan while you're getting loose out the Things, except we wasn't doing nothing. While they said this was going to be the plan for all this time, people kept asking, even during the election, then what will be your, not just your response to what's your response to Project 2025? Because we know this is not just something that's going to be enacted if and when Trump wins, but it's something that was already being put into Place.
Project 2025 has already been put into place.
[00:10:48] Speaker C: Oh, for sure. And like if you look back to what Republicans were saying even in the 80s, back to Ronald Reagan, a lot of the stuff in Project 2025 is what Republicans have been saying for so long. So it should not have been a surprise to anybody. But to your point, there were roughly about 10 states that were in Georgia's one of them. There were roughly about 10 states that were already technically living under Project 2025 already, because most of the things in Project 2025 had already been accomplished in certain states.
[00:11:15] Speaker B: Now, let me ask you this about Project 2025 when it comes to police reform, because I'm about defund the police. But some of y'all can't handle that language. You can only handle it when they're defunding the Education Department. That's why these kids is walking around, can't read and add together. But that's another conversation with police reform.
First of all, I don't even think police reform is possible, but I know Trump seems to be, want to be a friend to the police and more policing.
So much so that he has deleted a database. Can you, like, y'all may not know about this or when this had happened, but they basically a database existed that was keeping track of police officers who were, you know, had bad, I guess a bad record or stuff on their record, what have you, so that we could know, so that they just didn't get fired and go to another police. What, who, who enacted this? How did this get started?
Obviously we need it.
And then, you know, what's the name of it? And now that it's being, I guess, deleted, are we now having to start from scratch?
[00:12:29] Speaker C: So this is what happened. Let's just start, let's just summarize it with Trump is a flip flopper. And he's always been a liar and a flip flopper. So the people who believe him, I just don't understand why they believe anything he says. But this is how this basically started in 2020 after George Floyd was murdered by police. You remember there was also a presidential election that year and Trump was running and he mentioned that there should be a database that keeps track of police officers that have been fired for misconduct.
[00:12:58] Speaker B: Trump, as well as he did, but.
[00:13:00] Speaker C: It was not a new idea. In fact, I remember serving in the Georgia House of Representatives, I sponsored a bill that said part of it it was for police reform, and part of it was to set up a database that would track bad cops. And at that time, when I sponsored that bill, I remember there was no database in place, neither at the state level or the federal level. So this was a very new thing. But Trump said it while campaigning in 2020, that he thought it was a good to have a database that would track cops who have been fired for misconduct and also cops who had committed crimes and been convicted, like, outside of their professional duty. And to make sure DOJ hold this database. And that would ensure that a bad cop can't get fired from one police department and then just go the next county over, which.
[00:13:44] Speaker B: That happens all the time.
[00:13:45] Speaker C: Exactly. And was always happening. So in 2020 was when the database actually came up. Now, he just said he agreed with it. He was. It's important to note he was not the person who originally came up with this idea. Many folks were saying that this needed to exist, including myself.
[00:13:59] Speaker F: Right.
[00:13:59] Speaker C: The point is, is that now, since he's taken office, he instructed the DOJ to delete this database. So it's only been around for a handful of years. He now has instructed the DoJ to delete it, and the database has now been deleted. So we've lost the information.
[00:14:12] Speaker B: Okay, so this is my. This is my thinking, okay? Because as a tech girl, you know, cyber security, you want to, you know, make sure that, like, we have the CIA, not the government CIA, but the tech CIA. And the tech CIA is just making sure with cyber security that you have confidentiality. There's an integrity to the system and the data, and it's accessible.
Sounds like not only is data not going to be accessible to us anymore.
[00:14:43] Speaker E: As far as the police stuff, but the integrity of the accuracy of data.
[00:14:49] Speaker B: Is going to be in question, especially now that Elon has gone into all of our stuff and has access to records with interns and things like that and all this stuff. So my question is, this is one of the worst nightmares I have ever been a part of. And I'm wondering, aren't we in a situation where we can just. We have a backup that we can just. Okay, the government is backed up on a hard drive somewhere. We can just plug it back up once this D. Idiot is out of the office in four years and just get it back running up like it was.
[00:15:20] Speaker C: It's unlikely because with him telling the DOJ to delete this database, I'm sure that would include any backups. Now, the one saving grace is I'm hoping that there were activists who were pos. This database was public, so it's public facing, so that meant anybody in the public could see it. So I'm hoping that activists, or even that one website, the Wayback Machine, that keeps track of websites that have been deleted, I'm hoping that they have a backup of the information. But to your point, anything that's not, like, officially kept and managed by government is going to be kind of suspect as far as, like, if the information is accurate. So it looks like we'll probably be in a situation where we will probably largely have to start over. But to your point, also, we're waiting for Trump to not be in office to restart this project of making sure that bad cops don't pop from county to county. But what happens all this, these four years that he's in office, these bad cops are going to be jumping from county to county after they have, you know, been.
[00:16:15] Speaker B: And not to mention, not to mention, he also promised people, don't worry about.
[00:16:22] Speaker E: It, you're not gonna have to vote no more.
[00:16:28] Speaker B: And he's trying to set himself as, set himself up as king of this country, which I think, though none of the lot like you, I think you were telling me before, like, a lot of these white corporate folks see themselves as king. So I don't think they want that idiot being king. But not only is he.
I think he's following through when he says you won't have to vote again with this same act. Like this is part going to that. Can you explain to the people with this SAVE act, it sounds like it's something good, like Superman gonna come and save us. No, that ain't gonna happen. Ain't nobody coming to save us.
[00:17:04] Speaker C: It's definitely not anything good. In fact, I would summarize the SAVE act as mostly just saving white supremacy and patriarchy because the SAVE act is a bill that's actually passed through the House already passed in 2024 in the House Representatives. And it's a bill that's being moved by Republicans. It's getting revived again. But essentially what it does is it removes any sort of automatic voter registration processes. So, like right now, for example, in the state of Georgia and in many states, if you go and get a driver's license, they will automatically register you to vote. So there's a lot of like automatic voter registration that happens. So it gets rid of any type of automatic voter registration. And what it says is that if you want to vote or change your address or anything with, with voting, you have to show up in person at like the Secretary of State's office. You have to show up in person and present documents that prove that you are a U.S. citizen. And here's where it gets tricky. So in order to prove that you're a US citizen, you would have to have your current ID match what is on your birth certificate.
[00:18:05] Speaker B: So that is the qualification of proof of citizenship is having an ID match.
[00:18:15] Speaker C: Your birth certificate, certain types of IDs and what's even triggered. So like if you have a passport then fine, you, you can use that to prove that you're a U.S. citizen. But in order to, what you would not be able to do the way that we currently have things is you can just use your regular state issue driver's license to be able to register if the same act passes. You would not be able to use that. You have to take your state ID or some type of picture ID that's been issued by the government and then bring your birth certificate as well to show that you were born in the us.
[00:18:43] Speaker B: Now mind you, now you're saying birth certificate.
I need you all to hear me on this. We're talking about you're going to have to bring your birth certificate and your id. And you know who that's going to mess up?
Not just trans people, not just me in the fact that they won't let me change the name, they won't let me change the gender marker or the name on my birth certificate. So that will be different than the name and the gender marker on my id. So that could, if the say back passes, that could give me trouble when it comes to voting because it ain't just me and trans people.
[00:19:23] Speaker E: Who else does it hurt?
[00:19:24] Speaker C: It's most so, and this is the thing that I really want to point out, like to your point and drive home what they're saying is that it has to be the same name. So if so There are roughly 69 million married women in the country. It's largely going to affect married women because they generally by tradition will take their husband's name. And so that's not going to be the same as what was on their original birth certificate. It also, you know, I just know like in the black community a lot of times government will get our names wrong. My middle name is Sean Bay, the Social Security is the birth certificate is different.
[00:19:54] Speaker B: Didn't they spell Beyonce name wrong on her? Did they say Beyonce or something? You are right.
[00:19:58] Speaker C: Yes, they did. They. And so, yeah, like, it is really just something that is going to affect a lot of folks. And so some people are saying, well, you just get a passport. It's like, well, passport is $200. Not to mention we're already dealing with inflation, so.
[00:20:13] Speaker B: And not to mention, that's another thing that might be a roadblock for me because my passport expires in October.
[00:20:20] Speaker C: Right.
[00:20:21] Speaker B: And right now they're saying, basically, they not given trans people passports. You better hold on to the one you got and hope it don't expire during Trump's presidency. Because I've heard so many stories of people either turning in their passports and not being able to get one back. Hunter Schaefer just went to the public and basically said that they turned her passport back to mail. And what they don't understand is when you're an international star like Hunter or myself, and we're traveling a lot, you're now putting us in danger. When I have to show a passport in another country that reveals a different gender. What.
And what it comes down to for me with this, and this is why I'm so upset about all of this, but it is what it is, because I'm an OG girl. But what it is is y'all keep trying to go with this narrative, thinking that trans women are out here tricking y'all, that we have any investment in value in deceiving the world. The only thing we want to do is be able to leave our houses, go to our jobs, and get home safely without being harassed, killed, or otherwise. That's what we want. But they think that we're doing this as a deception thing. So what has been just so annoying for me is that they want me to wear a sign on my forehead that says trans woman walking trance so that everybody can choose to treat me like shit from the door.
[00:21:51] Speaker F: Right?
[00:21:52] Speaker C: It's like making trans folks wear a scarlet letter.
[00:21:55] Speaker B: That's. That's what they want us to do. So that it hopefully discourages you to not want to, you know, to step out into everyday public life. That's what I think they're trying to do, is to make us scared and discourage us from being out in public. But guess what, baby, that's never going to work. Trans people are never going anywhere. We're always going to be here. So just know that I've been, and my ancestors have been on the side of the Law where our lives were considered to be illegal or criminalized. This ain't my first time, so let's go. It is what it's going to be. And we're just going to have to fight for our rights. Like, literally, we're going to have to fight for our rights.
[00:22:42] Speaker C: Yeah. And the way that it looks like us fighting against what this administration is trying to do is going to look very different than how it has in the past. Already. You see that folks have really taken to using their wallet to vote in the way of boycott. The boycotting that has going is going on with Target and all the anti DEI initiative stuff is like, people are finding creative ways to say, we are not going to take this, and this is not what we want to see in the country. So everybody needs to gear up and get ready.
[00:23:09] Speaker B: But I think one of our biggest fights, to be honest, is going to.
[00:23:13] Speaker E: Be with ourselves and convenience.
[00:23:15] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:23:16] Speaker B: Because I think that capitalism is all about selling us convenience and selling us comfort, and folks are going to have to get uncomfortable and be inconvenienced.
[00:23:26] Speaker C: And that's a fight that we have. That's something that we've experienced before. Because when you look at, like, the Montgomery bus boycott, that was like, the main speech was like, listen, this is about to be real uncomfortable for everyone.
[00:23:36] Speaker B: I mean, it sounds cute. It sounds cute. Yeah. But do that entail walking tour?
[00:23:41] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:23:42] Speaker B: Right.
[00:23:42] Speaker C: Walking to work, sharing cars, doing a lot of things that you don't want to do. And so we've seen it before, we've dealt with it before. And I hope everybody's ready.
[00:23:51] Speaker E: I'm ready. Well, Hope you guys are all ready.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: We will be right back with my interview with Hope Giselle. I'm going to say that one more time just in case that's not right after, but, well, I will be ready. You gonna be ready?
[00:24:04] Speaker C: Listen, I stay ready so I don't have to get ready.
[00:24:07] Speaker B: I heard that. Well, I hope y'all are ready, and we will be right back.
[00:24:11] Speaker A: All right, so now it's time for today's conversation. This episode is called All About Hope and Grace. And if you know, you know, my guest today is someone who has been a part of my journey for a long time. We've had our agreements and our disagreements, but through it all, we've shared respect, or at least that's my understanding. Take a listen to my conversation with Hope Giselle Godi.
[00:24:43] Speaker E: Now, today, I have one of my sisters in the movements, kind of someone I consider a daughter. You know, I mean, I don't think I'm that much older than her, but I still consider her a bit of a daughter.
Someone who I have watched grow in this movement, take up space, create their own organization. Organization, and then branch out into so many different things because everybody wants a little bit of hope. So please welcome to our podcast, Hope Giselle.
[00:25:14] Speaker F: Hey, girl.
[00:25:15] Speaker E: It's good to see you in person. After, like, it's been a. Wait, when was the last time I seen you in person?
[00:25:20] Speaker F: Lord.
[00:25:21] Speaker E: Oh, wait, where was it? It was. It was something else.
[00:25:23] Speaker F: I was speaking. No, no, I can't even feel like it was la. Somewhere in la.
[00:25:28] Speaker E: It was somewhere in la, yeah. Was it the Black.
[00:25:31] Speaker F: The Black Queer Summit? The Black Summit, yeah.
[00:25:34] Speaker E: One thing I like about you, Hope, is that you always know where to show up.
[00:25:38] Speaker F: Okay.
[00:25:39] Speaker E: And when to show up. And it's so funny to me because when we were doing the Trans Day of Visibility with ncte, of course I knew you were going to be there, you know, and I'm looking and I see you there. Andrea Jenkins. You know, a lot of folks, folks from the Trans Latino Coalition, Monica, Beverly Hills, like, just so many folks from the movement, but I felt like there could have been more of us, you know, showing up there and just meaning, like, I think a lot of times people think. This is where I'm going with my first sort of topic here. I think that sometimes people think, because as black trans women, we know how.
[00:26:19] Speaker F: To pull it together.
[00:26:21] Speaker E: Together. We know how to pull it together so well that people think sometimes that we have more than we do.
[00:26:27] Speaker F: Absolutely.
[00:26:27] Speaker E: But like we say, you don't have to look like what you've been through.
[00:26:30] Speaker F: You know, I never will.
[00:26:31] Speaker E: And. Right. And sometimes. So people think, like when we were at the Black Queer Creative Summit, you know, I remember when they first were telling me about it, I knew that it was an important moment for us being acknowledged as black queer creators by glaad, being giving the space. And they were paying for a lot of the creators to be there. Their travel, their hotel, tell everything. So when they asked me to be there and I told them what my fee was, and they was like, well, we do respect you and we love you, but this is a particular type of event that we're actually not paying anyone. And we want all of you creators to come together on all levels and, you know, we hope that you see the value in being in the space. I said, of course I do. And so of course I was going to be there. And of course I saw you there as well, but I Think a lot of people weren't there because they didn't get a check to be there. You know what I'm saying? They wanted to after the fact, when they saw how amazing.
[00:27:22] Speaker F: How amazing it was.
[00:27:24] Speaker E: Yes, but talk to me about. Because I know, you know about the challenge of showing up when you're not being paid all the time.
[00:27:37] Speaker F: There's a huge challenge in that. And I think that it goes back to what you said about the idea of assumptions. People look at you on social media, they see that things that you have, they see the things that they think that you have. Right. In order to pull it together. Because people don't pay attention to people who they don't envy, who they don't want to be, who they don't idolize. And so there are some of us who go the extra mile to give y'all that image. But in that sometimes It's a course 22 and it's that double edged sword where in order for you to pay attention, I have to look like somebody. But then because you think I'm somebody, there's this idea that, oh, she has these and she has that and she has X, Y and Z. So when you do show up to these spaces and you show up for free, or when people ask you to come for free, sometimes they think that it doesn't hurt your pockets. They think that it doesn't hit you financially. And it's like, no, this is my.
[00:28:22] Speaker E: Donation to the community.
[00:28:24] Speaker F: This is literally my donation to community. This is because I love this work.
[00:28:27] Speaker E: This hair, makeup, travel, wardrobe, my time. I could have been doing something else. Like it being meaning, like it's not that I don't want to be here, but it's a, literally a thing of. You see value in who we are and what we add to the movement. So show us that value if you want us to come forward. Now, we always understand, especially when it comes to black trans, that organizations there are many times I will volunteer because of the work, because of the work, because the budget. I just can't. I can only do that oh so many times, you know, or else I, I won't have anything to go from there. But you know, I've gotten to a place where I hate that I keep kind of referring to him, but it just be. He just. I don't listen, y'all listen.
Y'all know I am against all forms of anti Semitism and all of that, hands down. Seriously. I'm just saying on other topics, sometimes I, I can remember some things that folks said, you Know what I'm saying?
[00:29:27] Speaker F: Absolutely.
[00:29:27] Speaker E: Like, like Kanye west, that there's two things that I kind of have learned from Kanye. And you know, we can't just throw everybody fully away all the time. He is doing some wild stuff, you understand what I'm saying? And needs accountability and all different things. But one of the things I learned from one of his rap lyrics is even when the money low, you can't pay me, number one. Meaning what that means is even if I don't have whatever, I go where I want to go. I go where I feel value.
So. But even if I'm broke, Caitlyn Jenner, you could never pay me to show up to any of your functions. I know you wouldn't want to, cuz, you know it's on site, but I'm just saying all money's not good. The other thing that I learned is that dudes, I'll say not even Kanye, dudes in general show up to a mainstream interview in a sweatsuit.
[00:30:26] Speaker F: Come on.
[00:30:28] Speaker E: And just like, whatever. So I'm like, you know what?
I'm a feminist. I'm gonna be in my Steve Jobs era a little bit. You know what I'm saying? And I have gotten to a place where. And part of the reason I've done this is because cisgender women sometimes, especially those turfy ones, they try to invalidate our womanhood based on the way we.
[00:30:52] Speaker F: Show up, as if they don't do the same exact thing. But it's a, it's a target for us to show up and be pulled together. But for them it's like, oh, are you not a woman if you don't have on your makeup? Are you not a woman if you don't do okay, no problem. So when I take it off and I still give that the same way I gave that when I was on over there on foxhole. And Dr. Umar calls me a beautiful black queen with nothing.
[00:31:12] Speaker E: Until he didn't know.
[00:31:13] Speaker F: Until he didn't know.
[00:31:14] Speaker E: Like, so did I didn't see that. So wait, so let's talk about that for a second. Let's talk about this for a second.
You do things and show up places.
[00:31:27] Speaker F: Come on.
[00:31:30] Speaker E: I need to, I need to be more courageous and I need to take a note out of your page. And I will say this because as a Buddhist, I practice so that my Buddha nature is on deck always to give the response that's needed. So it don't matter what environment I'm in, it's just that sometimes I know the reality is that Candy Ferocity is a real person that lives deep down inside.
[00:31:55] Speaker F: And we'll come up out of there.
[00:31:56] Speaker E: And we'll come up out of. If I'm at the Breakfast Club and somewhere and they get on the wrong page, I don't trust myself. I'm working on it because, you know, I'm trying to get presidential, but, you know, I'm working on it. And. But how, how do you go into these spaces knowing it's about to be one, Knowing that even when they smiling in your face and saying it's gonna be a great conversation that they got something up their sleeve? How are you prepared for those conversations?
[00:32:26] Speaker F: Because I know exactly what the I'm talking about when I go into those rooms. I don't go into those rooms unprepared. The same way that they have their thought process down pack. I, I know who I am and I know where I sit. And I also understand that your talking points have never changed and never shifted. And some people might call it respectability, call it what you want to call it, but my life is not set up the way that most people's. And especially trans, Black, Black, trans women's lives are set up. So you can't use the man in a way going to be. Most of the time, because most of the time I'm locked up, I'm naturaled up, so you can't use that. Most of the time I don't have on 50 pounds of makeup. I do that for outings and shows. And so you can't say, oh, well, you wouldn't look like that if you didn't have on. You can't say I'm chasing after you, or I'm. I'm, I'm desiring you because my love, I'm taking.
[00:33:09] Speaker E: But okay, right. All of that, first of all, all of that. But let's break it down to their trans phobia or what we now know as misogynoir, how their critique is only hurting their own reflection of who you.
[00:33:30] Speaker F: Think you are and who you. How you think women show up. And I, I would. I try to tell this to black cisgender women all the time. The same way that these men try to devalue and pull apart what makes me a trans woman is the same way that they try to devalue you as a black CIS woman in general. Do you not have on the same wig I have on from the same vendor? Are, Are we not wearing the same brand of lash?
[00:33:51] Speaker E: Look at the tag desk. Yeah. Say Vivica Fox.
[00:33:53] Speaker F: Absolutely.
[00:33:56] Speaker E: Listen, I didn't fell out with my hair.
[00:33:58] Speaker F: Listen.
[00:33:58] Speaker E: Because, listen, Brandy, Vivica Fox, we love that. Y'all have given us a lovely wig lines. We love it. Come on. Yes, but I'm waiting for the Amaya Scott wig line, though.
[00:34:06] Speaker F: That's. I need the Amaya Scott.
[00:34:08] Speaker E: Yeah, yeah.
[00:34:09] Speaker F: But I'm also, like, when they. When they. When they try to nail us down to the cross about things that we're all doing. You asked me for my doctor, sis. We went to the same place and got the bbl. We went and got. We went and got the same breast reduction done. And so the same critique that he's making of me on today, he'll make of you on tomorrow for a different reason and use the same excuses. And that's why I'm not afraid.
[00:34:32] Speaker E: And at the end of the day, neither one of us have to at all. It's not a must. But why is it that cisgender people have access to the same surgeries we want to have access to that are elective for everybody? For everybody. So a lot of this. They know that a lot of this is about discrimination and specifically not liking us. But one thing that I'm pretty much liking about this kind of time frame is that people are starting to say what they chest. They hold chest and is as. As. As confrontational as whatever as some of y'all might think that is. We all been. We've been new what this was all about. We've been with this about. So how.
How do you feel? Do you feel? I say. Because you say you have. You're prepared and you go into these spaces. Okay.
Do you always feel safe in those spaces?
[00:35:26] Speaker F: Absolutely not.
[00:35:27] Speaker E: Right. But you are brave.
[00:35:29] Speaker F: I'm gonna go. My thing is I know when I go in regardless of what. Because I understood that that say that space was a safe space because the co. The host of the show, I had been there a couple of times. But what I also understand is that if the. If the hits the fan, the only person gonna protect Hope in this moment is me. Because the CIS women are going to go into their corners, the CIS men are going to go into their corners, and if I'm there alone, then I have to do what's best for me. And if that means that I can buck up, I buck up. If that means that, you know what I say, you know what? This. This place is no longer safe for me, and I'm gonna go ahead and log off of this, then I do that. But my thing is, I go in. In knowing that I have the option and the choice. So you can't scare me out of the space because I know I have the choice to leave.
[00:36:10] Speaker E: Is there a line for you?
[00:36:12] Speaker F: I think that the line for me would be the blatant disrespect of like the uses of the T word. Everything else is on the table. Is that what you want to say? Because I have something for that. But I think that once we get to the point where you feel like all of your cards have been placed on the table and you have to resort to that or you come out of the gate with that, I already know that you're not you not willing to go here with me. And so if we're going to low blow it the entire time, I could read you fulfill but you're going to edit it and cut it out and I'm not going to. All of those blows are not going to land the same. And then I'm going to be on the Internet and I'm going to have to sit and live with the idea of the way that you painted the picture. And I'll never give you a chance to paint me through your brush.
[00:36:51] Speaker E: Y'all got that one. Never so hopeful. You know, you and I, we've known each other for a long time.
[00:37:00] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:37:02] Speaker E: We have not always agreed on everything.
No, right. We have not always agreed on everything. But it's. It's never been energy of disrespect between us. You call me, I call you. You call me when you want to run something by me. I call you when I want to run something by you. And if I don't agree with you on something, I may challenge you at that moment and may maybe later on it might challenge me.
But also I just want to highlight the fact that we are all growing, that the community is growing.
And I feel like sometimes within the community of us all, you know, there's not as much grace sometimes even for you. I see like when you may say something that all the girls aren't going with, sometimes I see a little bit of a energy.
How do you feel? Cuz do you feel like you're open? Number one? Number one. I'll say one because I feel like you are when I talk to you. So one, do you feel like you're open to community, sisterhood and critique and feedback in a way that if anybody had anything or disagreement with you or felt like any, any kind of way that you are approachable? Number one. Secondly, do you feel that there's still room for us as a community to get through and past our Maybe individual issues or different perspectives with each other.
[00:38:39] Speaker F: I think the answer to that first question is, I'm still growing in figuring out how I feel based on the messenger, because I know that there are some people who are trying to check me, to humble me, and I don't want your. I don't need you to be trying to remind me from once I came, because I know, and I never forget. But when I know that people have genuine. Like, when I know when you hit me up, I know you looking out, it's like, I saw this. I'm hearing this because I saw this. And before it gets out of hand, here's what I'm thinking. Do with it what you will.
[00:39:13] Speaker E: Absolutely.
[00:39:13] Speaker F: You know what I'm saying? I have a couple of sisters that are like that. Like, I have some of y'all that will tap in and check in in that way. And I'm all. I'm always open to that. And I think I'm always open to that with everybody.
[00:39:25] Speaker E: That's what I experienced. Yeah.
[00:39:27] Speaker F: Right. Until I recognize that there's something deeper. Right. And I have to. And there are some people where it used to be that. Right. And so there's ptsd. And so I'm like, okay, I'mma take with this what I need, and I'mma leave the things that I think are coming from that other place. Right. But I think that, to answer the second part of your question, there is room for us to leave that stuff behind. I just got a message before I even got here from a girl who I thought was very problematic. And because she's been off of the radar, I didn't even realize that this girl has done a whole rebrand. I won't name her because I think that she's trying to make her like. I think the reason I got that message, because she's about to reemerge as the new version of herself. But on the back end, she's become a whole different person than what I think when we all see her again, like, we're gonna be like, oh, okay, girl. But it's one of those things where it's just, like. In that there's been growth, there's obviously been a life change for her. There's been so many things. And so it's just, like, if she were to come to me now and say, like, hey, Hope. Like, I know it's been a while. Unwarranted opinion. But I think that this thing that you said over here might have been able to be said a different way or X, Y, and Z. The PTSD is still there, but I'm able to perceive it because I don't feel like you're coming from that weird.
[00:40:44] Speaker E: You're recognizing the growth.
[00:40:46] Speaker F: I'm recognizing the growth in that person. So I think that as long as there's room to recognize the growth, and not just in me, not just in you. I think for all of us, we all have a person that has done something that we should be recognizing whether or not there was growth there. And as long as there's growth and I feel like the intention is different, we could rock. I'm open to that.
[00:41:03] Speaker E: Yeah. You know, I've seen a lot of, you know, things sometimes where I think there's a middle ground between forgiveness, you know, and getting back in, you know, great community with each other and needing to not forget, you know, what someone has done or whatnot.
[00:41:27] Speaker B: For me, that not forgetting part is.
[00:41:30] Speaker E: When someone is staying where they were.
Sure, I won't forget, but I do think I can be wrapped back into some. Well, not fully, maybe, or whatever, but just wrapped back into a place of grace and peace and supportiveness or whatever with someone who has.
[00:41:49] Speaker B: Who has grown.
[00:41:50] Speaker E: Because what I'm seeing a lot sometimes in our community is people trying to use these power dynamics to get everybody to jump against one person. And sometimes they're telling half a story, sometimes they're not saying how they lit the match, or, you know, just different things or whatever, or, you know, platform sometimes.
[00:42:15] Speaker F: Yes.
[00:42:16] Speaker E: Or we're using, like, our community language in ways as a little bit more harsh than what the situation is. We just know how to use violence. Absolutely. You know what I'm saying? And so, you know, I. I think we have to address what it means to be in accountability community with each other. You know, look, you are a brilliant black trans woman who is just getting started with all the work that you're doing. Why would anyone in our community want to give up now on you, on me, on any. On any of us, number one.
[00:42:54] Speaker B: So I think it's.
[00:42:55] Speaker E: I think a lot of this stuff for me is always a reflection for me. I take what is mine so that I can see myself in the situation. Like, I just had a situation I was telling you about recently where some people didn't have my stuff right.
And that was a misstep on their part.
But also, I messed up.
[00:43:21] Speaker F: Right.
[00:43:21] Speaker E: I'm the one who originally crossed my boundary and didn't have things set up.
[00:43:26] Speaker B: The way that they should be. So I think that there's that same.
[00:43:29] Speaker E: Kind of thing available for our community where we need to offer each other.
[00:43:32] Speaker C: A double sided mirror and grace for yourself.
[00:43:35] Speaker B: And grace when you.
[00:43:36] Speaker F: When you mess up. Right. Because you would want that same thing. When I think when you mess up for other people, it's easier to like, give yourself grace. Like, oh, like I'm a human being. It happens. But when you mess up for yourself, I think we oftentimes beat ourselves up and then that anger is misplaced towards the person that we did it for. And I think what I learned from you in that situation was you could have made the entire thing about the person you was like, nah, that was on me. And you gave yourself grace and didn't like, make it a whole thing. Like, you know what? Because next time, because sometimes we like, it's just like, no, I'm learning from this situation. I know that because I did not like the way that I felt this time. It won't happen again. But I'm not going to beat myself up this entire weekend.
[00:44:14] Speaker E: No, no, exactly. So I. I hope that we learn to move forward with each other with a lot more grace and acceptance and knowing that we. Not only are we all learning, but our world needs different messengers because we.
[00:44:31] Speaker F: All speak differently to different audiences of people within the same community.
[00:44:36] Speaker E: Absolutely. And it just lands differently with each person. And it may just be maybe the fifth time that you've said something and it finally lands with somebody, but still, we need all of us to put these messages across. Now, one thing I want to say before I want to. I want to bring your prince Charming into the chat. But before we do, I want to talk butterfly talk. I want to talk girl talk. Because you and I, we both share something in common. And I know that you reached out to me. Actually, yes, I did.
To get some advice as you were going through your own transition and having your surgery.
And was I real with you?
[00:45:19] Speaker F: Yes, absolutely.
[00:45:21] Speaker E: You know, because I think that a lot of times people think that we're just selling only the positive sides of things and blah, blah, blah. But no, I'm telling you exactly what.
[00:45:29] Speaker B: It'S going to be and what it.
[00:45:30] Speaker F: Was, was what it was.
[00:45:34] Speaker E: One thing we need to tell you as butterflies is that you don't get to transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly without a little bit of pain. To completely have your being taken apart and putting back together.
[00:45:52] Speaker F: Right.
[00:45:53] Speaker E: What I saw that process for me, and I want to know if it was kind of similar for you. I. I totally saw myself as that caterpillar because I was pretty much confined to my Bed, because I couldn't really walk. I had to do our exercise, Kegel exercises that we.
That we had to do, you know.
[00:46:14] Speaker C: While we were healing.
[00:46:15] Speaker E: And so for cut, you know, I was doing, like, three times a day taking the medication, so I was just kind of wore out. I was like, just in my hotel room, in my bed for the most part. You eat, you do, you know, whatever. And what I likened that, too, was me being a caterpillar inside my cocoon. I needed to be in this space. And what I know is that, like, to me, the pain that I was feeling, I just imagined to be.
You know, when a cocoon is made, how it has different sections, and when the butterfly comes out, it's almost as if those sections burned color and different pieces of it.
[00:46:56] Speaker F: Absolutely.
[00:46:57] Speaker E: So I felt as if in that moment that I was being made remade into something, if it was even possible, even more beautiful than I already was. Because I said to myself, I want this. I want this surgery. But I'm a beautiful woman now already. Already, I love who I am now already. So everything else will be just extra. How is the experience of you dealing with making the decision, getting there, experiencing the reality of the pain, and then going through the process of healing?
[00:47:42] Speaker F: What I will say is that you and the advice that I got from you. And I'm not just saying this because I'm here, because y'all know I would. I would be honest, but after that talk, I felt really invigorated. And then after seeing there was one video in particular, and I. I'll hope that you find a clip of it and, like, insert it so people can see what I'm talking about. You were walking through a hotel. You had on these, like, slamming, like, it was a basic outfit, but it was like some. Some leggings, a little crop top moment. It was after you had the surgery and you were hitting it, and I was just like, that's that freedom walk. Like, that's that. Like, I ain't got to worry about y'all seeing nothing slip. I gotta worry about the tuck moving. It just is what it is. Ma is here. And there was something about. I was like, I want that freedom walk.
[00:48:26] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:48:27] Speaker F: I want that freedom walk, Yeah.
[00:48:29] Speaker E: I never heard it said like that before, but that was what it was. Because nothing could prepare you for the freedom that you finally feel when you realize, I don't have to worry about that anymore.
[00:48:42] Speaker F: I don't have to think about. I was. I'll never forget when my first freedom walk, it was in Giant. I was Grocery shopping in Giant. And I was just walking down the aisle and I remember for the first time, it was like, oh, wait, I don't have to. Like, my sweatshirt lifted up a little bit over the area. And I was like, I don't have to. And I pushed that buggy a little different, and I. I went to strutting down them aisles just a little different. And there's something about that that felt so beautiful. But the process, like you said, those. Because I spent two weeks in my hotel room in the bed, and I spent two weeks at home in the bed. And when I tell you I couldn't do anything except stay medicated, sleep, do my Kegel exercises, yes, we had to do those and repeat. Like, that was all I could do. And I was just like, the entire time, I was like, but, girl, you want this? And when you get up from here, you're never going to have to worry about these things that have inhibited you for so long. And it wasn't. I knew that it wasn't for anybody but myself, because everybody who I love, the people that I. My circle, my tribe, as I like to call them, they were fine with hope.
I was fine with hope. But there was something that I wanted that I needed to up the ante. And I didn't want to change. I didn't want to perfect. I needed to. I needed to evolve.
And my evolution came in those four weeks where I had nothing to do but think.
[00:50:13] Speaker E: Wow.
[00:50:14] Speaker F: I had nothing to do but think about the decision that I made to step further into who I was, the decisions that I was going to make, and what I was going to do with this right, and this choice that I was making and how visible I was going to be, what type of person I was going to be, the way that I was, because I've seen it happen in ways that were negative. And I had to talk myself through some of the. The. The disgusting thoughts that I was having in my bed. Oh, I must.
That's not what you got this for. You didn't get this to do that. You got this to become and step in and evolve. And so I was having those moments and I checked myself before I got a chance for the world to check me.
[00:50:55] Speaker E: Uhhuh.
[00:50:56] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:50:57] Speaker F: Because I didn't want to be humbled by the world or anybody else. I wanted to do my own humbling. And when I came out and I finally allowed the world to see my wings and the colors that had been stained on his body, there was something therapeutic about it. And that first freedom I Saw.
[00:51:14] Speaker E: I literally could see. I mean, you were strong before. I. I remember you telling me, you know, and I knew you were one of the girls. Meaning it's not for everybody, but when some. I can tell in their hearts and in their minds where they're at with it, and I'm. It was in the same place, and I could recognize that. So it wasn't that you weren't willing to work for Community, to do things, to show up. You were doing it then, but this.
[00:51:39] Speaker F: Allowed you to really be.
[00:51:43] Speaker E: Absolutely. Okay, so when we come back, I am going to. We're going to bring someone into the chat that I think must have had a butterfly net.
We'll be right back.
All right, y'all, we are back, and we have another special guest. Xander stepped into the chat.
[00:52:06] Speaker B: Now, wait, wait.
[00:52:07] Speaker E: Xander, Wait. What's your last name?
Gossie. So is that going to be your last name, too?
[00:52:13] Speaker F: Too? It already is.
I am officially Hope Giselle.
[00:52:19] Speaker E: God.
[00:52:19] Speaker C: See, y'all got married.
[00:52:21] Speaker E: So this, with the wedding that we're going to be going to in June, is kind of just for every.
[00:52:25] Speaker F: So actually. Okay, so here's the thing. Yes.
[00:52:27] Speaker E: Let's talk about it.
[00:52:28] Speaker F: What we didn't realize and what I don't think a lot of people realize is that once you get that marriage license, y'all are officially married. And you have to get the marriage license before you have the ceremony. So.
[00:52:37] Speaker E: So you have to have it before.
[00:52:38] Speaker D: Nobody is actually married on the day that.
[00:52:40] Speaker E: On the day that they get married.
[00:52:42] Speaker F: Y'All are still going to a ceremony. Right. And the people who are buying the virtual tickets, y'all are still watching the wedding. Okay, so it's. It's not that, like, we're just already. It's. The paperwork is done, so we're. We're official.
[00:52:54] Speaker E: Where did you get the audacity and just the wild idea to do a theatrical release of your wedding announcements. And, I mean, you have, like, a theatrical poster, and you're hanging off the end of a cliff with a bouquet of flowers. I'm like, oh, you better be strong.
[00:53:20] Speaker F: Look here. I like to think that I'm the trans Beyonce. And so when I do things, I try to, like, in my mind, I'm like, okay, what would Beyonce do if her budget was 45,000 times less?
[00:53:35] Speaker B: How would she still slay?
[00:53:36] Speaker F: How would she still slay this? And there's something to me, like, when I look at Community, for as many girls that don't like me, there are so many folks that, like, look at this relationship and look at our wedding as their wedding. They look like I. It's not a toot my own horn thing. This is what people are telling and telling him. Like, I see the comments, and so I'm just like, if this is how y'all feel about it, I want to make sure that it's a damn good wedding for you. You. You know, if this is. If you live in vicarious through me, then I want to make sure that I'm the best representation of that. And when I think of.
[00:54:09] Speaker C: I just.
[00:54:09] Speaker F: I lay down and I dream, and I'm like, okay, so how is this gonna. And what would I want this to do? And again, if I were watching Beyonce pull up a wedding announcement, it wouldn't just be some Beyonce just saying, okay, like, we getting married or we're just doing. And mind you, she had the quietest, quietest wedding. Right, Right.
[00:54:26] Speaker E: But I. I know what you're saying in essence of, like, a concert, right.
[00:54:29] Speaker F: And concerts and things like that. It's like, what is the rollout given? And we still have rollout for y'all. Like, we're not done with the rollout, but I think that that's just where it came from. And I love. I have a husband that is supportive of all my shenanigans. I'd be like, baby, we should make it a movie. And he, like, what?
[00:54:47] Speaker E: I've been learning, though, that he's kind of up for the shenanigans.
[00:54:54] Speaker F: Want to plan. You don't want to plan the shenanigans. You want to be a part.
[00:54:58] Speaker E: So, okay, so now this podcast is no opportunity wasted. And so what it. That's all about is to not waste an opportunity, is to understand that even when you were having these challenges, each moment is an opportunity. Right.
What?
In this. In this relationship, now you're married, now your marriage.
I'm sure this has come with some challenges.
[00:55:27] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:55:28] Speaker F: For you as well, man.
[00:55:31] Speaker E: You know, because we don't usually. We don't usually have to do here.
[00:55:36] Speaker B: To be able to ask no questions.
[00:55:37] Speaker E: So I'm gonna ask some questions.
[00:55:40] Speaker F: Is that okay?
[00:55:41] Speaker D: I'm here to ask.
[00:55:41] Speaker E: Okay.
[00:55:42] Speaker C: Okay, great.
[00:55:43] Speaker E: So first I want to ask you, what was it about Hope that made you fall in love with her?
[00:55:53] Speaker D: What's her mind?
Honestly, like, the first. I want to say, like, first three, four months of us, like, getting to know each other was really just intellectual debates.
It really was. It was us just like. And I. And it's funny because I've never met somebody where I was able to, like, have intellectual Debates with them. And it never became disrespectful. Like, we were like, it got intense. Like, we, like, it got like, if there was a flower on the wall, they'd be like, do they like each other?
Like, wow. But it was. It was intense. And like, we would go, like, no more than maybe like two, three days of not talking to each other. And then we'll come back and be like, hey, what's good? What's going on with you?
[00:56:43] Speaker E: Wow.
[00:56:44] Speaker D: How are you? Like, how's life? And then we get right back into it. And you'd be like, nah, nah, nah. I remember you said.
And then. But it was good because, like, we challenged each other.
[00:56:55] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:56:56] Speaker E: So we talked about. First, I wanted to get into the good feelings, you know, about what drew you to hope now, knowing. How did you find. So, like, where was. Where was the conversation about the transness? How did it happen? Was it from the immediate?
[00:57:12] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, it was immediate.
[00:57:13] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:57:14] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:57:14] Speaker F: Wow. Wow.
[00:57:16] Speaker E: And. And were you. Did you let him know that you were, like, going through a process? Like, no. So you were just going to be able to be there. Meaning, like, what you went through is so tough, you know, and you need someone who will be able to be there by your side and support going through that.
[00:57:34] Speaker F: So folks don't realize it, but then has been in my life for, I want to say, about, like, six years, and we have been dating for five. And so even when I was going through the mess of, like, my past relationship, which was kind of public. Oh, yeah, he was there. And so it was one of those things where Zan and I were really.
[00:57:56] Speaker D: The best man win.
[00:57:59] Speaker B: You know, it.
[00:58:02] Speaker F: You know, we didn't know Shade, y'all know, he. Anyway, so it was one of those things where, like, I didn't have to explain a lot because, you know, he followed, he saw what was happening. Like, we were still friends. And so there was a talk about it. But as far as, like, the transformation that I was making, like, like, in my bodily, like, I had made that decision. And so we were two years into our relationship. Relationship.
[00:58:27] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:58:28] Speaker F: You know, and what was so beautiful about it was I remember I was on the beach and I was having, like, a health issue. I don't know what was going on, but something was, like, really bothering me. Like, my tummy was hurting. It was just a whole thing. And I was on the beach. I don't know what possessed me to wear a suede bathing suit.
Right.
[00:58:46] Speaker D: Yes, it was hottest.
[00:58:48] Speaker F: It was hot as hell.
[00:58:49] Speaker D: It was hot as hell.
[00:58:51] Speaker F: But I Wore this suede bathing suit. Not thinking in my mind, but like, I'm tucked to the gods, but I love to get in the water. So that bathing suit was a, it wasn't made to get in the water. So I get in the water, it starts to sag in my crotch. And now it's visible that, like, I have this going on here. My tummy hurts. So I'm just like, I want to get in the water, I want to enjoy myself, but I don't want to tuck again. And I go to my boyfriend, but, you know, like, husband, I'm just like, babe, there are people at this beach. But I don't feel like tucking. I want to take this tuck off and like, it's going to be obvious that I have this bulge going on. Like, is that okay with you? Because where. And he looked at me and he said, I know who I'm dating. Don't project this onto me. I don't have a problem with what you have going on down there. You do. So as long as you are okay with them knowing what you have going on, I'm okay with them knowing what you have going on.
And it was at that moment that I realized, like, I had the right person and that I could tell him whatever I needed to tell him about my, my true feelings about how I was feeling about my body. And we had that talk and we had a, a deep conversation about it and I had his full support. And the entire time that, like, mind you, I was in Philly when I got my surgery done. And my husband works at the time, he was working 24 hour shifts. So he would work a 24 hour shift. He would drive from D.C. to Philly. Yeah. And I was up there for two weeks.
[01:00:22] Speaker E: Oh, oh.
[01:00:25] Speaker F: And I'm talking about, he did this at least I want to say like one week fully. Like a total of seven days out of the entire two weeks. And the other days I had to force him to like, go to work and, and just like stay home and rest and not come. And so the process of that was very, he made it a safe space to do that with him because he didn't make me feel like he was gonna lose me if I did that, which a lot of people will make you feel that way.
[01:00:53] Speaker B: Okay, so I, I, I, I have.
[01:00:56] Speaker E: To ask because what I know usually, and I think this is about to be a double edged sword, but we'll see. But like what I know usually is for someone like yourself to step into the chat with that kind of attitude.
You seem like you're very good hearted, you're smart.
Seems like you were raised pretty well.
Seems like you were pretty, you know, it seems like you were raised really well.
[01:01:29] Speaker B: So to.
[01:01:31] Speaker E: Because the thing is, we know that a lot of times intolerance is taught in the home.
So how did you develop what you have and the perspective to be so open to the amazing, beautiful trans woman.
[01:01:48] Speaker B: That hope is and has it come.
[01:01:52] Speaker E: With challenges with your family or are they like.
[01:01:59] Speaker D: So is definitely a double edged sword because.
So I grew up in a very black centric dominant home group. My family history is very prominent here in the Americas, especially on my mom's side.
Now my mom, she has always been a kind hearted person.
She's always been very gentle, very soft spoken.
But also due to black family issues like everybody else, you know, you have, once divorce happens, you know, mom has to go work and her children have to raise themselves pretty much. My mom had to entrust the fact that because she knew that we had good heads on our shoulders, that we would continuously have good head on our shoulders.
That's not always the same for other people.
So due to that, by me growing up, mind you, I think the most pivotal point in my life was when I went to Egypt. Going to Egypt and walking through all the temples, walking through all the pyramids, I got to see all the things that all these. I guess I hate using this word. Hoteps.
[01:03:17] Speaker E: Yes.
[01:03:18] Speaker D: That it was originally intended, you know, I got to see all the things that they speak about that they only see in books and by me actually seeing the things on the walls, I actually got to see what people thought and think that they are detect, they are dissecting and ingesting. As to what I saw, what is actual reality, that trans women, LGBT all across the board has always existed.
[01:03:47] Speaker B: Right.
[01:03:48] Speaker D: That a lot of people think that, oh no, this is just something that white society is bringing about. No, people have always existed. All shapes and forms, all forms of thinking. Nothing is expressed. Right? Exactly. Nothing is new under the sun. That's where that expression comes from.
And with that I grew into a sense of realizing that all the things that I was taught was just another form of white supremacy.
That. And once Hope came into my life, I. It came even more into fruition because then I was like, wow. Like, like. Although, yes, some things are true, but not all things are true. And a lot of the things that we're being taught is based upon hate because a lot of us still don't know who we are.
And with that, I ended up having to challenge myself and realize that, damn, like, a lot of things I'm being taught is all a lie. And then a lot of the things I am being taught is still true. So I had to. I had to battle that conflict, which then case ended up end up making me realize that this is who I'm supposed to be with. She. She is the woman of my dream.
[01:05:00] Speaker F: She.
[01:05:00] Speaker D: She is going to be there beside me and she's proven it. Like, she's proven that she's going to be beside me before anybody else. Because where my family had forsaken me, she stood by me without a doubt. You know, my family chose to like, alienate me. Decided to like, literally make me the black sheep of the family. Whereas she was like, no, you're the light in my life now, mind you.
[01:05:29] Speaker E: Every other aspect of your life, job, you're kind, you know, no shade on incarceration histories and things like that or whatever, but you've been, you know, you good.
They not worrying about you in that sense. This is what they're worried about.
[01:05:48] Speaker D: Right.
[01:05:49] Speaker E: So I want to first of all say, you know, thank you for loving my friend.
[01:05:56] Speaker B: Yes.
[01:05:57] Speaker E: Because as black trans women, we deserve love, but not just we deserve love in the human sense. Like, everybody deserves love. But what I'm telling you, I've had friends like Teek Milan. It's a great black trans man, you know, and when I see folks like yourself, one, the thing I'm thinking to myself is, these are our community gyms and I love you for loving my friend.
But no.
[01:06:36] Speaker B: Real fast.
[01:06:37] Speaker D: I don't expect anything less real fast.
[01:06:40] Speaker B: Because.
[01:06:43] Speaker E: We folks, like her, myself, te, we've gone through a lot to have that kind of wisdom, clarity, strength, confidence, beauty.
And sometimes, especially in the hands of the wrong man, they just want to manipulate, control, and actually make you cry, make, you know, make you feel insecure, confused, all these things like I've been learning listening to Miss Slumflower Girl.
[01:07:09] Speaker F: Come on. Oh, baby.
[01:07:10] Speaker E: Oh, my God. She's just like a.
Anyway, so. But to see that you're actually thinking about and you can actually communicate the why, the extra, the not just, she's pretty, she's nice. Like, no, this is the person I'm supposed to be with because she's affirming for me all that I should know to be true and helping me to do away with all the things that no longer, you know, relate and are true.
Like, I guess what I'll say is I just want you to be encouraged that we need.
I know there hopefully there's going to be a part of your lives where you're going to look back at it and realize that that movie poster was for real.
Because it's so dramatic in ways that it's not really that. I mean, it's a good story, but like, it makes it even a better story when you are dealing with your family because they're not the only ones.
And eventually folks are going to see themselves in that same circumstance, whether it's just seeing this beautiful relationship of seeing people missing out of that picture or whatever. And maybe they're going to see themselves missing out of the picture eventually. But just know that I've had family who have been so hateful and oppressive and all the different things, but when they wake up to what they've really been doing, it's kind of devastating for them when they realize I. What I was really a part of. But they, they're so brainwashed to think that they are doing what's right and trying to save you from ruining your life when they don't know that this is the woman that's giving you life.
[01:09:17] Speaker D: That part.
[01:09:18] Speaker E: So just, just, I would just say keep the. What I want to say is just like, keep. You're now the husband, man of the, you know, you leave with, you know, we ain't always doing the patriarchal blah, blah, blah. But yeah, so just know that as you're doing that, you're going to be obviously protecting this family that you're building.
But keep the door open. You know what I mean? Like, because, and I know, wait a minute. Because you Buddhist too, right? Listen, I forgot. I don't even know why I didn't even get into that sooner on this podcast and realized that in matter of fact, that's why it makes sense that you're coming to the situation. Situation with a Buddha nature.
And just as you're protecting them, keep the door open for your family.
It might take some time, but it is going to be how you respond.
They're doing same whatever, hateful. And it makes sense for us. I did it. I. So I fought with my parents. I customized. We have blows. We, you know, it was a lot of things, but when I stopped that and realized that we both were not behaving the best and that if I couldn't control them, I could at least control myself. It doesn't mean that you're agreeing with the stuff that they're doing, letting things slide, being a punk, letting them do this or whatever. It's that now, as you know, as a Buddhist, I'm going To just be a mirror so that you see what you're doing and what I'm not, because I'm refusing to participate in the negative energy. I'm refusing to participate in creating more drama. So I'm gonna still tell you I even love you. I'm gonna still tell you I'm. Do. You know, it's probably gonna be irritating for them at first, but if you.
[01:11:05] Speaker F: Tell them that you're praying for them.
[01:11:06] Speaker E: They probably, they probably, they're probably gonna be.
But, But I want you to.
[01:11:12] Speaker D: You know, it's funny because the door is always open. I just need accountability.
[01:11:18] Speaker E: Yes.
[01:11:18] Speaker D: You know, that, that, that is where it all starts. Because once there's accountability, once you could say, you know what, I have wronged you. You don't even have to say I've wronged you. You could just say I messed up. You know what I mean? I, you know, I, I, you know, I was in a place because in all in all, I also understand that a lot of the hatred that they are putting on to me is a reflection of what they feel inside.
[01:11:45] Speaker E: We know this, we know this about. Yeah.
[01:11:47] Speaker D: You know, because any person who doesn't walk in peace and love is because you're feeling hatred and hatred and disdain and guilt within, inside yourself, and you're trying to. Misery loves company, you know? So, like by you showing that all, by you giving that to somebody else, it's only because you're feeling that inside and you don't know how to deal with it. This is why I say we as people need to go to therapy.
[01:12:13] Speaker E: And eventually we'll have a, we'll have a therapist sponsored ad to put in there.
[01:12:18] Speaker B: Right, Right.
[01:12:19] Speaker E: Now, I'm not gonna mention nobody, but there are plenty of options out there and it's more accessible for us these days. But we do have to take responsibility for our own happiness and our own healing. And that's what this podcast is about. Because at the end of the day, the day gotta end. Oh, wait, that was Gorilla Glorilla.
At the end of the day, the day gotta end.
[01:12:43] Speaker F: But a fact is a fact.
[01:12:48] Speaker E: So one thing I want you to do for me too, as well, because I'm gonna be doing it too.
Let's bring our sister. Let's bring our sister into the Buddhist practice. Let's, let's let.
[01:12:58] Speaker D: Oh, no, no, it's working.
[01:13:00] Speaker B: Because I always see.
[01:13:01] Speaker E: Because the thing is, is that like, what I love about the practice is that it's just the most magical mirror that you could possibly have to see yourself beyond the lies that people are telling you or the crap that people are trying to feed you about yourself and your value and be able to see. Because sometimes we have to check in with that reflection. And our practice is to check in twice a day with that reflection. So that when you dealt with everybody's attitudes and all that kind of stuff all day, and people telling you and calling you this and saying whatever, and then you come home and you realize, I got a husband.
And we.
So how about I drop whatever that was and be grateful for and show, you know, whatever, but enjoy what this is. It gets you. But you understand, a lot of people go to work and spend an eight hour day at work and then come.
[01:14:01] Speaker F: Home and bring that same energy to the apartment. And I do sometimes.
[01:14:06] Speaker E: And so this is a thing where you can spray Windex on that mirror, wipe that away, and then start to see things actually really clearly. Because I'm telling you, I'm gonna be honest. I've had situations where, you know, people get me messed up because they think that I don't know the consequences of my actions.
I move fully aware, fully aware of what things are. I may have to shift things around and do different things or whatever, but there was a point in which I hadn't been working for a while and I got bills and things are happening and people are trying to shut me out and, you know, whatever. And my anxiety, I have anxiety. And so my anxiety was starting to get the best of me in certain moments. And then as I really dived down into my practice, I'm telling you, I was chanting.
[01:15:04] Speaker B: And just one day, it just, it.
[01:15:07] Speaker E: Like hit me like this and I was like, you're fine, you're fine. The lights are on and you have wood to burn.
Meaning I have ass.
[01:15:21] Speaker B: I have assets, I have things. If I ever.
[01:15:23] Speaker E: I have stocks.
[01:15:24] Speaker B: I have.
[01:15:26] Speaker E: I have a house with $300,000 of equity in my house.
So I'm fine.
[01:15:34] Speaker B: Because even if I had to sell.
[01:15:36] Speaker F: My house, good, I'm good.
[01:15:39] Speaker E: And I'm not attached to whatever success.
[01:15:43] Speaker F: Marker that was supplies for me, huh?
[01:15:46] Speaker E: I can let it all go. And so that you don't need nothing. Like Tina Turner said, I don't need nothing but my name.
So this is what the power of this practice can do. And to allow you to not let people, number one, project their things onto you. But also, when we're sometimes confused about what's going on is you.
[01:16:12] Speaker B: We got a problem.
[01:16:13] Speaker F: Did you be shading?
[01:16:13] Speaker E: There's something going on, you know, whatever the case is and blah Blah, blah. And it puts us into a space of either seeing one, either they are being shady.
[01:16:22] Speaker F: Right?
[01:16:23] Speaker E: And like you said, if we're being a Buddhist, then we're realizing it ain't just that they're shady by nature.
It's that they get. They're dealing with their own hurt, problem, whatever. Because hurt people hurt people. And you know, bringing that stuff in a happy person is not doing all that drama kind of stuff.
[01:16:44] Speaker B: So it gets to be this place.
[01:16:46] Speaker E: Where you start to have a little bit more compassion even when people are being irritating all kinds of other things. Because it's almost like I feel sorry for you that you think that's the way. Way.
It's not an easy thing to do.
[01:16:57] Speaker D: Not at all.
[01:16:58] Speaker E: At all. But it gives people. We call it Bodhisattva. Never disparaging. Because what it means is we try to practice not disparaging people and realizing every person's a Buddha. Trust me, because Caitlyn Jenner and a few other people test me on that one. But I do have. I do bow to them in a way, because I even bow to Caitlyn Jenner. And let me tell you why I bow to Caitlyn Jenner.
How many of y'all have played the game Mortal Kombat?
[01:17:27] Speaker F: Oh, yeah.
[01:17:27] Speaker E: Anybody?
[01:17:28] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[01:17:29] Speaker E: So I kind of imagine, you know, look, Buddhism teaches us that if you are a Buddhist, if you're strong, if you're a warrior, you won't really know that fighting against a child.
Oh, so what kind of leader am I? What kind of.
So Caitlyn Jenner, it's all you understand, because it's a thing of. If I accept the challenge, then what the challenge is. I gotta put you in your place.
Finish her. Oh, I won't be disrespectful because we don't do that.
[01:18:08] Speaker F: Right.
[01:18:09] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying?
[01:18:09] Speaker E: But finish her. Because I still think she's a cross dresser with a coin. But I might edit that out.
[01:18:14] Speaker C: I don't know, I might keep it.
[01:18:15] Speaker E: In, but that's just what it is. Anyway, we've all played Mortal Kombat.
[01:18:20] Speaker D: Yes.
[01:18:21] Speaker B: Finish.
[01:18:21] Speaker E: Huh? Anyways, thank you so much for joining us in the. Now I cannot wait. I am clearing my calendar. I will be at the wedding. Yay. I will also get the ticket online, too, because I'm that kind of girl that just supports all the way around. I also get a gift, so please show me the. Give me the link to the registry and just continue doing the things that you do and know that like not Only are you supporting a powerhouse who has purpose in her life.
What you know and I both know is she's a reflection also.
So let's see.
[01:19:04] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying?
[01:19:06] Speaker E: Like India Ari said, I am a reflection of him and he's a reflection of me type situation.
[01:19:11] Speaker D: The things that are brewing, they are brewing.
[01:19:15] Speaker B: Stay tuned.
[01:19:15] Speaker E: Ladies and gentlemen, Xander 2.0 is coming.
[01:19:20] Speaker D: Yes.
[01:19:20] Speaker F: Yes.
[01:19:21] Speaker E: All right, thank y'all so much for joining us. We will be right back.
[01:19:26] Speaker A: All right, I want to take a moment before we close this episode to acknowledge the tragic and horrific murder of Sam Nordquist, a 24 year old trans man who was tortured for weeks before his death. Five people have been charged with second degree murder. And the details of this case are just a lot. Sam was reported missing on February 9th. And this is. Authorities are saying that the level of violence has just unfathomable.
Now, I know this is not an isolated incident. Trans people, especially black and brown trans people continue to be targeted, brutalized and killed, while our rights, our health care, and even our identity documents are under constant threat.
So the time for passive allyship is over. We need those who say that they stand with us to actually show up, to speak out and to fight back against these relentless attacks on our humanity. And in moments like this, I turn to the writings of Nietzsche and Daishonin, who reminds us, quote, if they devils did not arise, there would be no way of knowing that this is the correct teaching. That's from the letters to the brothers and writings of nature and I shown in volume one.
And he teaches that when we are on the path of justice, of truth, of enlightenment, we will face storms, obstacles and devilish functions. The forces of ignorance and oppression will always arise up and try to silence and erase us. But that is precisely why we have to stand even firmer in our convictions. The only way to liberate ourselves from suffering is to awaken to the Buddha nature that exists within us all and within society itself. And that means addressing the willful ignorance that plagues this world. The ignorance that denies the humanity of trans people, that seeks to erase our existence, and that refuses to recognize that all people, regardless of identity or background, are valuable and worthy of respect.
So if you take anything from today's episode, let it be this. We are here. We are not backing down. And if you are someone who believes in justice, now is the time to step up.
Thank you for listening to no opportunity wasted. Thank you for returning. If you want to be a part of deeper, unfiltered conversations, join me in the winner's Circle, my free online
[email protected] and if you're ready to take the next step in transforming your life, stay tuned, honey, like a butterfly. A masterclass on transforming your life is coming soon. Until next time, stand strong, speak truth, keep creating space for yourself and for others.
And don't waste a single moment. No opportunity wasted.
