Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to now. No opportunity wasted. I'm your host Angelica Ross.
Today is Monday, October 28th and our Buddhist word for the day from Buddhism Day by Day Wisdom for Modern Life by Daisaku Ikeda says Quote Shakyamuni Buddha explained the fundamental spirit of Buddhism as a sense of individual responsibility.
You are your only master. Who else?
Subdue yourself and discover your master. In other words, we must take responsibility for our own self discipline and for cultivating meaningful lives. End quote. Now I love this quote and I love that it taps on one of my favorite words, responsibility, the ability to respond and the concept that ultimately we must take. We each must take responsibility for ourselves and our own lives.
Speaking of which, there are only a few more days left before this year's election and things have gotten quite heated online and in person.
Earlier this month I posted on thread saying that white supremacy works best when we are fighting each other instead of fighting the system. The dialogue I'm seeing online amongst so called liberals or leftists has me feeling like I'm surrounded by a brand new form of maga. Blue MAGA as it's been called online for over a year. I and many others have been trying to get the current administration and anyone coming after them to understand that we will no longer accept our tax dollars being spent on war and bombing innocent civilians. Period.
Anyone committed to continuing the supply of weapons to Israel or anyone else committing a genocide around the world will not have my support. Not my financial support if I can help it. Since I can't seem to control where my tax dollars are going, I can't can decide to boycott anything that supports mass murdering of a population.
I'm consistently in check with the BDS movement standing for boycott, divestment and sanctions on which companies that I can boycott like Baray, Chevron, Starbucks, McDonald's and more. And I'm not just talking about companies that are supporting Israel's genocide on Gaza. Also, if you haven't heard, we're boycotting that new Apple phone too. Apple, Tesla, Microsoft, Dell and Google all recently were sued by the District of Congo for human rights violations, but the American courts sided with these tech giants. I recently spoke at the Grace Hopper Celebration in Philly on behalf of AnitaB.org and mentioned that we want to quickly confirm that Savage, Fenty, Sheen, Kylie Cosmetics, Zara, all of them are creating fashion that is sustainable and not harming and taking advantage of our communities.
We ask for transparency in their business practices. So why is it that we are not doing the same when it comes to tech companies? Why Is it that I'm finding out after AI has been integrated into so much of what we do, that it costs a lot of water to operate AI? As if we don't already have issues with American cities accessing clean water, we the people need to take responsibility for our society. It should be very clear by now that we cannot trust these politicians to have our best interests at heart. We just can't leave it up to them alone. Instead of addressing homelessness, poverty, our failing education and health care systems, our politicians continue to vote to send our tax dollars to fund a world of war. A lot of adults are just now learning that they can say no and actually don't even have to provide an explanation. No is a full sentence. We can take responsibility. We can tap into our ability to respond by saying no to all things that do not align with our values as American and global citizens. Now, before I get too deep into things, let's lighten things up a little bit with my conversation with Dominic Lim, author of Karaoke Queen, a new queer romcom novel that is also being voiced by one of my favorite favorite queens, Manila Luzon. Take a listen.
[00:04:54] Speaker B: Well, welcome to now, Dominic Lim, my first question for you is how are you doing right now?
[00:05:03] Speaker C: I'm ecstatic.
[00:05:06] Speaker B: Ecstatic. Well, tell me about that. What's the cause of ecstatic?
[00:05:12] Speaker C: Well, I am. I'm just so. I'm tickled pink to be to meet you and to talk to you. I'm just such a big fan, not just of your acting work, but all the stuff that you've done with your life to amplify people. And it's just, I'm just so happy to be here to talk.
[00:05:30] Speaker B: Wow. Well, thank you so much. And thank you. Now, I know that you wrote a book, you recently released a book called Karaoke Queen.
[00:05:40] Speaker C: Karaoke Queen. That is correct.
[00:05:42] Speaker B: Yes. I have my copy here. I have not yet gotten through it, but yet because I've been all over the place. But I am glad to have you sitting here because this seems like the kind of queer rom com that, you know, I needed when I was coming up looking for different types of stories to read.
Where did the inspiration come from with Karaoke Queen? Somehow, even somehow, this Queen, I feel like is you.
[00:06:14] Speaker C: She. I mean, she's kind of me. I've done drag on and off in my life. It's always been a big important part of my life.
I. It was part of a two book deal when I signed with my publisher. So this is my second book and the idea of it kind of sprang From.
I wanted to explore sort of the politics of the gay male identity, particularly gender and femininity and masculinity. And as you are very well aware of the, of the prioritization of masculinity in the gay male world.
And you know, it was better when we were younger. It's. I mean, it's better now than when we were younger, but it still exists for sure. And I wanted to sort of explore that within the context of drag and how. Because of all the horrible anti drag legislation and the fear mongering about drag and how it's going to corrupt our children. And I listened to your podcast with Jinx and you talked a little bit about that as well. But it's. So I wanted to sort of explore those things about a young Filipino drag queen who basically turned their back on drag and femininity because of a fear and because of. Because of trying to achieve something that he was not. So. And then I put it within the context of a rom com because it is a serious subject, but I wanted people to have some joy in that journey for him, you know.
[00:07:48] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, it was so funny, was as I was reading sort of the synopsis of everything, I was like, well, this sounds like a movie.
This sounds like a movie. Are you, Are you. Do you have plans to turn any of your stories into. You know, I would love to.
[00:08:04] Speaker C: I would love to. I mean, if we authors had any power over that, we would all get our books made into movies.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: But, you know, and it's always such a. But it's so interesting these days, you know, as a creator, you know, as someone who sort of figures out how to continue to tell your stories and tell the stories that you want to hear.
It's. I think it's really interesting to get to this place now where we have to sort of produce everything. You know, tell me about like how difficult it was for that first book to get the first deal and to, you know, have your stories be told.
[00:08:45] Speaker C: You know, I was hesitate to say this, but I was lucky. And it's not. It's. It. I hesitate to say it because it is still very difficult for people of color in the public, in the publishing world. Right. It's really hard for us to get our stories out there because we just don't exist in the numbers that we need to on the publishing side. Right. There are a lot of stories that are being written, stories that are being told, but there aren't enough editors who are people of color. There aren't enough agents who are people of color. Right. So.
[00:09:18] Speaker B: And the ones that are probably trying to, you know, fit what they see as a diverse story into, you know, how they see diversity and what that box looks like for them.
[00:09:28] Speaker C: Exactly. You know, they have the. It's getting a little bit better now, but, you know, once a house has their one black book, that's their book. They have the one gay book. We're done. You know, we've done our job. So, you know, and forget all the other stories. But my journey was actually very fortuitous because I have had a lot of support. I mean, I live in the San Francisco Bay area, so I already have a very supportive community here. I have a supportive writing community, and I was able to find an agent. And she is white. She's a white woman. But who really wanted to be a champion for my book. And the same thing when we let it at my editor and my publisher. And that imprint, which. It's a romance imprint of Hachette, which is one of the big five publishers, they are very much into supporting diverse authors. I feel like they are the biggest diverse. They have the most diverse authors of any romance imprint.
[00:10:30] Speaker B: Wow, that's great that you could find a home, you know, for that.
[00:10:34] Speaker C: Yeah, it was. That's. I think that's. That's key is finding that home. And. Right. We don't have a lot of people of color on the inside, but we have our allies, so it's important to have them. And so I've been lucky.
And I've been lucky in that they've been continuing to support me now through my second book and that they want a third, so that's.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: Okay. Come on. That. Amazing. Congratulations.
[00:11:00] Speaker C: Thank you.
[00:11:01] Speaker B: I love it when they want seconds and thirds and thirds. We love that.
[00:11:05] Speaker C: Keep coming back.
[00:11:06] Speaker B: Yeah. So talk to me about, like, growing up Filipino and, like. And queer. Was. That was where your. Was your family accepting? Were you in an accepting environment? Because I know that sometimes I have a lot of friends that are from various parts. Filipino, from Thailand, from different, like, parts of Asian countries. And some are very supportive, and some are like, hell, no.
[00:11:30] Speaker C: Right. Well, it's a very interesting thing being Filipino and being queer, because on the one hand, it is one of the most accepting countries in terms of being gay, because, you know, you can walk around. I mean, it is. There is a culture there that is very well known, but on the other hand, it's one of the most repressive because it is a Catholic country. It is the only country besides Vatican City which outlaws marriage. I mean, outlaws divorce.
So it is all about the church there. So there's this sort of, you know. But the thing is, in my family, there's four of us kids, and three of us are queer. So something was happening. My mom's.
[00:12:14] Speaker B: Somebody hit the jackpot. Absolutely.
[00:12:18] Speaker C: So while she had a very hard time with it, when we all started coming out, she immediately had to accept us or else lose most of her kids, really. And now she's one of our staunchest supporters.
[00:12:32] Speaker B: So now. So did. So you talk about your siblings and having two other.
[00:12:39] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:12:40] Speaker B: Okay, so what was the order of coming out like? Did you come out to each other? Did you feel the safety with each other before you all came out? Did you come out together?
[00:12:52] Speaker C: I'm the oldest, and I came out first, and I'm a couple years older than.
[00:12:58] Speaker B: So you got the hardest route of it.
You paved the way for the rest of them.
[00:13:03] Speaker C: I did, but I. I wouldn't have had it. I wouldn't have had it any other way, because when later they came out, I mean, they both wrote me letters and said it was because of you that I. I had that strength to be able to come out as well.
[00:13:17] Speaker A: So that's amazing.
[00:13:19] Speaker B: So. So how did you. Was it natural for you?
Because it seems like. Did you study writing? Because from what I've, like, researched or saw with about you is that you have a degree in music.
[00:13:33] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:13:34] Speaker B: How did you bring. Because obviously with Karaoke queen, right. You're bringing together your love of music and telling, you know, stories. So how did. How did you. How did that kind of come about.
[00:13:46] Speaker C: Yeah, the. The first. Actually, it's. It's even more. In my first book, which is called all the Right Notes, because that book is about a pianist and composer. Yeah. So.
Yeah. And it says about. About his second chance romance with a, you know, a Japanese Hollywood actor, and he's half Japanese. So it is. That is very much part of my first book, my. My musical experience. But it's also in the second book because, you know, karaoke is such a huge thing with Filipinos. I know most Asian countries.
I was like, at my grandma. So we went to the Philippines two years ago to bury my grandma's remains because we couldn't do it during COVID Right.
[00:14:28] Speaker B: So. Right, right.
[00:14:28] Speaker C: It took us a while to get there. And then when we did, we had a memorial service at my mother's house where she grew up in the provinces. And she. I remember it was 2. It was 2am and they dragged out the karaoke machine to Keep going. I was like, this is our culture is.
[00:14:45] Speaker B: You know, it was amazing when I was in. When I went to Thailand back in 2018, you know, when I say when I got my butterfly wings, um, I, you know, it's the. The hotel that I stayed at. It was during. It was like during Christmas time, too. And I just remember, like, the karaoke was just a big thing that kind of brought us all together because we were all kind of going through things and trying to heal and whatnot.
But also, you know, around the corner, there was like a show bar for the, you know, for the girls or what have you.
So there I experienced sort of like an oasis what felt what to me felt like an oasis for the girls. You know, people in an environment that at least valued who we were. But my friend Gina Rosero also, who's Filipino. Filipino, she's told me that the same thing that, you know, even though the culture is very accepting, legally speaking, she didn't have a lot of rights as far as, like, changing the, you know, the marker on her gender ID and things like that. And, you know, if she never would have been able to do that, which she did when she came to the US she would have never been in these music videos that we caught her in, you know, early in the days when they didn't know that a trans girl was in her music in the music video.
So talk to me about, like, so obviously, you know, with all. Because it also is. It also says that now it says in your. In the book synopsis that your character is a legal assistant.
Do you also have a background in legal.
[00:16:20] Speaker C: I mean. Yes. Cause you mean, you're like.
[00:16:23] Speaker B: I mean, okay, listen. Cause I was about to say, are you that type of person that's got like eight different sort of things that you could do very, very well?
[00:16:32] Speaker C: You know, I don't have a law degree, but I've been in the legal industry for a long time. It started off when I moved to New York to do musical theater. And another reason why I'm such a huge fan of yours, being the first trans. Leading actor in a. Broadway.
[00:16:48] Speaker B: Broadway, of course.
[00:16:50] Speaker C: I wish I could have seen that. But, I mean, I did that in the, you know, early aughts, and that's what I did. And so, yeah, I lost my train of thought. What was the question again?
[00:17:04] Speaker B: Oh, just wait. What was.
[00:17:06] Speaker C: Oh, the legal thing?
[00:17:07] Speaker B: Yes, just the legal. Just because I saw the, you know, that, you know, obviously the music. I can feel the music thing there. I can feel the, you know, sort of battle with identity. And then I see this legal assistant there, and I'm like, oh, that's a plot twist.
[00:17:19] Speaker C: Yeah, that's because I was, you know, I didn't have to do tables. I didn't have to, you know, I had a steady job as a. And they called him a legal secretary back then. Not an executive assistant. A legal secretary to attorneys at a major law firm on Wall Street. And this was. And whenever I would do a show, I would say, okay, I quit. And they'd be like, no, we love you. Just go. And then come back. So I was very lucky.
[00:17:47] Speaker B: So you do have these. So it comes from somewhere.
[00:17:49] Speaker C: It does, it does.
[00:17:50] Speaker B: You know, because they say. They say, write what you know. Do you feel like in this experience with the two books that you've been deep diving into, sort of how you see what you know about love, identity in the world?
[00:18:04] Speaker C: Absolutely. And I think that's the reason why I wrote in the first place, is because when I was growing up, I sought out as much literature as I could about the queer experience, which was always white and usually male. And when I. But I was also looking for books about the Filipino experience. And there were books, but it was always literature. It was always. Sometimes it was always about the, you know, the colonialistic, anti. Colonialism. And it was always about, you know, you know, the trauma of being an immigrant. And we needed those books, and we still need those books. But I could not find a book that had my experience joined together. And I was lucky growing up that my coming out experience was relatively trauma free. And so.
[00:18:55] Speaker B: That's good to hear. Yeah.
[00:18:56] Speaker C: I mean, it's not. It's not common. I know. And so I wanted to have a book out there that said, okay, this experience exists. Like, you can be queer. You can be a queer person of color, you can be a queer Filipino person, and you can have a happy ending. Which is why I kind of wrote a romance. Because that's what a romance is. Right. It's defined by happy ever after.
[00:19:20] Speaker B: So has there been romance in your. In your life, in your personal life?
[00:19:25] Speaker C: I am married. I've been happily married. Yes, I'm happily married. I've been together with Peter for 12. Oh, my God, he's gonna kill me. 12 years.
[00:19:36] Speaker B: You know, after a while, you start to lose count.
[00:19:38] Speaker C: You lose count. Yeah. So, yeah, he is my happily ever after. In fact, that's what I wrote in my first book on the front page.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: Oh, wow.
[00:19:45] Speaker C: Thank you for being me. Happily ever after.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: So that is great. Now. Now how do you feel you know, because you said, that's your husband. You're. You're married. Yes. And so do you feel, with what you've seen lately, sort of in our political climate, do you feel like those rights are kind of ironclad?
[00:20:09] Speaker C: No, not. No. No. I am actually pretty afraid, you know, when there is hope now with Kamala, obviously. But I was very afraid before that because chances were we were not going to have another Democrat in the White House. And then that, to me, that's it. Like we were going to be done for the next four years. We were going to see even more of our rights being stripped away, people being emboldened to write more and more legislature that puts us back in the closet. You know, take our. I mean, they were. They are ready to take our rings off our fingers. You know, they are ready given the chance.
[00:20:54] Speaker B: You know, it's. And it's. It's such an interesting, you know, situation, because I know that the Republicans and the right has had such a intense narrative around trans people. I mean, so much that J.K. rowling, I think, finally wrote a check the ass cannot cash.
Just in the sense of like, you know, talking about the woman who was competing in boxing in the Olympics and, you know, claiming that she was not a woman and saying all these things and stoking all this anti trans hate and now finding herself in a lawsuit and, you know, we ain't heard her really been tweeting, you know, and posting lately, which has been such a gift to a lot of us. But, you know, with so much of that, even looking back at the dnc, I heard nothing as far as, you know, any mention of protecting trans, you know, Americans and citizens when the right is so focused on that, which I have no idea why they're so focused on that, because that really is the least of our problems, but they are so focused on that. And, but, you know, to me, I feel like that is a bit indicative of sort of the hierarchy we've created within our own mafia, LGBTQ mafia, as they call us, or the Alphabet, whatever they want to call us. But, you know, so we want marriage equality, you know, but. And, and so many people in our. Within our communities kind of packed up when it was like marriage required. Peace out. We free y'all. We got. We, we got, we got. You know, and realizing that so many trans people are still struggling with employment, having access to healthcare, especially when we're talking about abortion rights, and people are not talking about it intersectionally, that includes trans people. You know, it just comes to so many Things. And so how do we, as. How do you think, as we as a community, come together so that we can get us all across the finish line of equity and equality and not just some of us.
[00:23:10] Speaker C: Well, I'll answer that from two perspectives. One, as a queer cisgender person, but also a person of color that we have to. And I think we are doing an okay. We are certainly doing a better job than it was at the beginning of, like, the Stonewall era, where it was gays, it was men against women, and, you know, no. No lesbians and no. No drag queens. We're better. But we still need to make sure that we are combined, that we are connected as a community, that any. Anyone else's rights being lost means the rights lost for everyone. So we have to stand up for each other.
[00:23:51] Speaker B: But I also, you know, I think that you. When you. Because you said that, I mean, you've probably seen, you know, Pose, you know, and so when I think about, you know, Pose. But I think about, like, early shows that I used to watch coming up, like, Queer as Folk or, you know, even Noah's Ark or Will and Grace, you know, the shows that we did have.
I think we have been inching our way slowly but surely towards a inclusive picture, and we just haven't gotten there yet. And we've got. We still have people who can look around and not recognize that everybody on the boat is white or everybody in the boat is male or everybody on the boat is, you know, straight or cisgender or whatever the case is. And so, you know, the thing that I loved about. About Pose was being able to see, you know, just like Sex in the City again. One of my. One of, you know, the shows I got hooked on, like, a lot of other people got hooked on. And, you know, you felt like you were getting this voyeuristic experience into the lives of these four completely different women, you know, but then you realize that they're not even that amongst them. There could still be more diversity, as we've seen, in the ways that they have diversified, you know, going forward.
[00:25:12] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:25:13] Speaker B: But, you know, I think that we still have to create these stories, and not just stories, but with our own environments that we have control over. Continue to look around and think about who's not in the room.
[00:25:30] Speaker C: Yes. Yeah. It is about visibility. You know, I think part of what the right is tapping into is this, you know, reality that most people in the United States were not aware of. Trans people, you know, they didn't. They thought they didn't know them. That they'd never met one, I guarantee you. You probably had before. You just didn't know it.
[00:25:58] Speaker B: Right, because absolutely.
[00:26:00] Speaker C: So it's, it is.
[00:26:01] Speaker B: There's a whole under economy that is pretending that they don't know that they exist.
[00:26:06] Speaker C: But they are the other part.
[00:26:07] Speaker B: They're the number one clients who are keeping the girls employed.
[00:26:11] Speaker C: Employed. That's right. Yeah. So that is, that is my, what my responsibility as an artist, our responsibility as artists is to continue that visibility that, you know, my. In my first book, there is a character who is beloved over all, all the other characters and they are the best friend of the main character and their name is Ujima. They are a non binary black trans character and they. Yeah, they're the best friend. And I, I made sure I talked to as many of my trans friends as I could. I had it, you know, sensitivity reader make sure that they didn't devolve into a stereotype because they are very funny. They're very sassy.
[00:26:50] Speaker B: Right, right, right.
[00:26:51] Speaker C: But it is, it is such a joy when people come back to me and they're going to be in the second book and they're going to be in the third book. They're going to be in all the books.
[00:27:00] Speaker B: That's so great.
[00:27:01] Speaker C: Y could be when people tell me, I love that character. I wish I knew that person in real life. I knew. These are people from, you know, in the flyover states who have never met someone like that. And just putting that person in the book and having a reader fall in love with them, I'm. I feel like I'm helping just a little bit because now that person's going to be like, I love this person. Can I meet this person in real life? Yes, you can.
[00:27:30] Speaker B: You know, they exist and you never know. You might have created also a job and a role that was baked in there for a girl. You know, when it times to come to cast the movie or the TV show, you know.
[00:27:42] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:27:43] Speaker B: So, so talk to me about like. Okay, so obviously you seem very, you know, settled in yourself today.
But you know, did you. When did you know that you were queer?
[00:27:58] Speaker C: Oh God, when I was like in third grade.
[00:28:01] Speaker B: You knew? You knew?
[00:28:02] Speaker C: I knew. I knew when I had crushes on all the boys and all the girls would sit around me at lunchtime and I was not with any of the other boys. Yeah. I mean, I knew from right away. But the funny thing is I thought in fifth grade that I was bisexual because I had crushes on boys and girls. Although my crushes on the Girls were platonic. You know, they were friendships. I didn't know, but I knew that. I don't know where I had the vocabulary. It's like, mom, am I bisexual?
Where did you learn that?
[00:28:37] Speaker B: Incredible.
[00:28:38] Speaker C: So.
[00:28:39] Speaker B: So when you look at the environment that these kids are coming up in now, and you think about yourself, knowing what you knew at such a young age, what does an affirming environment look like for young Dominic now? Like, in. At home and at school? What does that even look for our country? What does that look like?
[00:29:05] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, that's a really good question.
My sister, she's a lesbian, and she has two twins. They're in first grade. They're a boy and a girl. They are on the spectrum.
And they have. Because of virtue of my sister's various relationships, they have, I think, five mothers, mother figures, and, of course, a myriad of father figures who are their uncles.
And I think, to me, that's what I. And I'm so proud of my sister for being able to raise them in that sort of open and loving environment.
You know, I wish I had that as a kid. And I don't blame my parents because they didn't know, and they were immigrants and they weren't aware of these things. But if I could go back in time and place, Dominic, in that kind of environment, where it's not just. It is the exposure to all these different types of families, family structures. You know, Filipinos are very traditional in that way. It's very Catholic. So it's one man, one woman, you know, so if I could have had something different, I think I would have been. But I. Hey, I'm okay. I'm doing okay.
[00:30:26] Speaker B: What about at school? Like, did you. Did you have, like.
Did you versus, like, back then till today? Like, I know that again, whether it's sports or whether it's, you know, maybe different clubs or whether it's just the environment, you know, of the school and whether you have a GSA or not. Like, did. Did you, you know, come up in a time to have a gay straight alliance or when you were in school?
[00:30:53] Speaker C: I mean, I. I think I came up right around the time, right before that started to become popular, so. Because I'm 50 now, so it was a little bit before my time.
[00:31:04] Speaker B: See, listen. This is when it pays very well to be. Listen. Because that skin don't crack.
[00:31:11] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:31:13] Speaker B: Do they have a Filipino saying with the skin?
[00:31:16] Speaker C: No, they don't. But it is a similar phenomenon.
[00:31:20] Speaker B: Yes, exactly.
[00:31:22] Speaker C: Wait until you get to 80, and then everything just falls Then everything wrinkles. We still got time.
[00:31:26] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:31:29] Speaker C: I didn't have that experience, but what I will say is this. And again, I was lucky I grew up here in the Bay Area, is that it was starting to get about the time where.
Let me just say that when I came out, the head cheerleader wanted to be my best friend. So it was that sort of like, oh, now I have a gay best friend. And so I immediately had this other support structure.
[00:31:55] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:31:56] Speaker C: That is not a common experience. So I'm very lucky that I was supported in that way.
I do know of other people who, when they came out, it was all of a sudden, you know, oh, they became popular. But it's. It's. It's not common.
[00:32:12] Speaker A: Wow, that is great.
[00:32:13] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:32:14] Speaker B: So. So. So now, you know, when it comes to creativity and writing, I mean, I'm sure that to finish three books that you. You have, do you run into roadblocks? I mean, writing blocks.
[00:32:30] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:32:31] Speaker B: What do you call it? Writer's block.
[00:32:33] Speaker C: Writer's blocks.
[00:32:35] Speaker B: How do you deal with that? Like, how do you get through? What is. Do you have, like, a tip or something to share with folks when it comes to, like, taking a book and a creative idea and being able to overcome whatever, you know, writer's block or challenges you might have to get to the end?
[00:32:55] Speaker C: Yeah. Well, I have two. It's two parts of one piece of advice. And they sound like they're totally opposite, because they kind of are. But the first one is sit your butt. Sit your ass in the chair. Absolutely every day. Absolutely every day. Make. If it's half an hour, 10 minutes, an hour, two hours, whatever it is, make it very regular. And if you are staying and sitting there and, you know, every day, something's gonna happen, you know? The other part of it is give yourself the permission to not have to produce every day, you know, because the best ideas bubble up as, you know, in the shower, on the treadmill, they'd say, don't come sit. A lot of times they don't come when you're sitting in front of your laptop or whatever. So it's a combination of those. You gotta do both. Do you keep.
[00:33:52] Speaker B: Do you keep things nearby when those ideas start to percolate? Like, do you have voice memos or not books laying around the house?
[00:34:00] Speaker C: I have them in my head so that the next day when I am in the chair, I will put them in. Because sometimes actually it.
[00:34:07] Speaker B: Listen. That would get lost. Like, my car keys get lost in the house. If I. When I have an idea, pop my Head. I have to write it down. If I don't, it is lost like a needle in a haystack. Good luck finding that again.
[00:34:20] Speaker C: That does happen when I get one in the middle. You know how you get up. You know how you get up at 3 o'clock in the morning to go, Pete. That's when ideas come. So. But. And that I have to write down immediately. But other than that, what happens is they'll bubble up and then they'll percolate. They'll kind of like ferment or, you know, so the next day they have kind of grown organically. So that's when I work on it. But I know what you mean. Sometimes they'll just.
[00:34:46] Speaker B: So, so now in. In the. In the. In the, let's say, realm of spirituality. So you said that you grew up with Catholicism.
[00:34:56] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:34:57] Speaker B: So is that, Is that where you are still now? Were you able to hold on to your faith? Did you find something else that fit a little more?
[00:35:04] Speaker C: So I am. So I. So I have a music background and I still do sing. I sing professionally at a church. It is my church in Oakland on Lake Merritt. It is a Catholic church. It's very liberal.
I think my view about spirituality is that I find the path that I need within the church that I'm at. That is to say. Yeah, when that, when they do the whole communion, the way that I rephrase it in my head is this is the way that our community right here has chosen to commune with the greater power.
[00:35:42] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:35:42] Speaker C: So when we do communion, I, in my head think, this is how I'm connecting to the people out there in the Buddhist community and the. And the Muslim community and everything. When they do their right. We are connected to each other. That's how I view it.
[00:35:57] Speaker B: Wow, that's amazing. Yeah.
[00:35:58] Speaker C: Yeah. So.
[00:36:00] Speaker B: Well, you know, because, you know, I've been able to visit here in Atlanta, you know, I've been able to visit, like, churches that are very open.
Actually, Bishop. Reverend Bishop Allen, I think it is over at Vision Cathedral is the name of the church. And I mean, they have trans women who are in their, like, seminary program. They have.
They have. Obviously the pastor's gay and he has his husband. It's very queer friendly throughout the, you know, the whole church. And they're just accepting of everyone, you know, And I, you know, I practice Buddhism, you know, and identify as a Buddhist, but I was raised in the church. But one thing that, you know, I tell people is basically, it's got to speak to you.
[00:36:49] Speaker C: Right.
[00:36:49] Speaker B: If you sitting there Doing it just because to check a box and it don't really resonate with you, then you. You really wasting your time because that time spent when it resonates can actually do something for you. And you don't have to leave what you've been brought up in, especially if you're willing to challenge the environment. And that's one thing I think I learned growing up in Racine, Wisconsin, in a very small town.
At some point in my life, I felt like I needed to flee for my safety. But in hindsight, and just seeing how a lot of the people have grown and matured since I've left and been back and come back again to see family, is that, you know, they were waiting for me to be strong enough to be able to stand up from and respond. Respond in a way that was not a way that I was also scared about myself or I was also not valuing myself or, you know, just adding that sort of fuel to that fire.
I. I think that I was going to say something very specific with that. Oh, yes. So I, you know, I think that a lot of religions have been created to control m.
And I think that one thing that frustrates me most about sometimes Christianity and Catholic spaces is sometimes the most problematic voices are the loudest. You know, the ones with the T shirts and the signs at Pride saying God hates, you know, queer people and all this kind of stuff. Yeah. And I'm just, you know, we know that, like, there's been this saying lately that, like, as loud as you were wrong should be as loud as the apology is, you know, and so I. I think that if these systems themselves are not going to create, you know, sort of reparations and spiritual reparations, I think it is up to the folks like yourself who are, like, standing firm in the places where they. They worship it.
[00:39:11] Speaker C: And.
[00:39:12] Speaker B: And to challenge the notions that people think and to say that I am worthy to be in this space just as much as you are.
[00:39:19] Speaker C: Yeah. I mean, my mom is about as Catholic as you can get. And she's in every church group and all her friends are from church. And the. One of the biggest church groups that she's in has an email list. And they. One of the members was like, okay, we're gonna get together a group to demonstrate anti. Demonstrate against pride. The Pride celebration.
[00:39:41] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:39:42] Speaker C: And my mom wrote back this scathing letter about how her children are gay and how unchristian it is of them.
[00:39:52] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:39:52] Speaker C: To be hating on people like her kids who are contributing to society, who have families, you know, and she's, you know, she's 70. She's 74 or whatever. And she was. And that to me. That to me is Christianity absolutely. Standing up for the oppressed, the. Standing up for the marginalized.
[00:40:13] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:40:14] Speaker C: So, yeah.
[00:40:15] Speaker B: And that's also what sort of growth looks like, too, because I'm sure that she wasn't, you know, again, always having such a strong stance, as we said before.
[00:40:23] Speaker C: No, she did not.
[00:40:25] Speaker B: Wow. So. So with this, this podcast, no opportunity wasted, what would you say, out of all the things that in finding your husband, finding love, and getting, you know, a great book deal where you're now about to be on book three, and, you know, just living apart, your part of your dream, but also, you know, the thing that we don't know, when we look at Instagram and we see the highlights in the pictures, you know, a lot of times people don't understand the challenges that come along with that.
What would you say for the. For all the opportunities that you have been presented, what has helped you most to sort of overcome those opportunities and see.
See things through?
[00:41:20] Speaker C: Yeah. I love what you said about what we see on social media is not the real picture. It's. That is the best of our. The best of us, the best of our days, the happiest moments. And I think that is important to remember because I, I mean, I, I have a problem with depression. I have a problem with anxiety, I have a problem with anger. That's never going to show up in my Instagram feed, you know.
[00:41:50] Speaker B: Absolutely. Right.
[00:41:53] Speaker C: I mean, it might. I might say something here or there on, like, threads or whatever, just, you know, not having a good day or whatever. But I think, I think that has.
[00:42:03] Speaker B: Been the thing, because everybody doesn't realize how many of us actually are struggling with same things.
[00:42:09] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:42:10] Speaker B: Because we're not really showing that, you.
[00:42:11] Speaker C: Know, but we're not showing. Exactly. And besides my family and my husband and my, My. My friends who support me through the bad times, that's good. It is that recognized. It is that recognition that we are all going through. Well, not all the same stuff, but we are all, you know, susceptible and we are all vulnerable to those types of. Especially on social media where we are always having to compare ourselves to other people. So it is that coming back to zero, where you go, okay, at the base level, we are all going through it. You know, I am. I just turned 50. All my friends on my Facebook page would turn 50. We're all going through that same feeling of mortality.
[00:42:54] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:42:54] Speaker C: You know, like, how the hell are we half A century old. And it is that connection to other people realizing that we're all going through it.
[00:43:04] Speaker B: Well, you know, one thing that I am appreciative for when we are going through it is, you know, stories like this, like Karaoke Queen, that can kind of break you into a space where obviously, it's not a story devoid of challenges, of course, because who wants to read a story with no challenges?
[00:43:22] Speaker C: Right.
[00:43:22] Speaker B: But it is a story that is optimistic about our experience and experiencing love. And, you know, especially with the beautiful karaoke score involved in there as well. Are there. Are there mentions of certain songs in here that you kind of brought up?
[00:43:38] Speaker C: There are. There are. There's songs in there. And I just was talking to my audio producer about, you know, having to score some of the opening and the closing. Oh, by the way, I can. I can make an announcement. Can I make a little announcement?
[00:43:51] Speaker B: Of course. Please do.
[00:43:52] Speaker C: Okay. So, you know, I have. The audiobook is coming out. And the audiobook narrator for Karaoke Queen is Manila Luzon from RuPaul's Drag Race.
[00:44:02] Speaker B: Get out of here.
[00:44:04] Speaker C: It is her first audiobook. She.
[00:44:06] Speaker B: Love that.
[00:44:07] Speaker C: She. Yeah, because she's, you know, she's a Filipino drag queen, so absolutely.
[00:44:11] Speaker B: It's going to be perfection.
[00:44:13] Speaker C: I heard she is. I haven't heard it yet, but I heard she was.
[00:44:15] Speaker B: Audiobooks are, like, my, like, favorite. Favorite thing in the world on this. How I. I have adhd, so, like, it's definitely one of the things that helps with me. And so, you know, I'm definitely going to get that audio book because I love. And Manila Luzon. Like, I know Manila, like, heart of gold. Oh, heart of gold. Professional, you know, just great about her craft, but also. Just does not have shady energy, but. But also has appropriately shady energy, you know, because all of us girls have to have a little bit. A little bit reserve a little bit for that. So that. Oh, my goodness. Congratulations on that.
[00:44:51] Speaker C: Thank you. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:44:53] Speaker B: That's quite amazing.
[00:44:55] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:44:55] Speaker B: So great. So where can folks find you, follow you and get your books?
[00:45:01] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, you can follow me on Instagram. That's where I'm most active. And I'm at J. Dominic Lim on Instagram, and you can find me on dominiclim.com and come on, order my book there. Super easy. So.
[00:45:16] Speaker B: Yes. That's amazing. Well, thank you so much for sharing the space with me, sharing your story with me. I know this is going to inspire somebody out there. I know just even this story, because, you know, I. I got to be honest.
You know, I'm one of those people that was kind of b. Humbug when it comes to romance stories, you know, I just, I would watch. I'm.
What is now they're going to fall in love.
But, you know, now that, I guess I got a little. A little bit of something in my. In my life now, you know, it's okay, you know, because listen, it's. It's.
I think that, you know, I think what it is too, sometimes is what I. What I love also what I hear about these stories, too, is about when you're dealing with identity and trying to find your space, whether that's in a spectrum of gender or identity, sexual orientation, whatever that is, you know, when it comes to falling in love or finding that happily ever after, you know, it. It must start somewhere or it must have a stop somewhere where that starts with you, where you're more confident in who you are and what you're presenting to the other person that you have. I haven't even read it yet, and I know that, you know, I know that I know what's going on in here when we. Through our conversation. So I cannot wait. I'm definitely going to be getting this audio book. Everybody make sure you. And so the name of the first book again is.
[00:46:43] Speaker C: Is all the Right Notes.
[00:46:44] Speaker B: Oh, I love that. Name of that. All the Right Notes and Karaoke Queen. And do we know the name of the third book yet or. No, we're still working on it.
[00:46:52] Speaker C: I'm working on. I'm working on it.
[00:46:54] Speaker B: I'm going to get my assistant. I'll be like, can you get the latest Karaoke Queen series book? They're like, sure. I'll go right down to the store and get it. Have you fallen down and bumped your little head? I'm talking about the unprinted menus.
You can do everything right.
This is great. Thank you so much, Dominic.
[00:47:14] Speaker A: All right. Thank you again, Dominic, for joining me and for creating diverse stories so that more of us can see ourselves at the center of our own love story.
Thank you all for listening this week. Remember to vote and make your voices heard. But before we go, I want to drop another Buddhist breadcrumb and talk about bodhisattva. Never disparaging. There's this legend of this Buddha, legendary Buddha, who went around speaking life into other people and telling them that he would never disparage them because ultimately they are in fact, also a Buddha, even if they don't recognize it yet themselves. In each of us is a Buddha nature. Heaven is right here on earth, created through us just as much as hell is a very real place whose gates are guarded by the demons in our own hearts, each of us has the ability to be an oppressor or a liberator.
Sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves.
Moreover, you can choose to set yourself and others free. You can choose even when it seems like you have no choice. I say this all because I have decided as a part of my Buddhist practice, to consciously practice being like Bodhisattva. Never disparaging. And no matter how much I may disagree with somebody, I will not disparage them. I'm not saying this is going to be easy for me, but I will commit to putting this into practice. In this week's Buddhist Study meeting, we talked about how the present moment is all that matters. That's because, you know, we cannot change the things of the past. And if we want to ensure a better future, a brighter future, then we must focus on the decisions we are making today. We can't rely on potential and promises and pretty words. We have to go off of our actions today that can make a difference in our lives today. That's why today I want you to choose to vote for peace today. I want you to choose to liberate yourself and others and not to participate in oppressing yourself and others this week. I want you to find an opportunity right now. Even as you're listening to this, understanding that this moment, as you're listening is what matters, does it motivate you to move differently this week, this, in this.
[00:50:02] Speaker B: Moment, in this meeting that you're about.
[00:50:04] Speaker A: To go into, into the day you're about to start into, to the sleep that you're about to go into, whatever that is next for you, like right after you finish listening to this, what you do today matters.
No opportunity wasted.
